Prenuptual Posturing
by jmolly
Summary: 3 days before the wedding. The Cullens have interfering human and vampire house guests, making life difficult for E&B. UE Series #4.
1. Chapter 1

**Prenuptual Posturing**

**Caution: Lemons for sexuality and occasional bad language. Rated M.**

**Fourth in the series "Unforeseen Events". The countdown to the wedding is on. The Cullens have houseguests galore. When interfering visitors come to stay, the ride gets rough for E & B. **

**Blame the title on my husband, Anthony, who suggested it:) Thanks, Anthony and Emmadtf2, my favourite reviewer and pen pal, for nudging me to update the series. You are my Betas.**

**I own nothing. Please do not sue me. This series is a tribute to Stephenie Meyer. When I'm done playing with her people, I'll put them back in her books and Summit's movies. **

**Characters: Edward and Bella, the Cullens and Hales, Charlie, the Dwyers, the Denalis, Angela and Ben, Seth**

**Chapter 1: The Calm Before the Storm**

**Day 3 before the wedding**

**Edward's pov**

Bella's shift in breathing indicated that she was about to wake. It was nearly 8 am, late for her to be rising, but we had been run ragged so much with the wedding coming that she had not been getting up as early as usual. Since Bella was planning to forgo sleep permanently in the near future, I wanted her to enjoy as much of it as possible while she still could. The light was starting to pour in the long windows, and soon it would wake her.

I had not thought to close the drapes the night before. Carlisle and my brothers had brought me home late after the Leather and Chains Convention inVegas, and I had discovered Bella asleep in my bed. Apparently she had told Charlie that she'd be spending a couple of days with me, since we were so busy we weren't getting any time together. Charlie had accepted it without too much protest, thank goodness.

The Cullen men had obviously enjoyed the convention, and I didn't need to rely on mind-reading to know it. They had bought things. I had only been brave enough to ask questions. I had asked a lot of them, and having received quite a bit of education, I was having naughty thoughts that wanted expression.

I was spooned up next to Bella on the side of the bed closest to the window, counting down the hours until I'd be a married man. 79 hours left. My diamond-like skin was causing prisms to dance on the ceiling and walls. My lips were close to Bella's cheek, and I drank in her warm, heady scent. My smell was still on her from the previous night. It was intoxicating. At the same time, I felt so peaceful that I was almost sleepy. It was difficult, being unable to sleep. To sleep would be liberating.

At least I could dream. Bella had given me that. I shifted my weight slowly onto my left elbow, and carefully used my right hand to brush back the sheets and expose Bella's upper body. That was better. So lovely. All mine.

Her dark hair was fanned out all over the pillow, and she looked like an angel lying there. I was aware, however, that her thoughts were not entirely angelic these days. The women folk around here had seen to that. I didn't have to! So why not enjoy it? I decided to make Bella's first thoughts of the day a bit ... titillating.

I took my right hand and brushed it tenderly across her forehead to push back her heavy hair. Then, I trailed my fingers down to her nipples and drew circles around them. They peaked, and a gentle blush warmed the surrounding flesh. I was really going to miss that when she was a vampire. But I looked at _her_, and at the contrasting alienness of my arm, which was sending dancing prisms of colour all over her, and decided there were certain other things I would _not_ miss when she became one of us. Like her fragility.

I continued playing until Bella became aroused enough to notice my presence. I loved having her sleep over at my house. How was I going to manage without her for a whole night, three days from now? Neither of us would probably get a minute's rest. I should ask Jasper if he could float an air of calmness through her window on the night before the wedding. She would need all the sleep she could get for the honeymoon.

Bella's breathing changed again and I knew she was awake. "Well, aren't we dazzling this morning. My, my, what busy hands you've got," she garbled endearingly. She never spoke clearly when she first woke up. It was so cute that I had trouble refraining from laughing. Bella trailed her own fingers up and down my forearm, playing with the hair and looking at my skin reflect the sun.

"The better to love you with, my dear." I licked her throat from the shoulder to the jugular. Bella moaned softly with pleasure, and a small purr excaped me.

"I was just wondering how we might make the third morning of our countdown more memorable," I flirted silkily, making the infinity symbol again.

"Mmmm, I can think of _lots_ of ways," Bella turned to lie flat on her back and tangled her fingers in my hair. I moved my left hand under her neck to support her head better, and I hovered over her, keeping most of my weight away from her delicate form. Bella pulled me down to kiss her mouth. I happily obliged her, running my tongue around her lips and pulling her lower lip with both of mine. Meanwhile, that hand of mine, that possessed a mind of its own, was doing its best to get her wet. Bella's breath hitched and held. I backed off for a second and evaluated her.

"Breathe, Bella!" I reminded her for the zillionth time. You'd have thought she'd be used to doing this with me by now.

"I'm not done kissing you yet!" she complained, as she pulled me back down to her smiling lips. I surrendered with a groan. We were just starting to really get into it when I heard a bunch of voices and hurried footsteps in the hallway outside my bedroom door. What! This _again_?

I was getting so sick of the interruptions. I'd be so glad when we got to the honeymoon, where we would not have people bugging us every five minutes, _despite _my nerves. Where was a couple supposed to get any privacy around here?

Hah, what was I thinking! The only other couple around here that cared about keeping things private was Carlisle and Esme. My siblings couldn't care less. Why would they care if somebody else didn't like to advertise?

Should I run out now and deflect the group, or ignore them? Hell! I was tired of their rudeness. Maybe we ought to give them a show, if that was what they really wanted. I decided to keep kissing Bella and ignore whoever it was. I shut out his thoughts and went back to what I'd been doing.

Suddenly, my bedroom door flew open and banged into the wall behind it, leaving a dent in the drywall. I heard a handful of beings think "uh-oh" and then those individuals disappeared. Good. Oh, _not_ good. One intrepid soul did not depart. I couldn't place the footfalls and his mind was blank. Rude s.o.b.! Standing right beside us. Eyes still shut, I started to count to 100,000. Someone wanted to die today, and since I needed to keep my temper to prevent a murder, I thought I'd better try to calm down.

_Holy freakolies! This is better than the magazines that I found at Charlie's! Maybe I can steal another one to take home today. Wonder how long Edward and Bella'll let me watch..._

I winced. That was much more than I wanted to know, and the young pup was the last person I wanted to see standing there. Oh, _why_ did I always have to make such bad decisions? _Somebody_ just needed to put me out of Bella's misery before I could do any more damage. I rested my head against Bella's shoulder and sighed. I wondered why she wasn't screaming yet.

"Seth," I growled, "It is not polite to enter when someone's door is closed." I chanced looking up at him. He was goggling at Bella. _Oh, man! Boobs. Real boobs!!! _ And Bella, so unfailingly shy, was not acting embarrassed. She was glaring at him wordlessly with teary eyes that ought to be burning a hole through him, and letting him look.

"Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer," she snarled. Seth shook himself and attempted, without much success, to move his eyes somewhere more acceptable. His eyes weren't cooperating. They kept wandering back to Bella's recumbent form.

"Uhm, ah... sorry." He didn't _sound _very sorry.

"Seth!" I barked, "Why are you _here_? What do you _want_?"

_To touch Bella's boobs. I wonder what they feel like? _"Uhm, ah, Edward?"

"_What!_?"

"Uhm ... sorry, Emmett was trying to make brownies for the humans that will stop by this week, and now the kitchen is on fire."

"_What !​?" _I knelt straight up, giving Seth a better show than ever. Bella propped herself up on her elbows and gawked at him incredulously.

"Well, your oven's really old and I don't think Emmett knows what he is doing and now-"

"_Save it_, kid! Get _out_ of the house. You don't stand around when a house is burning down. Turn your brain on!" I scrambled to my feet and into my black silk pajama pants, and pulled Bella out of bed and held her robe open for her. Seth gave her the once over.

"Look here kid, I know you're only fourteen, but if you keep looking at my mate that way I am going to have to do serious damage to you."

"Sorry, I can't help it. Bella, I don't suppose you'd let me-"

"Don't even _think _about finishing that sentence, Seth. I don't want to know. Go ask a Denali. They would probably let you. Skanks." Bella finished tying her robe and looked around for her Converse sneakers. I went over to the end window and swung it open. When I turned back, intending to jump with Bella out into the tree, I got a surprise: one embarrassed Seth, _no Bella_. I shut the window and made for the door, intent on flagging her down. Seth followed me like the puppy he was.

Bella was marching down the stairs like an army general. My siblings were cowering with anticipation at the foot of the stairs. They were scared of the little human girl. Thick, oily black smoke was roiling out of the kitchen.

"What the Hell do you think you're doing? You really are a bunch of saps! Get the _fuck _outside before you get hurt. Morons." Bella shoved a couple of the vampires ahead of her. If they hadn't been so intimidated, she'd never have managed to move them. Mission accomplished, she pulled me and Seth out the front door, and then, incredibly, she turned around and went back inside.

"Where do you think you're going?" I demanded hotly, grabbing her wrist near the dining room wall.

"To see how bad it is." Bella turned around again, to go in. I followed her. She turned on me.

"Oh, Edward, get the Hell out. I'm _just_ going to peek in the doorway, and your venom is flammable. I'm safer than you are right now. At least I won't combust," she said sarcastically. "Unless it's caused by temper," she added under her breath.

"Fine, but stay where I can see you." I stood a little closer to the front door.

Bella peered through the doorway into the black smoke, and walked straight into the kitchen.

"Bella! What do you think you're doing?" I cried. I considered going into shock.

"It's alright. The brownies are on fire, but the fire is contained inside the oven. How old is this oven anyway? 1930?" She put a pot-lid over one of the burners and got a pitcher of water and dumped it in the oven and slammed it shut. The wood fizzled and the fire went out. Bella threw open the kitchen window. She got a tea towel and flapped it at the smoke.

By this time, my siblings had crawled back in to watch Bella work. The four of them were crouching behind me, peering through the doorway anxiously. Seth came to stand with them, arms crossed, grinning. It had been one of the best mornings of his life, bested only by the day he helped kill Riley and the day he learned how to choke the chicken.

After the smoke cleared, Bella spun around to face us.

"Emmett!" she barked.

"Yes, Bella?" Emmett cringed.

Emmett, you will _not cook ever again_. Is it understood?"

"I was only tr-"

"Is it understood?"

"Yes'm."

Jasper and Alice!"

"Yes, Bella?" they chorused.

"Go buy 2 fire extinguishers and about 15 smoke detectors and the appropriate batteries."

"Ooh, shopping! said Alice. She ran upstairs to get her purse, then reappeared, and towed Jasper out.

"Rosalie!" Rosalie jumped like she'd been scalded.

"Yes, Bella?"

Turn on every exhaust fan in the house and wipe down the walls and countertops with some bleach. We're having guests soon, and it smells awful."

"Yes, Bella." She hurried away.

"Edward!"

"Yes, love?"

"Go look on the internet and see who can deliver a new oven here, today. And get an electrician, unless one of you can do wiring, because we're going to need a special receptacle for the plug."

"Yes, love." I turned to leave.

"Oh, Edward?" I turned back.

"Yes, love?"

"Make sure it is an _electric_ oven. No gas near flammable life forms. No more wood-burners like this antiquated piece of crap, either. Understood?"

"Yes, love." I walked out.

"Emmett!"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Come and get this char-broiled abomination and take it outside and bury it. Do _not _attempt to save the pan, it is toast."

"Yes'm."

"Seth!"

"Yes ma'am?"

"Thank you. Next time there's an emergency, _knock_."

"Edward!" I stuck my nose back in the door.

"Yes, Bella?"

"I'm going upstairs to shower. Join me when you're done."

"Yes _ma'am!_" I _knew _there was a reason why I loved her.

"Wait, Edward." Bella stomped out onto the front porch, beckoning me to follow. She scanned the trees. "Emmett!?" she bellowed.

Emmett skulked out of the forest, minus the brownie pan. "Yes'm?"

"Edward is going to hit you for me, and you are going to stand still and take it like a Bimbo." Emmett cringed.

"Yes'm."

"Edward? Don't hit him hard enough to bruise him. I don't want the wedding photos ruined."

"Yes ma'am!" I allowed my frustration to boil over for a second. Emmett braced himself. _Not the face, brother, please, not the face!_ I hauled back my arm and socked him hard enough on the jaw to rattle his teeth. Emmett crashed to the ground and regarded me, wide-eyed. _When did you learn to hit that hard, bro?_

"That _wasn't_ hard, Emmett. Had I hit you hard, you'd be searching for your head out there somewhere." _Holy flying buffalo pucks. The Bimbo's fuse is still short. Bella'd better take him back to the forest. _

"I feel _much_ better now, thanks Bella," I smiled crookedly.

"Well done, Edward. Emmett? You took it like a man." Bella turned and flounced back into the house.

Emmett sat on the ground, looking after Bella and holding his jaw. "Edward? I have to say, your mate is going to be one _scary_ newborn ... but at least she's fun."

"Yeah. I'd follow her advice about staying out of the kitchen, though. If you try this again, she might put _you_ in the oven. Oh, Emmett? No more duct tape, don't even suggest it to her."

I went in the living room and turned on the computer. Within ten minutes, I had arranged for the purchase and delivery, this morning, of a new ceramic-top electric range, and booked an electrician to come out after lunch. I shut the computer down, and went upstairs to join Bella, whistling.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Alaskan Houseguests**

**Nothing belongs to me. Please don't sue.  
**

**Edward's pov**

About an hour and a half later (77 hours and counting) I hurried down the stairs, my damp hair slicked back and the smell of freshly-washed Bella cloying like a brushed silk undergarment. Bliss. I picked my car keys out of the little drawer in the side table, and headed for the door.

"Going out so soon, Edward?" came a purr from the living room. I shut my eyes. Great. The Denalis.

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. How are you this morning Kate? Tanya? Carmen? Eleazar?"

"Well, I, for one, am a little let down. Nobody alerted us, and we missed all the excitement this morning," Eleazar was about choking, trying to hold back his laughter. "Will Emmett ever live it down? First, he tries to burn everyone to death, then you sucker punch him for disturbing your, erm, morning activities." The females were snickering now.

"He had it coming," I growled, "He sent in a little puppy to do his dirty work, and said puppy came dangerously close to being put down for naughty behaviour. What would you have done in my place?"

"You know I'm not like you, Edward. I just would have invited everyone in to watch."

"Those are my _siblings,_ which makes _that_ picture even grosser than it would be to me normally. You are a man-whore, Eleazar."

"Yes, and a very good one, too."

"So are you the one who sicced the smelly puppy on me this morning, Edward? I ought to get you for that. What he wanted is illegal, you know. He would get me into trouble," Tanya smirked.

"Who, me? No, you will have to take that up with Bella. If it's any consolation, she was fit to be tied at the time she suggested it. And you don't need help to get into trouble. You do that just fine, with no help at all. How could Seth help himself? He's still wet behind the ears. You don't look much older than him. How old were you when you were changed, fifteen?"

Tanya ignored my jibe and my question, and picked the only item out of my discourse that interested her. "So you are tying Bella up now? There's a reversal. Of course, Alice always did say that Bella would be the Sub." Tanya put one alluring leg up on the couch. I ignored it.

"Alice the evil pixie should keep her thoughts to herself. Did Seth _actually_ ask you?"

"You bet. The child has a refreshing liberality to his thinking for someone so young. He's not repressed, is he?"

"Speaking as a formerly repressed individual, I warrant that he is not repressed. But most people around here seem pretty liberal to me." All the Denalis laughed.

"Refreshingly honest as always. Where were you heading?" Tanya inquired.

"To see Charlie. Somehow, I have to broach the excruciating subject with him of relocating his stash. Seth has been reading his pornos. I guess Seth gets bored when Sue drags him over, so he went looking for something to do. He found it." I rolled my eyes.

"Aww, you should not take away his outlet, dear Edward," Carmen said, "He has to get some experience somewhere."

"The thought of Seth sharing porn with Charlie is just revolting, okay? Seth should get his own stash if he wants to look at smut."

The Denalis looked at me, open-mouthed. "Excuse me, but did I just hear the 105 year old virgin say somebody ought to have a stash of porn?" Eleazar queried.

"I never said_ I _needed one, hotshot. But I really _was_ 17 once, and I can still remember Miss October of 1918. I never got to hang her on my wall. First the influenza, and then the estate agent smuggled her out before I could retrieve her. Pity."

"Who would have guessed? He's _not_ a prude after all. Maybe you should go buy Seth a girlie magazine, Edward," Kate suggested.

"I don't know that I should contribute to the delinquency of a minor, Kate. That's more up your alley."

The front door whooshed open and my sister the pixie strode in with her husband, toting bags full of hardware and other supplies. Obviously, she had bought more than smoke detectors and fire extinguishers.

"Here, Edward," she sang, thrusting a brown bag at me, "Take this for Seth. Jasper says it will be a good one." I slipped the mag out of its paper wrapper, just enough to look at the cover. _Hustler._ Cum shot. "Don't you think this is a little Hard for a kid his age? Wouldn't _Playboy_ be better?"

"The times, they have a-changed Bimbo. Move with them." Jasper slapped my ass and went upstairs._ I certainly intend to move with the times, this morning. Hope Lis hurries up with those damn smoke detectors. I am going to ..._

"Uh_, _o-_kay_. The day is moving on. Things to do, people to meet. See you later. Oh, and Tanya, don't abuse the delivery boy when he brings the new oven. No _hunting_ in our house."

"You're no fun. I've got half a mind to tell Bella about Miss October, 1918."

"What makes you think she doesn't already know?" With that, I strutted out. I felt out into the green forest for people's thoughts and located Seth. He was sitting on a fallen log not far behind the house, daydreaming dirty things. I walked over and sat down beside him, feeling awkward.

"Seth, about this morning..." I couldn't look at the little bastard. I used to think he had a pure mind. So much for that.

"I know, Edward. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stared like that."

"Kid, it's natural to be interested, but try not to get carried away, okay? Now, it has come to my attention that you are raiding Charlie's stash." I could have felt his blush at 5 yards' distance. "I would rather that you did not do that. It kind of creeps me out. I would also prefer if Bella did not figure in your fantasies, okay? Listening to Jacob and the kids from school has been bad enough, without you doing it, too."

"Yeah, okay. Sorry." He hung his head, and his longish hair covered his face.

"Right. Well, I'm not sure it's wise to contribute to your fall from innocence, but I am just the messenger. Remember that. Should your mother or Leah find this, do not flame me, or I will murder you." I pulled the magazine out of my back pocket.

"Porn has nothing to do with real sex, okay? It is all fake, and cheap. Ask Jasper to get stuff for you from now on, if you want it. I'm not supporting the habit. First, I don't like this stuff. It's plastic. Doesn't do anything for me, and it can make you think things that will distance you from your mate rather than bring you closer. Second, enough of the old biddies in town gossip about me already and I don't want it getting back to anyone I care about that I'm buying it.

"If you have any questions about loving, committed relationships, you can ask me those. Or anything non-personal that you are curious about. No questions about my activities, though, okay? That's private." I chanced a look at him. He was almost as embarrassed as me, thank God.

"Here, this is from Alice." I handed Seth the wrapped mag, slapped him on the shoulder, and bee-lined for the Volvo. I wanted to be well out of hearing distance before he found something he liked.

* * *

Seventy six hours and counting. I pulled into the station, trying to put together a way to broach this with Charlie that wouldn't land me in hot water. Hopeless. I was counting on our recent truce to sustain a brand new friendship, and I hated to jeopardize that.

Well, there was no hope for avoiding it, and truthfully, Charlie should count this as a favour. If Sue found out where Seth had been obtaining his magazines, there was going to be Hell to pay.

Charlie stuck his head out the door, waved and signalled for me to come in. And I had no plan, going where angels fear to tread. I gulped and gritted my teeth, and went into the station.

"Hey, Edward! Feels like a long time since I've seen you. How's Bells?" Charlie regarded me in an open, friendly manner. That probably wouldn't last long. Crap.

"She's fine, Dad, although we've had quite the irritating morning. I'm surprised she didn't bee-line for your place."

Charlie eyeballed me suspiciously, "Did you have a fight?"

"Aw, no, not at all. It's just that sometimes my siblings are real nut-heads, you know? Emmett set fire to the kitchen this morning. He doesn't know anything about cooking. He should have left it to Esme. Anyway, my idiot siblings just sat there and gawked at a panful of brownie flambe´ complete with roiling smoky kitchen until Bella and I came down. Bella chased them all out and then put out the fire. Then she made me punch Emmett for her."

Charlie gawped at me, then his eyes twinkled and he grinned and laughed. "You Cullens never have a dull moment, do you?"

"Not since Bella's been around, that's for sure."

Charlie inspected my knuckles, "Well, I'm glad you know how to throw a punch properly. Never figured you were one to fight. Did Emmett get the worst of it?"

"I guess you could say that. Bella told him I was going to punish him for her, and he sucked it up like a man. I hit him hard enough to rattle his teeth, and knocked him on his ass."

Charlie chortled, "Gee, I hope you didn't wreck him for the wedding photos. Bella and Alice might skin you alive."

"Nope, I don't think so. Emmett's head is really hard." Charlie thought it was hilarious.

"So what brings you? Did you just come to chew the fat with the Old Man?"

"Actually, I have to discuss something that's making me feel a little uncomfortable."

Charlie's defenses sprang instantly to life. The grin was gone. _Crap!_ "Bella _is_ pregnant, isn't she!" he snarled. I swear his hand twitched towards the gun.

"No, no, no! _Please_ don't start that again! I swear, we're waiting 'til we're married." Charlie got hold of his temper and raised his eyebrows, waiting. Oh, boy. I pushed a hand through my hair, stalling. Charlie folded his arms impatiently.

"I really don't know how to say this Charlie, it's kind of awkward. It's about Seth." Charlie's eyebrows went even higher. He wasn't expecting anything like this.

"Well? Spit it out, son!"

"Um, okay, I don't know how else to say it." I blurted everything out, as fast as _humanly_ possible, "I stumbled across him this morning with a certain kind of magazine. I asked him how he came to have it, and he said he'd found your stash. Apparently, he's been working his way through it when his mother takes him over to your place. I thought you should know, before she finds out. Seth has already removed several of his favourites to his own house. Sue's apt to discover the goods at some point." I stared at my feet, waiting for the axe to fall.

Several moments ticked by while Charlie tried to decide whether to confirm or deny. I peeped up at him from under my eyelashes, afraid of the explosion. Charlie went from white hot to purple to red to sort of normal. Then, to my amazement, he laughed wheezily.

"Little bastard!" he choked.

I slumped in relief. "That was my opinion also, sir."

"I guess he's learned to clean his gun."

"I'm surprised there's any finish left on it, sir. I'd think he'd have scars, the way he's going at it. It's almost as bad as Eric Yorkie at school."

"Eric Yorkie? Kid's a weirdo. Hope Seth's not like _that_."

"Seth is a pretty good kid. He's just being nosier than he ought to. He asked Bella an inappropriate question this morning."

"I expect his reading matter is creating some questions I'll have to deal with. Humph! I've been wondering where the newest issue went."

"I believe it's in a box under his bed."

"Oh, bad spot. His mother is sure to find it there. I'll have to make up an excuse to be in his room, and accidentally discover it." Charlie scratched his head.

"He could use a male influence, some good advice. There's too much estrogen in that house."

"You're telling me. How do you know, anyway?"

"Leah was around Jacob a lot. She runs with his crowd." We both squirmed a little, disturbed by the mention of his name. Jacob had not put in an appearance for months. Charlie didn't know he was spending all his time running around as a giant wolf.

"Oh. Well, Leah can be scary when she thinks she's right. I'd better have a talk with Seth. Teach him a better hiding place, too. Edward? Thanks for giving me the heads-up. Sue'd have my nuts in a sling if she found out about this."

I nodded. This was on my list of the weirdest conversations I'd ever had. Charlie smacked me on the shoulder and moved on to safe topics. Seventy five hours, and counting.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Violated**

**Edward's pov**

I arrived back at the house, and just had time to dump my keys in the drawer before picking up on something strange. Huh. Weird kinky thoughts. Weird kinky _human_ thoughts. Huh. Hey, wait!

"Tanya!" I bellowed, coming to a stop at the foot of the stairs. Somebody, no two somebodies, came clomping down clumsily. Men. One was wearing construction coveralls, the other an appliance truck uniform. Both were fairly attractive. Both of them smiled completely vacant smiles, gathered up tool boxes, and sauntered past me, out the door and down the steps, and into their trucks. Dazzled victims. I hoped they'd snap out of it before they reached the highway. I didn't want any drunk drivers on the Cullen conscience.

"Tanya and Kate!" I bellowed again. Nobody answered. I walked up to the second landing, peering up the stairs cautiously.

"I know you're up there, so you might as well answer. Tanya! Kate! _Now_!"

"If you want an answer, will you kindly come up to your room, Edward? No need to shout," Tanya purred. My room, just as I'd feared.

Fuck. I made it upstairs in about three steps. "_You_ used my room. MY ROOM? To hunt men? You ... _you_... you you you _dirty_" I pinched my nose between my fingers. "_How_ could you do this to me? _That_ is the bed my mate and I use. You have _defiled our space_. YOU YOU YOU _Skanks!_" I roared this so loudly that they probably heard me in LaPush.

"I _told _you to leave those men alone, Tanya. I _told_ you _not t_o hunt here. I told you not to do it, and you _used my bed_. I cannot _freaking_ believe this. I thought we were friends." I paced as I ranted. I pulled my hair. I talked with my hands. I did not look at those ... those... succubi.

It suddenly dawned on me that we had an audience. My siblings were standing outside the door, watching.

"Edward, why are there two naked cousins in your bed?" Jasper asked in his ringing baritone.

"They hunted the workmen. IN MY BED! They invited themselves into_ my personal space _and they got their scent all over it. Oh, crap! Oh, God help me. I try to be good, I swear I try. I want to turn the pair of them into burning pillars of incense. _I do_. What will Bella say? Oh, _God. Oh, help."_

I stopped pacing. "Wait. _Did you just say_ what I _think_ you said?" My brain caught up with Jasper's question. I turned and looked incredulously at the cousins. I had _avoided_ looking at them naked for decades. I had avoided their _come-ons _for decades. I had endured their _teasing_ for decades. All for this betrayal of trust. Witches.

I stared open-mouthed at my so-called cousins, kneeling frozen in my bed, sans clothing. They weren't even trying to cover up. The smell was sickening. And there were lotions and creams and toys and whips and prophylactics and wet marks everywhere. Unbearable. I pushed past my siblings, who tried to pat me consolingly as I left.

I hit the stairs at a dead run, bawling, "Esme!" She must be somewhere. She must.

I couldn't find her anywhere. Perhaps she was out with Bella. I went to check the garage. No Guardian. They must have gone out. I didn't know whether to be sorry or relieved. I rested my head on my arms on the hood of Emmett's jeep and tried to breathe. My hands were shaking.

There was a rush of air as Emmett and Rosalie came in through the connecting door to the kitchen. I didn't move to acknowledge them as they stood one to each side of me.

_Poor Bimbo. He feels violated._ Rose reached up and started to stroke my hair. I couldn't recall her ever touching me in a kind manner before.

Emmett put his hand on my shoulder and just patted me._ There, there. Don't cry. _ "We'll clean everything up, bro. I promise. There won't be any evidence. Jasper is giving those hussies proper shit right now. I wouldn't like it either. But don't forget, they aren't _normal_. They don't have an emotional attachment to their partners, and they don't understand the concept of a marriage bed. They just thought it was the handiest, most desirable room, I expect. You really shouldn't take it too personally, Edward. We've pulled them out of our room three times since they got here. Holding a grudge will only hurt you."

"It feels personal, Em," I husked, "They defied my wishes, which were the same as Carlisles'. No hunting men while they're here. And they _know _I like to keep my personal space private. I don't even know if I can go back in that room. I loved that room."

_I'd like to wring their stupid necks._ Rosalie pulled my face up so she could meet my eyes. "You should really feel sorry for them, Edward," she scowled. "They don't know what it's like to have a mate. Their lives are stunted. They don't love fully. But you _do_. You are a _lot_ better than they are, and they cannot bring you down, no matter what stupid stunts they pull. The bed is only a _thing_. They cannot touch you, and they cannot touch Bella. And they can't touch what's _between_ you, which is something that's kind of ... holy.

"I know Bella acts all friendly with them, and in some ways she finds them entertaining, but they have never mattered to her or affected her overmuch, because they are shallow and _neither_ one of you _is._ If I know Bella at all, she is going to say it doesn't matter. She will wipe her feet and keep going. Because she knows what is important, and what isn't. She might even be able to laugh about it. I'll give her one thing, Edward. She is pretty resilient. You should follow her lead."

"Boy, Rosalie. Your support is so nice. I always thought you were shallow, and here you go saying all the right things and spouting some pretty compelling insights."

"I _was_ very shallow once, Edward. I've had a lot of years to regret it. Despite that, it's still hard for me to get heavy about things. Keeping things superficial is how I cope. But you could benefit from copying my stupid attitude right now. The Denalis are sluts, but they don't understand why that _matters_. If they don't act to preserve their dignity, how can they possibly care about your feelings?"

I nodded. Maybe I could forgive them, after all, even if we could never see eye-to-eye. They were ignorant, and had not had the joyful experiences in life that Bella had shared with me.

"Thank you both."

_You're our brother._ "Feel any better?" Emmett looked thoughtfully at me.

"A bit."

"Why don't we go for a run, and by the time we get back, they'll have most of the mess cleaned up.

"Yeah, okay, Emmett. That would probably be helpful."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Confessions**

**Everything belongs to Stephenie M and Summit.  
**

**Esme's pov**

Bella and I had a lovely afternoon out. Just the two of us, for the first time. We went to Port Angeles and took a walk in the soft rain. We went to her favourite book store, and we went to the park. We talked about our hopes for the future, and some of her anxiety. Talking with Bella just made me love her more and more. She complemented Edward so well. And as I had always known, we had so many common values. It was going to be wonderful, having her around forever.

On the way home, she let me drive the Guardian, and I had fun opening it up, full-throttle, for a few miles before we hit inhabited areas. It made Bella terribly nervous. I hadn't realized that she had a fear of speed. I adjusted my lead-foot accordingly. I wouldn't want to spoil the lovely day.

We pulled into the driveway at about 5:00 pm, and Bella was about ready for supper. When I pulled in the garage, I was surprised and pleased to find Carlisle just getting out of the Merc. He was home a bit earlier than expected. I kissed him 'hello'.

"Had a good day?" I asked.

"Yes, some patients went home today. It was very light. You?"

"I've had Bella all to myself for most of the day. It was fabulous." I grinned and hugged Bella to my side.

"Nice. Let's go in, shall we?"

But we didn't make it inside. Our kids got to us, first. At least, three of them did. And they were looking very serious. Like something was wrong.

"Uh-oh. What's happened?" Carlisle sighed in resignation.

"Nobody's hurt, Carlisle, but I'm afraid it's been a really bad day around here. Sorry to spoil yours," Jasper said regretfully.

"You'd better spit it out, Jasper. Don't leave us in suspense," Carlisle said, pursing his lips.

"It's the Bimbo. He's upset." Bella started to run, to look for Edward. Jasper held her back. "Just listen first, okay Bella? Emmett took him out for a run. I'm sure he'll feel better when he gets back." Bella nodded curtly and hugged herself, waiting.

"It's kind of our fault," admitted Alice, "because I didn't _See_ any problems coming and we went out and left them alone. They didn't make up their minds to break the rules until we were gone, and by the time we got back, it was too late."

"Please elucidate," Carlisle sighed.

"Um, I don't know how to start," Jasper shuffled his feet. My hackles were going up more and more. Rosalie huffed impatiently. We could always count on her to get to the point.

"It's like this, see? Edward had a hard morning. He had an awkward talk with Seth, and then he had another awkward talk with Charlie. He came home expecting to unwind. None of us were home except the cousins, and the workmen came to replace the oven and-"

"Huh?" Carlisle and I said together.

Rosalie's eyes flickered to Bella in annoyance. She launched into an explanation at top human speed, "Emmett tried to make brownies this morning and he set them on fire and we panicked and went to evacuate Bella and Edward and Seth interrupted their alone time and got a bit of an education and then Bella put out the fire and told us how to fix the house and get the smoke out and buy smoke detectors and then she made Edward punch Emmett in the face for her for being a jerk and Emmett let Edward do it. Didn't she tell you this? And then the workmen were supposed to come to install a new plug for the electric oven Edward ordered and the store delivered it. What, Bella didn't mention _anything_?"

Bella was bright red and the heat was radiating off of her. "No, she neglected to say anything." I looked at Bella reproachfully.

Bella shrugged, "I was just so embarrassed. And angry. I thought it would be better not to mention it until we got home. I thought most of it would have been water under the bridge by now."

"Well, it would have been, except for those brainless so-called cousins."

"Tell us, people," Carlisle ordered.

Jazz cleared his throat and tried again. "Tanya and Kate, uh, well, they seduced the workmen. They, um, had an um, _ahem_, orgy. In Edward's room. Everything was a mess. Sex paraphernalia and jism everywhere. He totally freaked out. Screamed and yelled at them for violating his space and his trust, and called them well-deserved names. Then he went looking for _you_, Esme, and Bella. He couldn't find you."

"Emmett and I found him crying in the garage. He said he didn't want to go back in that room ever again. I told him it was only a thing, they couldn't ruin what he and Bella have. I'm really sorry Bella, that we couldn't prevent his pain today." Rosalie looked like she couldn't decide wherther _she _wanted to cry or go out and kill something.

Bella took one more look at everyone. Then, her eyes turned steely, and she calmly asked,"Where are those bitches?"

"They're inside with Carmen and Eleazar. Those two are really angry." Bella nodded and marched into the house. We followed her.

The four Denalis were sitting in the living room with hangdog looks. Eleazar spoke immediately, "Oh, friends. _What _a mess we have made, and so close to the wedding. We will go, if that is what you wish."

"What I wish, is to know what the Hell happened here today, and where my mate is," Bella snarled.

"We made a bad mistake. We disobeyed Edward. He told us to leave the workmen alone, but they were so attractive, and we were so lonely. We keep watching all of you intereact with your mates, and we wanted that, too. We didn't mean to hurt you and Edward, Bella, honestly. I know he thinks we picked your room to be spiteful, but we didn't. It was just convenient, and it was so much tidier than the others, that we chose it over another spot."

"It was tidy," Bella said, "because Edward had cleaned and sorted through his possessions this week, to make room for me. He spent a lot of time preparing it to be my home."

"That bed?" I cut in, "came all the way from Germany. I designed it and Edward had a blacksmith custom-build it for Bella. He's waited for her a long time, and that bed was a symbol for him of their love."

Tanya and Kate bowed their heads. Eleazar told them off, "See now what you've done by not following the house rules? You've ruined something that truly matters to our friends. I know we like to tease Edward, but under that teasing has been a lot of respect for his strength of character. You have _hurt_ him, _badly_. What have you got to say for yourselves?"

"I, I-I-I never meant to hurt him. Please dear ones, you cannot imagine that I would _ever _mean to hurt any of you. It was a moment of temptation. We were weak. It was very wrong of us, but we didn't mean to cause this trouble. Oh, and now you will hate us and we will lose our family." Tanya whimpered and threw herself face down on the sofa.

"Oh, I _wish_ you would not hate us. We didn't mean it. We just wanted some fun. We weren't thinking. Please forgive us," begged Kate.

"That rather depends on Edward," Carlisle said curtly. "You will have to apologize to him and to Bella."

"Oh, Bella, please do not hate us because we were selfish, unfeeling and weak," sobbed Kate.

"Please pretty one, we love you. Do not hate us!" sobbed Tanya. Bella held her hand up, so they would stop. She spoke to them softly, like she was talking to naughty children who didn't know any better.

"I know you two are like addicts. You don't think what you're doing until it's too late. But you are going to have to toe the line if you're going to spend time with us. To us, every touch means something, and yes, we are sometimes sentimental about certain objects. I will give you another chance, but _you_ are going to have to talk to Edward. He might not give you another chance.

"I don't know why he worships me the way he does, but he _does_. He's a real romantic. You are going to have to respect his boundaries from now on. I don't mind you teasing him a little, he's fun to tease, but some lines can't be crossed."

"Yes Bella. We understand. We're so sorry. May we kiss you?"

"Kiss me, girls, and then go and apologize to my mate." Bella coolly accepted Denali kisses and embraces, and stalked upstairs. I followed her. She hesitated outside Edward's door, took a deep breath, and pushed it open.

The room was in pristine condition, and smelled of bleach and cleansers. The bedding was freshly laundered. Bella entered the room and walked over to the shelf units. She opened a small, decorative box and removed several votive candles, which she postioned and lit throughout the room. Then, she walked to each curtain and wrapped herself up in it. She lay down on the floor and rolled on it. She got in the bed and plumped up all the pillows. She touched every surface in the room.

"Does that smell better, Esme?"

"Yes, better than before. Still not perfect, I'm afraid. I can still smell them."

"Then Edward and I will have to cover up that smell."

"Yes, that would be best," I agreed, "but it will take the other scent awhile to dissipate. Edward may not be able to stand waiting it out."

"We'll just have to see. Damn stupid succubi. Boy, we really needed this today!" Bella walked downstairs and I trailed after. Carlisle was standing in the kitchen.

"They've just finished apologizing to him," Carlisle reported. "They talked for a few minutes and then Edward said he'd give them one last chance and they hugged him. They have gone for a walk to discuss how to make this up to him, and he is sitting at the picnic table outside."

"Thank you, Carlisle." Bella headed for Edward.

I headed for the computer and turned it on. Within minutes, I had part of what I wanted, but the other part evaded me. Emmett came in and flipped on the X-Box. Jasper joined him.

"Emmett?"

"Yes, Esme?"

"How long would it take you to make a Plantation bed frame?"

"Couple of weeks, depending how fast I can find the timber. Size?"

"Queen. I want it plain, but smooth to the touch. Heavy enough to be durable. In a warm colour of wood that has some depth and grain to it, stained the colour of whiskey. Sort of a translucent stain, high gloss. I want to be able to tie a white canopy to the top, like a swag. I'm using all white bedding."

"Yeah, I can do that." Emmett smiled hopefully, pleased by the new project.

"Soon as you can, Emmett. I want it in the cottage by the time they get home from the honeymoon."

"I'll go see if I can find any nice timber right now."

"I love you, Emmett."

"Love you too, Mom." Emmett kissed me on the cheek on his way out. Jasper asked Em if he might go along, and they both left, chattering cheerfully.

Carlisle came up behind me and bent over to hug me around the neck, "You've ordered them a new bed," he murmured in my ear.

I nodded, "It doesn't matter what they do to try and make up for what happened. He will always see those girls desecrating his bed. I think a fresh start is in order."

"You are one smart cookie, mother."

"Isn't that why you married me?"

"Partly. Mostly it's because you love your family so deeply. Plus, you're pretty gorgeous for a mother of six." Carlisle lifted my hair and kissed the back of my neck. I giggled. "Can you hold that thought? I want to order fabric and a duvet."

"I guess so. I'll go check on Alice and Rose. Time to cheer everyone up." Carlisle walked out of the room.

I smiled and got down to work.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: To the Rescue**

**Lemons.**

**Music is from 'Adored' by Collective Soul. All belongs to Stephenie. Not mine.  
**

**Bella's pov**

He was sitting with his left arm on the picnic table, and his head rested in the other hand, which was pressed to his forehead. His eyes were shut, and he did not move or acknowledge me. He was wallowing. I put one leg through the bench and sat, pressed up against him.

"Hi Beautiful," I said. He huffed out a laugh.

"Hi Minx." The lovely voice was thick with tears that could never be shed.

"So, I've heard all about your day. Sorry I was out. The hussies have apologized, right?"

"Yes, for all the good _that _does. Sometimes having perfect recall really sucks," he said sullenly.

"Got a headache?"

"Yes." I started to smooth out the stress lines on his face.

"You know they weren't trying to hurt us, right? They just have no morals. They don't know any better. Who knows what their mother was like? They obviously didn't have an Esme."

"They _knew_ how much I value our privacy." Edward was still looking down, dejected.

"I don't really think they understood. It's all so foreign to them."

"Are you saying what they did doesn't matter?" He looked at me challengingly. I put my palm to his face tenderly.

"Of course it matters, but it _would_ have hurt more if they weren't _ignorant_ of the harm they were doing. I know that bed meant nearly as much to you as your mother's ring, and trust me, I value both objects dearly, because of sentiment. But when push comes to shove, Edward, it's only a _thing_. Wherever you lie with me, _that_ is my bed. Regardless of a ring, you are my mate. Being together is all that matters in the end."

"That's what Rose thought you would say. So you're not heartbroken?"

"No. But watching _you_ hurt pains me. I want you to forget it. Let's face it. They could have done far worse things to hurt me. They could have come on to you. They could have interfered in our bond or in your family's marriages. They haven't crossed any lines to harm the family."

"No, we addressed that with them when all of us first met. They've always respected mated pairs."

"They made a play for you, though?'

"They made _many_ plays for me. It was hard enough getting past my memories of that to be friendly with them, and now they do this. I made it abundantly clear from Day One that they did not interest me in the slightest. I never wanted what they have on offer. And I never wanted to have to share a mate. "

"_Oh, boy. Oh, boy, thank your lucky stars that you've found what you've been waiting for."_ I sang to him.

Edward looked surprised. I don't think he'd ever heard me sing. I was no Hailey Mills. He smiled a little and gathered me into his arms, repositioning his legs and swinging me onto his lap. I wrapped my legs around him and held him close.

"Let it go, Edward. Just let it go. It does not matter."

The love of my existence sighed, and deflated as the stress went out of him. "I'll let it go, but only if you'll sing the rest of the song to me," he smiled into my shoulder.

"You are crazy. I can't sing, really." I gave a nervous chuckle.

"I don't care what you sound like. Distract me, love. Give me something new about you to mull over."

How could I refuse that? I sang to him, changing a few words to make it come from a feminine perspective. I guess he liked it, Heaven only knows why, because I was pretty bad. I suppose he found it endearing. Anyway, I could _tell_ he liked it because he started to rock me and nibble on my neck. As soon as I was done singing, I whispered a suggestion that we go back upstairs and reclaim our room. If I knew my vampires, they were spying on us.

"I don't know if I can bear that bed right now, Bella."

"Emo. Well, how about the couch?"

"Yeah, I guess that would be okay."

I slithered down off his knees and took his hand, and we walked together back into the house. There was nobody around as we made our way upstairs.

Edward's room held a surprise. I wondered who was responsible. Alice, or Esme, I suspected.

There was a large black privacy screen, blocking the bed from view. It had been pushed up against the outside wall, blocking our private exit. The couch was back in the middle of the room, where it had been when I first visited the room, nearly 18 months ago. A pile of fresh linens and pillows sat on the floor beside it.

"Wow. Someone has been thoughtful," I mused.

"They have their moments," Edward stated. Then, he kissed me. I forgot everything else. I forgot my name. Without stopping the kiss, we managed to shuck our clothes, and rub ourselves together in a most satisfying way.

Soon, we were back to where we had left off when Seth stuck his adolescent nose in our business. Edward thrust his finger in me and my knees buckled. He deposited me on the couch without missing a beat. I ground myself into his hand, growling. In no time at all, I released all over him. Edward rubbed my essence into the leather of the couch.

"Now that's what I want to smell in here," he growled.

"Mmm-hmm," I agreed. I clutched his swollen dick and pulled him closer. My hands wandered and squeezed and kneaded him everywhere, while he rubbed against me and I kissed him.

"Are you up for trying something new?" I asked tentatively. Edward regarded me warily.

"Do I dare ask where you got whatever idea has struck you?"

"You do _not_ want to know. Why don't you kneel up on the couch?"

When I knelt on the floor behind him, he flinched away and looked at me nervously. "Don't go all Victorian on me. I'm not going to rape you." He turned away from me, hanging over the back of the couch tensely. I ran my hands down his back, soothingly. Then, I reached between his legs and pulled his dick back and milked it. At the same time, I licked his inner thighs, then moved in to kiss his perineum.

He practically levitated away from me in shock, and turned to look at me with black eyes. I moved in again and he gasped when my tongue touched him. I covered every inch of him in kisses for awhile, then slipped a wet finger in him and searched for the prostate. It was not hard to find. A hard walnut, just as I'd been told. I hooked my finger over it and pulled it toward me, hard.

Edward almost fell over the back of the couch. I smirked. "Harder, Bella," he snarled. I increased my pressure, and he arched and moaned. This continued for some minutes. Then, he threw himself away from me and onto his back. His eyes were black fire. It made me a little nervous, since I remembered what happened the last time he had looked at me like that.

"You aren't going to bite me, are you?" I asked timidly.

"No, I am going to cum for you. Watch me, love!" He threw back his head, pumped himself, and shot his load for me. I retrrieved it from his abdomen and spread it around the furniture.

"Now that's what I want to smell in here." I said. He smiled crookedly at me. I went around and extinguished the candles. They were almost burned out. Then, I snagged a blanket off the floor and threw it over the both of us. He snuggled up.

I considered an early night. It had been an exhausting day.

We were ensconsed in our own little world when my stomach grumbled loudly.

Edward shifted, "Bella, did you skip dinner?"

"Yeah..." I admitted.

"Bella! You need to eat," he chastised.

"Oh, alright. I guess I can go down in front of all those nosey people and get some food," I sighed and threw off the blanket. Edward went to the closet and retrieved my robe, and held it out for me. I kissed him briefly and headed for the door.

"Oh, scratch that. There's a delivery waiting for you in the hall," Edward stated. When I opened the door, there was a tray with a lid over it sitting outside it. "Thanks, Alice!" I yelled. It could only be her.

"You're welcome, Bella" she sang back.

Huh. Now, I was getting room service. I lifted the tray and brought it in the room with difficulty. Edward grabbed it out of my hands and carried it over to the couch for me, and then set it on my lap. I inspected the contents: hot fried chicken Hungry Man Dinner, with gravy, mashed potatoes, peas, carrots and corn, and the apple-pudding I liked so much. Guess Esme had tried out the new oven.

"How many more hours 'til the wedding?" I asked my love, licking gravy off my fingers.

"What time is it? I've lost track."

"It's 7:30."

"A bit less than 68 hours." He murmured, turning his face toward me and snuggling down.

I ate every bite of my dinner, and stuck the tray outside the door just to see if somebody would clean up after me. I thought it was funny. Then I coaxed Edward to get into a spoon position in front of me while I lay down with my face toward the back of the couch. After some shifting around and fussing, somehow I fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Interfering Pixie**

**Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Some storyline is borrowed from Breaking Dawn's initial chapters. Music belongs to its respective owners. I own nothing.**

**Alice's pov**

I rolled away from Jazzy, sated for the time being. He was such an animal. What a great start to the day. He was sure a sight to feast the eyes upon, a long drink of water after the Southern heat. He stared back at me, hand behind his head, sprawled out and gazing languidly back at me.

Bella had used my suggestion. Edward would be a lot more cheerful this morning. I had _Seen_ him carry her back to the bed in the middle of the night, and he would tell her this morning that he had decided to be practical and cut the melodrama. Obviously trying to squish up on a couch with her did not turn his crank. I knew, however, that he'd be looking for a new bed before long. One that was just for him and Bella. So sweet and old-fashioned! I'd have to give him the heads-up that Esme was already getting them one, so he didn't make the gift redundant.

I was glad he had decided to forgive the Denalis. It didn't do to mope or hold grudges. There were too many excuses to be unhappy in this world, and one day you turned around and life and family were gone. I tried never to miss an opportunity to be happy, or make someone else happy.

I was also antsy. I was dying to eavesdrop, because Edward was going to have to explain the funny looks he'd be giving Bella this morning. Too good to miss.

"We'd best get the day going, Jazz. Gonna be busy. Bella's going to go and gas up the Guardian, and then she's going home to Charlie's. I've got to do the final fit on Charlie's suit and her dresses. You men will have to be prepared for fittings this afternoon, so don't let anybody disappear, okay?

"Fine Lis. Hadn't you better do the women's clothes first? The women will care more about looking perfect than the men will."

"The women will care enough about their appearance to _not _spruce off somewhere tomorrow when I am expecting to do the job. The women, incidentally, will be staring at the _men _and so the men had _better_ look their best."

"Oh, joy. _ There_'s my cue to go and warn the men to primp themselves up all nice and pretty tomorrow. You are one scary little monster, Lis." Jasper rolled out of bed and into some black button-down jeans and an old-fashioned white tee. I loved it when he went commando. Shame to cover up all that perfection, but we weren't near as big exhibitionists as the Denalis, even if Edward _did_ call me a voyeur. Jasper kissed me softly and headed downstairs.

I shimmied into my favourite Perrine Bruyere blouse and custom jeans, and made a side trip to my bathroom to fix my hair and face. Wouldn't want to go down looking like a succubus. After that, I hurried down to the kitchen to watch the show.

Edward was already on a stool, watching Bella, seated opposite, eat breakfast. She looked a little uncomfortable. What fun. I hauled up a stool and sat where I could watch both of them. I started singing the _Battle Hymn of the Republic_ in Mandarin to keep Edward out.

"How long?" Bella asked out of the blue.

"Fifty five hours. So what's on your agenda this morning?" he asked her.

"Oh, I dunno. I think I should gas up the Vanquish and do a couple of errands." Bella ate another mouthful of cereal.

"I think Charlie is missing you already. Maybe you should spend a bit of time with him today."

"Trying to ditch me, Mr. Cullen?"

"You won't get rid of me that easily, Minx." The silence stretched for a few minutes. Edward was giving Bella that funny look again. Wary? Incredulous? Amazed? Speculative? Thankful? Hmm. Probably all of that, combined. I smirked, singing in my head.

He noticed. "What are you up to, today, Trouble?" _There_ was a double-edged question!

"Oh, I've just got a few last minute details to take care of. No big," I dissembled. I didn't want to mention the fitting to Bella. She'd be sure to disappear if she knew I wanted to check the fit of the gown and the going away dress today. She'd get nervous about the wedding again. Silly girl.

Edward was barely listening to what I said. He was staring at Bella again. I scrambled for something else to keep him out. Unfortunately, I picked _Like a Virgin_. He hated that song, for obvious reasons. Bella saved me before he could pounce. _Oh, boy, here it comes! _ I grinned.

"Edward, why are you looking at me like that!?" _Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee_

Edward shot daggers at me with his eyes. _What's your problem? _ I thought at him, faking innocence.

"Edward!?"

"Sorry, Bella. Um, you just uh... surprised me a little last night. The way you ... It never occurred to me ... uh... _Alice_, isn't there _somewhere else_ you should _be right now_!?"

"Nope." He and Bella looked at each other, reluctant to continue the conversation in my presence.

"There's no point in worrying about little old me," I shrugged. "I already know about the whole thing. I was the one who gave her the idea, Edward." I hopped down off the stool, out of his easy reach, and danced back a few steps.

"Do you interfere in the sex lives of the _rest _of this household as much as you interfere in mine, Ms Cheshire Cat?" he demanded crossly, glaring at me again.

"Of course not. You are my favourite brother, even if you are too uptight. And since you waited so long to get interesting, you are _much_ more fun to watch than any of them _ever _were." Bella blushed hotly and he rolled his eyes, ready to argue.

"I thought I told you to butt out."

"Nice pun," I smirked. Bella covered her mouth and turned a laugh into a cough. "Oh, _don't_ be a spoilsport! You know you enjoyed it. Bella, you should _press on_ with that activity. He's just shy." Bella started to giggle, pink as a ripe peach.

Edward levered himself off the stool, growling, as I flung myself out the kitchen window. I laughed all the way to Charlie's house. I knew Edward would get over it. After all, I'd helped Bella learn some enthralling new tricks. She still had more up her sleeve, and I couldn't wait to _See_ his reactions.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Two Days to Go**

**All belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. Please no sue.**

**Edward's pov**

Bella went off on her errands and to go and see Charlie. I spent the remainder of the morning packing a few last items and confirmed all our reservations: planes, reminder to housekeepers, fridge stocked, house cleaned and aired, boat reserved. Check. I also slipped a piece of lingerie into the suitcase that Alice had packed for Bella, hoping nobody would notice. Black and racy. Bella probably wouldn't even touch it.

Soon, we would be spending a whole night apart. I was not looking forward to it. The addict would be going without his customary dose of heroin for at least 14 hours. I would have to see if Jasper would agree to instill some calm in Bella so that she could get some sleep. She would be needing it before the honeymoon.

Later in the afternoon, the male Cullens and I were conscripted by Shorty to do a Final Fitting. I couldn't deny that my bratty sister had done a good job on the wedding. The grey morning suits, white linen shirts, and silvery blue cummerbunds and cravats were very sharp. I was pleased with them. The humans would probably think our wedding party was worthy of _Vanity Fair._ Ah, well. Let them think it. As soon as Bella came down the aisle in her gown I had no doubt that everyone in the room would forget about everyone but her. We would all fade nicely into the background. Bella wouldn't like that, of course, but she would just have to deal with the attention for once.

I thought about Bella in her dress. I thought about what we were going to promise each other, and I thought of what I had promised her. Feelings warred in my head. Anxiety and fear would not prevent me from acceding to her wishes. Dread battled elation. Angst battled calm. I was bouncing around like a blasted yo yo with the nerves. Then, there was the lust. Always the lust. I wondered what Bella would wear for me, once we reached the island...

"Hey, Bimbo! Could you tone it down? You're making me nauseous over here," Jasper said wryly. Emmett laughed his dirty laugh and Carlisle smirked.

"Sorry, Jasper."

Shortly after suppertime, Bella pulled into the driveway. She handed Em her keys, per usual. We didn't let her put the car in the garage herself. If Bella ever bumped into one of our vehicles, Rosalie would destroy her.

"Hello Mr. Cullen. I missed you today," Bella kissed me hello, took my hand, and led me into the living room. "How long?" she asked as she pushed me down on the piano bench.

"Thirty eight." I smiled crookedly at her and started to play a piece I had written for the wedding. Rosalie would be playing it for us.

"Gee, is that all? We're getting there, aren't we? Do you happen to know if my mother has called? I'm a bit worried because Alice still hadn't _Seen_ where they'll be staying."

"I wouldn't worry about it, love. I know Renee's flighty, but surely Phil will have made sure the arrangements are in place. He knows how important it is for her to be here. Besides, there are plenty of hotels in cities nearby, and we can always lend her a vehicle."

"I guess they'll be here in the morning. Are you coming to the airport with me to get them?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"It'll be so nice to see her. It seems so long since we were there."

My eyes dropped at this and I stopped playing. Soon the separation would become much more permanent. Bella put her face below mine and peeked up into my eyes, "Uh-oh. No moping. I can see somebody has been over-thinking things today."

"I cannot deny that I am still worried about hurting you, Bella. What if I-"

"That's enough, Edward. I think we both know the risks and I still want to try. Just try, as we agreed. Yes?"

"I'll keep my promise. But you've seen the risk. If you get hurt, you are just as accountable as me."

"Fifty-fifty. Isn't that what marriage is about?" she smiled encouragingly at me and I couldn't help smiling back.

_Thank God she's home. Maybe Bimbo will get out of his funk._ "Hey, Jasper. Someone has been moping today," Bella smiled.

"Bouncing up and down like an India Rubber Ball would be more accurate. Nothing like a manic depressive vampire. Why don't you elope with him tonight, Bella, and save me a headache?"

"Uh, Jazz, do you seriously think your wife would let me live if we did that? She'd probably kill you too, as a matter of fact."

"Well, yeah. Try to get his head in order though, will you? I can deal with emotions one at a time, but the roller coaster ride is wearing me out."

The rest of the family wandered in from different directions at that point, and we decided to put on a video that most of us had not seen before. _Underworld Evolution_. It was pretty good, like the others in the series. Boy, would I like to get Bella into that suit ... oops. "Sorry, Jasper." The ending was a little depressing, though. Rose thought so , too. After all, Celine and Michael could create an entire new species. That wouldn't be happening for us.

Bella yawned theatrically, pulled me to my feet, and wished everyone goodnight. It was only 8:30pm. I changed into my pyjamas, feeling apathetic about the bed, while Bella completed her night time ablutions. While she was out of the room, I leaned up against the headboard and reasoned with myself and tried to put on a cheerful face. It must not have been very convincing, because the moment she came back in, Bella pouted and crawled straight up me on the bed.

"Okay, why are you so pensive tonight? Changed your mind about being stuck with me forever?" she teased.

"You're not getting rid of me. I'm just nervous."

"There's something more."

"Well, it's not anything we can change, so there's no point fretting about it." I avoided her eyes.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, do I have to ask Alice?"

"NO. No, Bella. It's alright. It's just that, well, sometimes I feel inadequate."

"We've had this discussion, Edward. You are the only person on the planet that I want. You're brilliant, kind, handsome, a great lover and companion, and you're physically able to take perfect care of me. We have always managed in the past, and we will manage the day after tomorrow. Have I missed anything? Like how I love the way you smell, and how great I feel when you're with me, and how I want to be with you forever? Anything? Huh? Love?" with that, Bella tickled me in the one place only she knew I was ticklish.

"Oh, Minx, stop. No, really, stop!" I did my giggly best to trap her fragile wrists without hurting her. Then, I kissed them.

"Why don't I sense you letting this go? What got to you today? Honestly, you can tell me."

I evaluated her attitude carefully, not wishing for any unpleasantness, and fearing what she would say. Bella was so unpredictable. God forbid that she indulge me when I was wanting something that was wrong.

"I was thinking today, about how to make this night special, since those of the Cullens who are superstitious are going to be very interfering, and I won't get to see you for at least 14 hours."

"And?"

"And I'm fixated on something that is not possible. That's too dangerous for you. And I haven't been able to think of anything else I want to do, all day." Bella looked at me like she understood. That kind of worried me.

"I'm afraid to tell you, because I can't tell what you'll think. I think it might be better to keep it to myself."

"Now I _really_ want to know," she said, giving me a shove in the chest. "If you don't tell me, I'll only assume it's something worse." She looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"You know, I really hate it when you use my own lines against me," I smiled.

"_Tell_ me."

"I've been thinking all day, how much I would like to kiss you."

"Well come on! Kiss me, then." Bella came in for the kiss. I held her back.

"Uh, no, I meant a proper kiss. A French kiss."

"Oh. And you're worried about venom."

"Yes. I would have to turn you right away if any venom got in your mouth. And then we'd miss our own wedding and Alice would put _us _in a chipper-shredder."

"Missing the wedding. Hmm. I guess that _would _be a bad idea, in so many ways."

"You see? Impossible."

"How does the venom work? Is it always in your mouth? Is it like saliva?

"No, it's not. But it's still too risky, Bella. I often have to swallow it when I'm near you as it is."

"Well, where does it come from?"

"It comes out of a duct in the top of my mouth, behind my teeth. It also is in my canine teeth. They're sort of hollow, like a snakes, and there's a hole in the bottom of them, so the part of the legend about fangs isn't as far off as I let you think. If I bite something, the venom is injected. If you're careful, you can see , but don't get too close in case I drool any on you." I opened my mouth and leaned back so Bella could see the duct and the teeth.

"Huh. That is really cool."

"Sure, if you say so," I rolled my eyes.

"So why don't you try to give me just a _small_ kiss."

I panicked, " I _knew_ if I told you, this would happen. Are you _nuts_?"

"Absolutely. Danger Magnet, remember? Now, I want that kiss, even if it only lasts two seconds."

"No!"

"Yes."

"No!"

"Please, Edward? Please? Kiss me? Just try. Just for a second or two. Please?"

"Aargh. Why do I listen to you?" I fisted my hair.

"Because you love me. Now try."

I pinched my eyes shut and huffed out a resigned breath.

"Please, Edward?"

I stared at Bella and she stared back. Then, I took hold of her face and I moved in. As soon as I got close, the venom pooled. I swallowed it, cursing. We sat still for a few minutes, waiting.

I tried again, and the venom pooled. I dropped my head, exhaling. We waited again. My mouth was dry with fear. I could ruin everything, for one kiss that I wasn't willing to wait a few more days to get. Stupid selfish vampire. I shouldn't have said anything. I shut my eyes and started to tell Bella it wasn't going to work.

She moved so unexpectedly that I didn't see it coming. Her tongue was in my mouth, and my tongue was on hers. Fantastic. She moaned. Then, as fast as it started, she had withdrawn. She was passing out.

I grabbed her face in a panic. "Bella, Bella, are you okay? Is there any burning? Did I hurt you?" She moaned again groggily and grabbed my wrists.

"Gentle! If you keep squeezing me like that, you _will_ hurt me! I'm totally fine Edward, and that was fabulous. I may pass out in ecstasy. No, there is no burning. Your mouth was dry. I am going to count the days until I am a vampire, so you can kiss me 24 hours a day. You will get _sick _of kissing me."

"I seriously doubt that. And you took the words right out of my mouth. That was amazing. But you almost gave me a heart attack, Bella."

"I know. Your eyes are black fire again. You aren't going to bite me, are you?"

"Uhn-uh. I'm too close to getting married. You know how long I have waited to see you in that dress."

"You haven't been peeking at Alice, have you?!"

"Well, I tried. She's being very careful not to think about the dress around me. It's very frustrating," I admitted.

"Edward Cullen, you are a brat!"

"Yes, but you love me."

"How about you and I show how much we love each other?"

"I thought you'd never ask." I started nuzzling Bella's neck and she hitched her legs up around my hips. We were just getting really comfortable when I heard Renee. I froze. Then, the doorbell rang.

"Oh, shit!"

"What? Who is it?"

"Your mother and Phil. They're here, they're embarrassed, and they're sans hotel. Get dressed fast, they want to see us."

"Oh, crap! What next?" Bella fell out of bed onto the floor, and crawled to the closet to retrieve her clothing. I threw on my shirt, struggling with the buttons. One popped and pinged across the room. I flew to the closet and snagged a t-shirt off the rack.

Bella was trying to do up her bra. I spun her around and did it for her. Then, I dragged a t-shirt over her head and sent her to brush her hair. We were in the bathroom, debating in whispers about how freely we should behave in front of Renee, when the summons from Esme echoed up the stairs.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: More Houseguests**

**Credit goes to Eowyn 77 for the Denalis' job description. Read her Denali Coven stories. They're superb.**

**I own nothing. All belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Please no sue.**

**Renee's pov**

Bella and Edward came gambolling down the stairs like a couple of young colts. He practically carried her down. They stopped at the bottom and caught their breath. _Definitely_ surprised to see us.

"Oh, _Bella_! _Edward!_ You are both a s_ight_ for sore eyes." I ran over to embrace them enthusiastically. "_Tell me_ how you're doing. I bet you can't _wait _for the Big Day." I turned to look at the other Cullens, "You know, I was always against marrying young, but Bella is just like Charlie. So _determined._ She never changes her mind. And look at _Edward._ _So _debonaire. _How_ could she resist?" The Cullens behind me all chuckled. I took Edward's face in my hands and gave his cheek a pat. He lowered his eyes bashfully. Gosh, he was cold.

"Mom? What are you doing here? We weren't expecting you until tomorrow." Bella blinked nervously and eyed me with a crease between her brows. I smoothed it out.

"Well, you see, honey, I was _trying_ to paint my nails when I booked the flight, and it ends up that I wrote down the wrong date and the flight was _this _morning,_ not _tomorrow morning so now we are here early and the hotel is not reserved until tomorrow. We've been in Seattle all day, trying to get a room for tonight, but there's some sort of Sci Fi convention going on and every room between here and Montana is booked solid.

"You're kidding."

"Wish I _was_. Anyway, we were wondering if it would be too much trouble for you to put us up tonight, Esme? We'd be glad to sleep on the floor, or the couch, or anywhere." I looked around the room, only then noticing that there were a lot of people there I hadn't met before.

"Oh, uh, I'm sure we can find... somewhere to put you, Renee. Hi, Phil, welcome to our home. I'm Esme, and that's Carlisle." Carlisle came over and shook hands with Phil. Then Esme introduced us around.

"Renee has already met our daughter Alice. I'm not sure if you met her, Phil. No? And that's her husband, Jasper." She pointed him out. Dangerous looking kid. A bit Goth. _ "Wave_ Jasper!'" Esme growled. Then, she turned apologetically to me. "He's a little shy. That is our elder son Emmett, and his wife Rosalie. Over here, we have our cousins from Alaska. Carmen and Eleazar Denali, and their daughters Tanya and Kate."

"How wonderful to meet you all. Bella has mentioned all of you at one time or another. It is a great pleasure to see you all at last." I was gushing, wasn't I?

"Renee, Phil? Why don't you sit and get acquainted, while we decide where to put you. I'm afraid the Denalis are in Carlisle's office on the pull-out couch and the floor. We will have to be creative to find a spot for you." I noticed Edward slip his arm quietly around Bella.

Oh-ho! So that was how the cookie crumbled, hey? He was staking his claim. There wouldn't be any kicking him out of his room tonight, in other words. I bet Charlie was _delighted_ with that. Probably didn't let Edward have sleepovers at his house. That would explain why Bella was never there when I called. She virtually lived here. Poor Bella. Charlie was such a stick in the mud.

I sat down near the Denalis. "My, Tanya, but you do have pretty hair. I had a little girl in my kindergarten once, with hair just like that. You don't have relatives in Phoenix, do you?"

"O, I fear not, friend Renee. My parents were Russian, and I don't remember my father, and my mother passed away eons ago. Carmen and Eleazar adopted both Kate and myself."

"Well, aren't you wonderful! If more people adopted kids this world would be a lot better place." The couple beamed at me.

"Yes, well, we just wanted to spread our love around."

"How sweet. And what do you do for a living, Eleazar? Are you a doctor, too?"

"Oh, no. My wife and I write instruction manuals in the art of love, and she and Tanya and Kate write successful romance fiction.

"_Really?_ I love romance novels. Would I have read any of your books?" I asked, astonished.

"Very likely, but we do not talk about our books. We write anonymously, so no-one can bother us. People can be so close-minded, you know?"

"I'm sure."

Suddenly, Esme, Carlisle and Edward and Bella were back. Esme spoke to us, "Renee? Charlie has agreed to take Edward for the night, so you and Phil can have his room." _Charlie agreed_ to let _Edward_ sleep over? _That _was going to be interesting. Wish I could be a fly on the wall. I took my eyebrows down off the ceiling.

"Well, Edward, it is very kind of you to give up your room for us. What a great son-in-law we're getting, don't you agree, Phil? Only if you're sure it's not too much fuss, Edward. If Charlie is going to give you any trouble, we'll sleep here on the floor."

"Charlie seems to be okay with it, Renee, so please make yourself at home. Bella and I will come back in time for breakfast, and then we'll see you settled at your hotel before it's time for the rehearsal."

"That's very good of you, dear. Bella, perhaps you would show me upstairs?"

"Uh, Mom, I think we need a few minutes to, uh, tidy up."

_Change the sheets and hide the lube, she means. _"Okay, sweetheart."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Meanwhile ...**

**All belongs to Stephenie. Nothing is mine.**

**Edward's pov**

Renee had no clue what she was asking. If she only understood, she would go running for the hills and drag Bella with her. Good thing she _didn't_ have a clue, because there was no way Bella was going anywhere without me.

"You'll have to give up your room, Edward" Esme said.

"I only _just _decided to _keep_ my room, Esme. Where are Bella and I supposed to sleep?"

"You don't sleep, dear."

"You know very well what I'm talking about. Tomorrow, my brothers are going to keep me away from Bella. This is the last chance we get to spend alone before she is removed from my wicked clutches for 14 hours or more. It would not be a good idea to have my throat burning for the wedding day, you know? I need more contact with her than that."

"So call Charlie and ask to sleep over at his house."

"Charlie is going to expect me to bunk on the couch. That will not be helpful. And if Bella shows up alone to sleep in her own bed, Charlie is going to be checking the bed all night for my sneaky ass."

"Well, there are no more beds anywhere, and I can't see Renee and Phil understanding why they can't sleep undisturbed in the living room on the couches, and I can't see the vampires quarantining themselves in darkened bedrooms and Carlisle's office all night. Do you want the Denalis wandering through to chat with the humans in the wee hours of the morning? At least in your room, Renee and Phil would be able to lock themselves in."

Alice inserted herself into the vampire-quiet conversation, "Edward? If you phone Charlie and tell him the situation, he is going to let you break the rules for once. It's the best solution."

"You're kidding," I said incredulously.

"No, he's going to bend. As long as you watch the game with him tonight, he will be in a pretty good mood. He was very glad that you spoke to him about Seth. He found you much more easy to relate to after that. More human and less perfect."

"Are you telling me Charlie found me intimidating?"

"No, more like 'uppity' and a threat to his relationship with Bella."

"I think he was right in the first place. Are you sure this is the best option? Putting _Renee_ and _Phil_ up in a house full of vampires?"

"I'll get Renee and Phil to lock themselves in, and they will be safe from anyone who might be inclined to disturb them. If they sleep on the couches, there is a 100% probability that the Denalis will hunt Phil. And I'm afraid there's a small chance that if they wander about, Jasper will bite one of them. Renee smells nearly as appetizing as Bella."

"Crap. I guess my hands are tied. Let me go and call Charlie." I removed myself to the back yard and dialed Charlie's number. He answered on the third ring. Rats. I was hoping I'd get out of it. Of course, I _should _always bet on Alice.

"Hello?"

"Hi Dad, it's me."

"Edward! What's up, son?"

"Well, I kind of have a favour to ask you." I squirmed.

"What's that?"

"Renee and Phil showed up at my house tonight. Renee booked their hotel starting on the wrong day, and now she wants to stay at my house."

"Figures. Renee never was any good with that crap. So what are you asking from me?"

"Um, I'm being kicked out of my room, so Bella has to sleep at your place tonight. And there's no bed for me at home. I won't even get to watch the game, because there are cousins staying in our living room.

"They're kicking the groom out of bed the night before the rehearsal?"

"Yeah. I'm homeless."

"Well, you can stay on our couch and watch the game with me. That's no problem."

"Actually, Dad, I was wondering if you'd allow an exception to the house rule, because I can't sleep anymore if Bella isn't with me."

"You know how I feel about that, Edward. It's not because I don't approve of you, it's just how I was raised."

"I'm not asking for a green light, sir, I just want to get a solid sleep before the wedding. We are so wiped." Several moments of silence ticked by while Charlie considered.

"Just sleeping?"

"Yes sir, I promise."

"Does Bella promise?"

"Oh, crap. You know what _that_ promise is worth. Bella is ruthless when she wants something. How 'bout this? If she tries anything I'll be a good boy and remove myself to the couch."

"Yeah, okay. Only since you've been so honest, mind."

"Oh, thanks Dad. I _really_ appreciate it."

"Have you guys eaten?"

"Yes, a couple of hours ago. Have you?"

"No. I'll just have some cereal or something."

"Why don't I pick up a pizza on our way over?"

"Hey, that'd be great. How 'bout getting 'The Works'?"

"Sure, whatever you'd like. Charlie? Thanks a lot. For trusting me."

"Well, I figure you'll officially be family in less than two days. Now you'd better hurry, or you'll miss the start of the game."

I rejoined Esme and Bella at the foot of the stairs. "Okay, it's all set with Charlie. We need to leave now, Bella, because I'm picking him up a pizza on our way and he doesn't want me to miss the start of the game. Guess we'll be doing some male bonding this evening."

"He's _letting_ you _stay_ in my _room_?"

"On the condition that we do nothing intimate. If you start something, Minx, I have given my word that I will move to the couch."

"So much for a memorable night" she grumbled.

"At least I'll be with you without fear of Charlie's gun, and you'll have the chance to get some sleep."

"Well, that doesn't sound so bad. Better than sending you out on the roof every time he comes to check on me."

"Bella, just don't eat too much pizza or your skin will break out tomorrow," Alice warned. Bella nodded resignedly. Alice had been monitoring her diet for weeks.

Esme looked at me, "What am I going to do with two innocent humans under our roof overnight?"

"Treat them like Bella, but tell them to lock their door. Tell them sometimes people barge in, looking for me or Bella. If the Denalis say something rude, tell Renee they've had a hard life. Oh, and everyone may have to pretend to eat meals tomorrow."

"Oh, horror. The Denalis won't like that."

"They want to make it up to me for desecrating my room, right? Tell them I require them to pose as humans as penance for their sins, and then we'll let bygones be bygones."

"Okay. Bella, maybe you'd better show your mother upstairs." Esme seemed reluctant to do it herself.

"Okay Esme. Good luck tonight."

"We're going to need it. The Denalis have no experience interacting with humans this closely. They're apt to say or do something irreparable."

"Let's just hope for the best, shall we? Now, let's deal with Renee and Phil so Bella and I can get over to Charlie's." I muttered.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Sleepover at Charlie's**

**Edward and company are not mine, sadly. Sigh. **

**This chapter refers back to "Unforeseen Events".**

**Charlie's pov**

I waited anxiously by the window for the kids. It was a little uncomfortable for me, letting them shack up under my roof, despite my being aware that they had been bunking in together elsewhere for at least a month. I wasn't sure I was ready to send them up to Bella's room together at bedtime. Stupid, really. So, I guessed we'd see whether Charlie Swan had matured any since the day he pulled his gun on his daughter's fiance, handcuffed him and dragged him home to his parents. In some respects, I still desperately wanted to get the gun.

Just before 9pm, the kids arrived in the Vanquish. I loved that car. Edward handed me a piping hot pizza. It was my favourite kind, from the fancier pizza place in town. "Hey, kid! Trying to butter me up?"

Edward chuckled, "Yessir. I am mindful of your gun." Sometimes, I wondered if he could read minds.

I slapped him on the back and drew Bella into a hug. "I've seen you twice in one day. There's a minor miracle."

"If you _knew_ how busy Alice and company are keeping us, you could _properly_ appreciate what a true miracle it is," Bella complained as she flopped into the loveseat.

I set down the pizza box on the coffee table and passed the kids plates that I'd set out on it earlier. Edward declined. Guess he didn't want to have to deal with his allergies this close to the wedding. Bella took a slice, though. I grabbed a piece of the pizza. It was sensational. "Oh, this is great, Edward. Thanks for bringing it. Sure you won't have some?"

"No thanks, Charlie. No sense tempting fate. I need to be really well for the next couple of weeks." I _bet _he did. He looked at me like he knew exactly what I was thinking. _A change of subject was in order._

"So Freshies, I've been wondering about Dartmouth. Have you two found a place to live yet?"

"Mmm!" Bella's cheese slid off her pizza onto her chin and down onto her front. "Em and Rose-" she said with her mouth full, trying to save the cheese without burning herself. Edward mopped her up with a napkin. Then, he saw me staring at his hands, and handed napkins to Bella. Her t-shirt was going to be ruined with sauce. Wait a minute. Wasn't that one of _his _t-shirts? _Calm down Charlie. They're almost married._

"Rose and Em want us to live with them," Edward informed me.

"Well, that sounds smart. You'll be safer all together than you will apart. Be with people you know, and hopefully get along with."

"Yeah, well, Em and I have always been close. We'll see how we do with Rose. She likes to be the boss. It will take some getting used to."

"So what are you studying, Edward? I don't think you ever said."

"Molecular Biology, with the aim of going into medical research."

"Wow. I didn't know you were interested in medicine."

"Carlisle has already taught me a lot. I've been reading his texts since I was a little kid. But I don't think I want to deal with patients. Bella says I'm too Emo. I think lab work will suit me better."

"That's a pretty impressive career choice. I bet you'll do really well."

"Thanks, Charlie, uh, Dad. Is the game starting soon?"

"Any minute now."

"Well, if you men will excuse me, I think I will remove myself to my room to do a little reading. Heathcliffe has not seen me in a long time."

"I'll remember you want to spend time with Heathcliffe instead of me." Edward teased.

"If I sit here, I will only whine and yawn and spoil your man-time," Bella rejoined. "Good night, love. Good night, Dad." She kissed Edward softly and padded upstairs. He smiled at her affectionately.

"See you in the morning, Bells." It was nice, thinking that she'd be under my roof two more nights. It was going to be lonely when she left home permanently. Plus, I was going to starve to death. Not that I'd admit that to her.

"I don't know if you're interested, Dad, but you're welcome to join us for breakfast tomorrow. We're expected to go home early to shovel Renee and Phil out of the house and into their hotel."

"Not that the idea of Esme's cooking isn't tempting, son, but I think I'll give it a pass. Renee may be loveable, but she is also crazy. It will be enough for me to spend the evening with them. What time do I need to be at the Lodge, again?"

"5:30pm. Alice swears it's going to rain tomorrow, so it's a good thing we changed our plans. Be nothing like trying to barbecue out in a thunderstorm."

"Seth still hanging around?"

"Not since I gave him 'The Talk'. How is the little pup?"

"Bit sheepish, and a bit sneaky. Kid had quite the collection under his bed. Even got a _Hustler_ from somewhere. Lucky thing Sue didn't decide to kill dust bunnies before I got to him. I'm kind of surprised he's not back at your place, hiding out from me. Got to be easier for him to talk to _you_ than to me."

"I don't think so. Besides, I have a 15 year old cousin staying with me who is quite the little live wire. She's stunning, but full of herself. Seth really put his foot in his mouth with her. She said he asked her to let him touch her boobs. Had he been a little older he probably would have gotten his way. She thought it was cute."

"No way! Cheeky little bastard."

"He thinks he can get by on 'cute', but that won't last much longer. He's going to get his teeth rattled one of these days."

"Right. Did you talk to him about tact? And how he's going to find his nuts in his throat if he keeps up that kind of approach?"

"Nope. Haven't seen him," Edward sighed.

"I'd like to corner him again, but he's going to find out we're in league."

"Better walk softly, or he'll stop talking to both of us."

"So there are a pile of guests in your house?"

"You can't go _anywhere_ without tripping over someone. It's driving me mad. My crazy cousins are always underfoot. They aren't as ... modest as we are. Sometimes somebody streaks down the hall from the bathroom to their room. I don't dare look at anybody straight on anymore. One time I even went out in the woods to pee, and all the girls came out of nowhere and caught me. It's so nice and quiet here. You have no idea how overwhelming the noise is getting at my place. People, coming and going at all hours."

"Soon be over, and you and Bell will be off on your own."

"Thank goodness."

"Yeah, I'll bet you feel that way." I smirked.

"I love her, Chief."

"If I wasn't certain of that, I couldn't give her away, kid. You two are going to be just fine." I turned my attention to the game. For awhile, we didn't talk. Then, we exchanged some comments about the players. At least my almost-son-in-law knew how to play football. When I'd found out he was a braniac and a musician, I was afraid we'd have nothing to talk about. But he was good company. We'd get along like a house on fire.

The game ended about 11:30 and Edward excused himself for bed. "Uh, Edward? I know you have to be out of here fairly early, but do you think I could take the Vanquish for a little spin before you go?"

He looked at me, surprised but pleased, "Sure. I'll give you the keys now. It's a beaut, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I might have to shoot you so I can steal it."

Edward chuckled in reply, "That won't be necessary. You can use it anytime you want. In fact, I'll leave it here for you while we're on the honeymoon."

"Won't Carlisle mind?"

"Why would he? It's my car."

"Gee, thanks Edward. Must be a hefty loan payment."

"No, I own it outright. Along with my house in Chicago, which is rented out right now, and the other two cars."

"Oh." _Eighteen year old kid owns $100,000 car. And a Volvo. And a Merc Guardian. And a house. Crap._

"I told you, Dad, Bella won't ever want for anything."

"I thought you were exaggerating."

"I never exaggerate where Bella's welfare is concerned. Get carried away about keeping her safe? Guilty." Edward smiled wryly. He sure knew how to put an old man's mind at ease.

Soon after, Edward headed upstairs. I cleared up and shut down the house. Then, I had a whim. I felt pretty silly, but I'd picked up a women's magazine one day at Sue's when I was waiting for her to get ready to go to Billy's. In it was an article about whether a marriage would last based on sleeping postures. The closer your sleeping position with your spouse, it claimed, the healthier your marriage was. I remembered how far Renee used to sleep from me. She'd be perched right on the edge of the bed. A couple of times, she'd actually fallen out.

I just couldn't resist taking a peek. Bella's room was dark, and all I could hear was peaceful, even breathing. I pushed the door open silently. Bella was sound asleep with her hair fanned out over her pillow. She had on dark coloured, long-sleeved pajamas, and she was wrapped up in blankets up to her chin. Girl was cold, even in summer.

Edward was asleep on top of the covers, clad in dark pajama pants. Kid was all muscle. Lithe, like a cat. He was spooned up behind Bella with one leg over hers, and his face tucked down close to her neck. His left arm was loosely around her waist, and his right hand lay open-palmed upon the pillow. Renee and I had never slept like that. So, Edward and Bella would do well together. They did look very peaceful, lying there. The next few days would be insanely busy for them. I hoped they would get a good sleep.

I closed the door softly and left them together.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Madhouse**

**I'm just playing with Stephenie's people. I'll put them back after, I promise."Teddy Bear" belongs to Elvis Presley.**** Please don't hurt me:D **

**Renee's pov**

Esme had warned me that sometimes the brattier of her kids liked to play shocking pranks on guests. She said Edward was sometimes the butt of their jokes because he was so easy to rile up. I suppose I thought we'd be immune, as people the kids would want to impress. I was wrong.

About 1 am, there was a big commotion out in the hall. I tiptoed to the door and peeked out. Nobody there. Must have been dreaming, I thought. I crossed the hall to make use of the facilities, and swung open the door.

Alice was standing over Jasper, one foot on the tub, wearing high heels, some spiky leather strips and a strap-on, and not much else. Jasper was sitting on the side of the tub, wearing his jeans and a dog collar and leash. She was whipping him with a crop. I stared at them, mouth open.

'Whoops! Sorry!" Alice didn't sound sorry. She was not in the least embarrassed. It must be a joke. Alice giggled like an insane fairy and ran off down the hall, dragging Jasper on all fours after her by the leash. I goggled after them, then walked back in Edward's room and locked the door. His room was white and gold and very restful. It was a sanctuary from the madness outside, obviously. I wondered how he put up with this stuff. He must have a better sense of humour than I thought.

I had just gotten back to sleep when more noise issued from the hallway. Two a.m.

"_U-ho-whoa Let me be, your teddy bear. Just put a chain around my neck, and lead me anywhere. Whoa-uh, let me be, your teddy bear." _

I flew to the door and threw it open. Emmett was standing at the far end of the hallway, wearing a white Elvis costume and gyrating his pelvis. Rosalie was sitting at his feet, wearing a poodle skirt and sweater, clapping. They looked at me, as I glared from the doorway in my nightgown, and ran off, laughing. How ever did Carlisle _deal_ with these brats? I shut the door firmly, locked it, and went back to bed.

At 3:00, there was a tentative knock at the door. Oh, bother. I got up and stomped over, ripping it open. Eleazar was leaning against the wall, wearing silk pajamas. "I was just wondering, beautiful lady, whether you and your husband were at all into swinging?" I gawped at him while he gave me the once-over. I shut the door, and locked it, and hid my head under the covers.

At 4:00, there was shouting in the hallway. All six of the young people were having a game of beachball outside the bedroom, wearing underwear and bras. The guys, too! I was almost in tears. No sleep, and a big day coming. Phil, naturally, was snoring like the dead. I was just starting to yell, when somebody yelled from the other end of the hallway.

Carlisle was standing there wearing a bathrobe, with daggers in his eyes. "Get back to bed, all of you!" he hissed. "It's a big day, and you are all behaving monstrously. Go to your lairs! I will deal with you all later." The young people slinked past him with their tails between their legs.

Carlisle came down the hall to speak with me. "Sorry, Renee. The chance to make a bad impression is too tempting for them. Some of them have had pretty tough lives. They can't resist testing limits. They need constant reassurance that they're wanted, so they act up even though they know they'll be punished. They work hard, but they play harder, and they're all good kids. Ninety-nine percent of the time, anyway. I'll make sure they leave you alone now."

"Thank you Carlisle." I said weakly. I went back inside, locked the door, and climbed into bed.

"What was all that?" Phil asked me groggily.

"Never mind. I'll tell you tomorrow." I fell into a heavy, dreamless sleep.

*****

BANG! BANG! BANG!!!

"Oh, _no more_! _Go away_!" I groaned.

"Renee? It's Rosalie. Esme says you'd better get down here and have breakfast before the teenagers devour it all. Bella and Edward are back."

I rolled over and opened one eye to look at the little antique brass clock on the bedside table. It said 9:00.

"That's the best sleep I've had in ages! I'll have to ask Edward what kind of bed it is. We need one of these. Come on, Mother of the Bride! It's time to get up and at 'em." Phil was already wearing a sweatsuit in preparation for his morning jog. He was much too energetic this morning. I pulled a pillow over my head and groaned.

"Come on, Snooky, Bella's _waiting_ for us."

"All right, all right. I'm up. Didn't you hear _any _of that last night?"

"Any of what?"

"Forget it. Maybe I hallucinated the whole thing." I stumbled to the bathroom and lifted the lid to the john. There was a used red condom in it. I wondered whether it would be safe to flush. To hell with it. Who cares? These people could afford a plumber, and it would serve those kids right to get into more trouble. I flushed it.

After my morning toilette, I returned to the room and dressed in my jeans and tie dye blouse, and collected Phil to go down to breakfast. There were 18 people running around the kitchen. Some of them trying to prevent Alice from getting a bra back that was being thrown from hand to hand, and the rest attempting to get breakfast. Esme was pouring scrambled eggs into a bowl, out of a fry-pan, and she was trying to get control of everyone.

Phil and I retrieved plates and filled them at the kitchen counter. Then he dragged me to one of two long, folding tables with chairs that had been set up at the far end of the room. We sat next to Jasper, who grinned mischievously and then apologized for pulling my leg.

Edward stepped between Emmett and some young Quileute kid and snatched the bra. He handed it to Alice, who disappeared at lightning speed. Edward snagged a plate for Bella and came to lean against the counter, grinning and looking around at the crowd. "Well, Renee, welcome to Wonderland. Aren't you glad you came?"

"I dunno. Last night was... interesting."

"Tell me the worst thing," he laughed.

"Well, uh, your cousin? The Spanish guy? Over there? He came to ask if Phil and I liked to swing." Edward's eyes flashed black fire and he bellowed for Carlisle. They had a quiet word, then Carlisle clenched his teeth and towed Eleazar out of the room.

Edward came back and leaned against the counter again, smiling that crooked smile that had captivated my baby girl. "Carlisle will take care of it. There won't be any more of that going on. Bet you'll be glad to get to your hotel."

"How was your night with Charlie?" I growled.

"It was pretty good, actually. Bella and I had a really nice visit with him, and we feel much more rested this morning."

"Lucky you." Emmett was now throwing a football up and down the other table.

There was a bit of commotion at the end of my table. The young girl whose hair I had praised yesterday took one bite of her breakfast and covered her mouth. She leapt to her feet and dashed from the room, retching. Her sister, Kate, took one look and followed her out of the room. There was a chorus of 'ew's from around the tables.

"What's the matter with your cousin? Is she pregnant?" I asked Edward in an undertone.

"Naw. Not possible. Most of us are sterile." He walked over to say something to Esme, taking a bite of a breadstick as he walked, and brandishing it like Groucho Marx with a cigar.

Had Edward just said he was sterile? Right before marrying my daughter? Without giving me a chance to mourn for no chance at grandchildren? He must be joking. "Bella, these people are insane," I whispered to her.

"Yes, they are. And they agree that I fit in perfectly with their family. Isn't it great?" Bella walked over , stuck her arm around Edward, and put her hand in his back pocket., squeezing. He put his arm around her, too, kissing her on the side of her head. I shook my head.

"Who wants coffee?" Esme yelled over the racket. There was a chorus of 'me's and she ran around pouring it out. Two new teenagers came and sat down across from me and Phil. Bella brought them plates. Esme poured coffee for me and Phil.

"Mom, I want you to meet one of my best friends, Angela Weber, and her boyfriend, Ben Cheney. Angela is my bridesmaid.

We reached over to shake hands. "Oh, how nice to meet you. Bella has mentioned you often."

The girl with the pretty hair walked back in the room and leaned against the wall. Edward went up to her face and bit off a bite of his breadstick, grinning at her and chewing openmouthed. She ran out with her hand over her mouth again. He had a fit of the giggles.

"Edward!" Bella chastised, "You really shouldn't do that. Poor Tanya."

"Aw, c'mon. I have to get her back somehow." Bella gave him The Look. He put down the breadstick and looked at her with puppy-dog eyes.

"Be a good boy."

"Yes, dear."

Carlisle walked over and snagged the football out of the air, " No playing ball in the house. Finish up eating and take it outside." He handed the ball back to Emmett, who tucked it under his arm and led a noisy stampede out the door.

Rosalie ran up to Carlisle. "Dad? The toilet outside Edward's room is overflowing. I shut the water off."

"Oh, joy. I'll look at it in a minute."

"Don't disappear people!" yelled Alice. "Girls and mothers have their final fittings this afternoon."

"Kay!" bellowed Rosalie, running outside.

"How the heck are we going to get them in line for tomorrow?" Edward asked his parents.

"Oh, they'll probably wear themselves out today," Carlisle stated.

"Let's hope so," said Esme.

"Are they always like this?" I had to ask.

"No, this is _way _better than usual," Edward deadpanned. Then he grinned, "They're just excited. Last bird out of the nest, and all that. They can't wait to set up pranks in my room while we're away. But I'm way ahead of them. Got my eyes and ears in this place. Hey! Seth, come here and meet Renee and Phil."

The young Quileute and an attractive but stern-looking older girl came over. "These are friends of mine, Seth and his sister, Leah Clearwater." Seth grinned and ducked his head. Leah acknowledged us coolly.

"Your siblings and cousins are crazy this morning, Edward," she said.

"Yes, I've noticed. Hopefully, everything will calm down in Forks by the day after tomorrow. Regardless, you'll be back at the Rez and Bella and I will be long gone." Edward retrieved his breadstick and bit it.

"Are you enjoying that?" Leah asked with her lip curled.

"It's tolerable," he shrugged. "Renee, as soon as you're ready, we should take you to the hotel. I expect you need a nap before the chaos begins."

"You mean _this isn't chaos now_?" I goggled. Edward rolled his eyes and laughed, walking off to speak to Alice.

Ten minutes later, the four of us converged in the driveway. Edward handed Phil a set of keys to his Volvo, and said we could use it for the duration of our stay. Thank goodness, because the taxis last night had really bitten a chunk out of our budget. After some debate, Edward and Bella got in her Guardian. She drove. He pretended to pout.

Edward led the way to our hotel, then he and Bella took their leave.

"Don't forget you must be back at the house at 3 pm" he reminded us.

"We'll be there with bells on," I promised.

Now, time for that nap.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Rehearsing**

**Caution: Lemons  
**

**Music belongs to its respective owners. All else belongs to Stephenie and Summit.  
**

**Edward's pov**

After dropping Renee and Phil, Bella and I went back to the house. The women were congregated in the living room, watching Esme get her dress fitted. Alice shooed us away. Apparently, Bella was not meant to see the bridesmaid's dresses. I gave my condolences to Angela, for being trapped with my nut-head sisters and cousins, with no Bella to relieve the craziness.

Bella and I went upstairs and stripped the bed, and put fresh linens on it. Then, we did our best to ruin said linens. People were running up and down the stairs the entire time, chattering. It was very distracting. Fortunately, Bella could make me focus on her under nearly any circumstance. We had each released tension approximately three times before anything really annoying happened. It had to be some sort of best record for us.

I was standing next to the bed with my schlong in Bella's mouth, and my fingers twisted in her hair, when there was a tentative knock on the door. I froze. Renee was back. Bella released me, her head jerking nervously toward the door.

"Just a sec', Renee," I called just as the door was suddenly ripped from its hinges. I gaped at its remains, splintered on the floor, and at the gaggle of females crowding behind it. Renee had caught herself on the door frame, and was enjoying the view. Someone small was backing up to hide. Bella and I were caught like naked deer in headlights. I put my hands on my hips. Bella slithered backward with an exclamation, and hid on the floor behind the bed. I just stood there. If they wanted a show, they'd bought one. I was furious. Way _beyond_ furious. Incandescent.

"Who busted my door?" I demanded. A little white hand came up tentatively from somewhere in the middle of the crowd.

"Alice," I snarled, "Are you _out_ of your _freakin' mind?!_"

"Sorry, Edward. We got bunched up in the hallway, and I was trying to hold back the stampede, and they knocked me over and I fell on the door. I didn't mean to burst in, honest."

"Well, it's not like I've got anything that any of _you_ haven't seen before," I said with an eye roll, picking up my pants and putting them on. "Oh, except you. Sorry, Angela," I said. She was now huddled against the far wall of the hallway, gaping and boiling with embarrassment. She nodded at me, mortified, trying to keep her eyes up.

I retrieved Bella's clothes from around the room, and tossed them to her so she could put them on as she continued to hide, red as a stoplight. I turned away from her, back to the group. I folded my hands behind my back, the better to avoid killing women. This displayed the bulge in my pants to advantage.

"_So_, where_ I _come from, _when_ you want to speak to somebody who has _locked _himself in a room, it is customary to _knock,_ and _wait patiently_ for an answer," I said sardonically, cocking my head to one side and glaring. It was so quiet I could hear the grass growing.

"Sorry, Edward. Sorry, Bella. The kids got kind of carried away," Esme said, cringing.

"Well, perhaps now, you could all gear down a bit. To make sure we survive until tomorrow." Bella got up off the floor and sat at the end of the bed, smoothed her hair and attempted to look nonchalant.

Emmett shoved his way past the amassed females, "Whoa, Bimbo, did you guys get interrupted _again_? I swear, you have the worst luck on the planet. Doesn't seem to matter where you are. Here, Charlie's house or a hotel two thousand miles away. You guys are _jinxed_."

I flipped Emmett the bird. Esme gave me the evil eye.

"Will someone please explain what was so urgent, that you had to bust my door down to see us?" I asked. "Is the kitchen on fire again?"

"Sorry, Edward. Nothing's wrong. It's just that it's nearly 3 o'clock, and we wanted to gussy Bella up for the rehearsal," Alice admitted reluctantly.

"_Oh,_ no! You get to turn me into Guinea Pig Barbie tomorrow. I am _not _dressing up today." Bella flung out her arms and then crossed them and stamped her foot. She glared at Alice. How I loved this girl! I turned my steely gaze on the assembled throng, prepared to Defend by any means necessary.

"Well, _that_ kind of dress-up was _not exactly_ what we had in mind," Esme said.

"Please, Bella, for me?" wheedled Renee.

I sighed. I went to my closet and retrieved our baseball caps. The ones that said 'Bridezilla' and 'Groomzilla'. I popped Bella's on her head, stroked her hair and kissed her gently. Then, I abandoned her to the crowd of vixens.

I stalked downstairs, pouting. Twenty-four hours, and counting. If I got away with it, I could probably spend 10 of those hours with Bella. If I shared her, most of the time. Sigh.

When I got downstairs, all the furniture was gone and my male relatives were putting up a few folding chairs in front of a makeshift altar. Then, they put more chairs down the centre to mark out an aisle. Rosalie was warming up on the piano, which she had dragged to the opposite end of the room from where it usually lived.

I took up my required position at stage right. Carlisle and my brothers came and stood with me. I could hear odd noises upstairs. Noises like somebody struggling. I listened more closely.

"Bella, just wear it!" _ Alice. _ Oh, _that _could not be good.

"It'll be funny,"_ Rosalie_.

"There's _no way_ I'm going down wearing this!" _Bella_, under her breath.

"Oh, come _on _Bella. If you can't go down like this in front of family, how do you expect to make it downstairs all dressed up in front of all the guests? Get rid of your nerves, _now_!" _Alice._

"I'm not going down there like this in front of Angela's father! What would he think?"

"Actually, Bella, people do silly things all the time at their rehearsals." _Angela._

"Thanks for the support, Ang. Esme, you don't _seriously _expect me to do this?!"

"Please, Bella? Just for fun?" _Esme._

"We've got the whole thing planned out, Bella. Be a sport!" _Rosalie._

"He'll love it, dear one." _Tanya._

"They all do." _ Kate._

"Bella, you're only eighteen. Don't be such a stick in the mud." _Renee._

Seven women ganging up on Bella, to do something she thought would be embarrassing. She was doomed. And none of my family were letting me eavesdrop. Tanya and Kate were thinking about old flames. Yuck. Alice, Esme and Rosalie were all singing _America the Beautiful _in their headsin different keys. Painful. And Ang was thinking about seeing Ben naked. Swell. Best to take it like a Bimbo and tune them all out.

Bella sighed, then barked, "FINE! If he gets mad I'm going to find a chipper-shredder tonight and commit mass murder. Help me into this." More rustling. What were they doing?

The Reverent Mister Weber had arrived and was now shaking hands with us men folk. He and Carlisle shared a conspiratorial look. Mr. Weber was in on it, too! Rotten scoundrels!

Charlie came to the door. Jasper whispered, "It's a Roast. Don't spoil the surprise." Charlie nodded and went upstairs to line up and bring Bella down. I was getting really anxious. And they'd never let me upstairs to peek.

"Oh, shit!" _Charlie_. Muffled laughter.

"Ssssh!" _Every woman in the house_. More giggles.

Seth suddenly appeared. He took up a position in the middle of the room, video camera at the ready on a tripod. Oh, boy!

Outside, thunder began to rumble. Rain started falling.

"If you're about ready, we could start," called Mr. Weber.

"Edward? Please forgive me for the travesty I am about to commit. They made me do it." _Bella_.

I tensed. Rosalie came barrelling down the stairs and did a round-off and a cartwheel and sat herself at the piano. Tanya, Kate, Esme and Renee hurried down behind her and seated themselves. Rose played a few bars of _The_ _Pachelbel_. Perfect. The piano trilled, then the music stopped.

Angela came down. The men started to sing, "Daa-dum-da-dum-_Ungh_! When they said 'Ungh', they thrust their hips forward. Oh, crap! Daa-dum-da-dum-_Ungh_! This continued as Ang sashayed her hips down the aisle. Rosalie got up from the piano and went to stand beside Angela.

The men and women sang together Daa-daa-da-daa-da-da-daa-dum-da-dum-_Ungh!_ Down came Alice.

Everyone did a fake drum roll. When Alice got to the bottom, she smiled, revealing fake vampire teeth. Oh, no. All the wedding party members were now sporting fake vampire teeth, and they were doing a rock dance, clapping a rhythm together.

The Denalis and Esme and Renee and Phil and Ben and the minister were all killing themselves. Seth, too. Good thing they'd set up the camera on a tripod, or the footage would be useless. Wait, _why_ would I _want_ it useful?

Jasper hit the remote on the stereo, which blared Billy Idol's _White Wedding_. Bella and Charlie were now rounding the corner onto the stairs. First, Converse sneakers. Normal. Next, black fishnet stockings. Not normal. I may have gawped a little. Next, _no_. It_ couldn't_ be. _No way_! I did a double take. I did a triple take. I rubbed my eyes and looked again.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to put myself. I covered my mouth. It was mortifying. And it was ... I pinched my eyes shut. A bubble of laughter started somewhere deep within me, and then, I was bent over double, dying of it. Every time I looked, I laughed harder. Those present who were not singing along with Billy Idol were whooping and whistling and slapping me on the back and clapping.

Charlie, incidentally, had on a black Dracula cape and pointed teeth. He was pretending to defend Bella, and he was saying "Grrrrr!"

Bella was the picture of the Bride of Dracula, but with a kinky twist. She was wearing a strap-on harness with an enormous dong, which led the way before her. No white dress. She had on a black t-shirt with a v-neck that said, 'When I grow up, I want to be a vampire' in white letters. She had on short white knickers with frills around the bottom that went out of fashion before I was born. They made her legs look like they went on forever.

Her costume jewellery had dangling bats, and her skin was whited out, and she had black circles under her eyes and silver eyeshadow on her lids and a great deal of red lipstick. A short red satin cape with a huge pointy collar flared out behind. And she was wearing a new hat with a short black veil sticking out of the top. It said, 'Edward's Domme.' In one hand was a pointed wooden stake, and attached to the opposite wrist was a set of handcuffs with one end dangling.

Had I been capable, tears of mirth would have been cascading down my face. Charlie left Bella at the foot of the stairs and went to sit down near Seth. Bella stopped where she was and struck a pose. Holding onto the dong. It was hilarious. Esme took pictures. I was so focused on this outrageous Bella, that at first I didn't notice I was being dressed up. My father tied some apron-like plastic thing around my neck, and somebody stole my hat and replaced it. Alice popped up in front of me and smeared something creamy on my eyelids. Oh. Silver eyeshadow.

I looked down. I now had fake boobs and a huge pregnant belly. I pulled off the hat and read it. It said, 'Bella's Bitch'. I put the hat back on and danced down the aisle to meet Bella the Vamp. I copied Idol's moves and sang along with the chorus. I pulled Bella into my arms and kissed her on her fake teeth. Since her lipstick was smeared, I was probably wearing that now, too. Bella held up a pair of fangs and pushed them into my mouth. We did a little rude dance, there, right in front of everyone.

"It's always the quiet ones," Carlisle yelled. Everyone clapped again.

Thunder and lightening were now interrupting the festivities. They'd be great for the video. I now wanted a _lot _of copies of that video. They had to last forever.

I threw Bella over my shoulder and carried her, kicking and squealing, to the front. I set her down and looked at Mr. Weber expectantly. He was too busy crying with glee to 'marry' us. Drat. No matter. I could do my vows. Why not?

I slipped the fangs out to talk, chortling the whole time. "I, Bilbo the Vampire Sub, take this member of the undead to be my unlawfully wedded Dominatrix." When I said 'member', I grabbed the dong. There was a great deal of clapping and cheering. I replaced the fangs in my mouth and bowed low.

Bella removed her fangs, "I, Bella the Vampire Domme, take this undead Emo to be my unlawfully wedded Bitch." In went the fangs again. We grinned at each other. Good enough for me. I held out my wrist for the cuff. Angela's conservative father snapped it shut.

"I now pronounce you Undead and Unwed," said the preacher.

I took out my fangs, and I took out Bella's fangs, and I kissed her. I French kissed her. We were both still giggling. And then, it turned into a serious kiss. I barely heard the gasps from some of my relatives. I was so immersed in the moment that no venom was flowing. It was such a human moment. Such fun. But Bella started to get faint, so I had to cut it short.

Suddenly, everyone was around us, hugging and patting and laughing. We shook hands, and kissed people, and thanked everybody.

Eleazar put his hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eye, "How is it, that it is so difficult for the rest of us to do this posturing, and you do it so easily?"

I knew the humans would misunderstand my answer and apply it to the embarrassing facets of this pantomime wedding. But my answer to him would be taken seriously by the real vampires.

I sat down in one of the chairs, pushed the costume aside, and sat Bella on my knee. I looked tenderly into her eyes as I answered him. "Cousin? I gave up my pride a long time ago, and let Bella's needs and wishes direct me. I _always_ knew what was paramount. There have _never_ been any other considerations. There are a lot of things I never dreamed of doing, that I've done. Everything's changed." Eleazar backed away, amazed. What irony: posing as 'humans posing as vampires' might just teach _real_ vampires better human posture.

The family wanted pictures then. We posed in groups, with everyone wearing the fangs. Bella and I posed handcuffed together, with my hand on the dong and her one hand pinching my fake nipple and her other hand on my big belly.

"Woo, hoo!" yelled Emmett. "Time to go feed everyone!"

"Not dressed like _this_, Emmett!" I contradicted.

Alice whined, "Come _on_, Bimbo. Leave your worries at home for once. Everybody in town is going to have one of these photos by sundown anyway. Seth's already e-mailed some to Billy. He'll show them to Leah, and she'll spread them around. No use fussing about it. Have some fun."

That's how we ended up wearing costumes to the Lodge.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Bella Bimbo**

**_Ma Come Beli _by Dean Martin belongs to its respective owners. Lyrics from wwwdotlyricsdotcom. Watch it on You Tube: _Bella Bimba_ (Sternschuppe's channel). A great choral arrangement for the Cullens can also be found there: _Ma Bella Bimba (_LHS Performing Arts' channel)_._**

**_Cat People_ belongs to David Bowie and its respective owners. Lyrics from wwwdotazlyricsdotcom.**

**_Can't Help Falling in Love_ belongs to its respective owners. Lyrics from wwwdotlyricsfreakdotcom.**

**All other music mentioned belongs to its respective owners. **

**_Twilight_ does not belong to me. If it were mine, I would not be writing no-dough fanfics on this site. But it _doesn't_ belong to me, and I am poor, but I love writing ff, so here's a story for you.**

**To understand Em's slang, go to wwwdotalphadictionarydotcom/1930's**

**Emmett's pov**

**A/N: I love Emmett. It drives me nuts when people write him as a moron. He's not. He's funny, earthy and direct, but he has a perfect GPA along with the rest of his siblings. Please R & R:D**

Unbelievable: we finally loosened up Bimbo. Of course, it wasn't really us, it was sweet little Bella. I guess she was forced to grow up fast, but she was savvy and brave. She knew her own mind and she trusted herself. She'd endured a lot more hardship than most humans. Some of which, was caused by her being such a motherly and loving little thing. A lot of which, was caused by hanging around people not of her species.

When we'd met her, she'd been nothing but a kid. She did the things she was expected to do. Conventional. She was _trying_ to be a 17 year old high school kid, after being Renee's mama. She mothered Charlie, too. Then, she met our brother the Bimbo. So much for the quiet, bookish little lamb. All _that _had gone out the bedroom window when Edward had crawled through it. She set her cap for him, and he didn't have a hope in Hell of flying the coop. Thank goodness. We needed her to entertain us.

Bella was a birthday box full of surprises. She was _always_ doing unexpected things. Like tonight. She started out all prissy and ended up camping it up like some porn star from Amsterdam. The Bimbo was in pleats. He never used to gas. None of us ever suspected he could laugh like that. Good thing vampires couldn't pee their pants, 'cause he'd have been publicly humiliated. Ribbing him was fun, but we'd never hurt him. What a _laugh_ he had. It was a riot. You couldn't help but join in, once you heard him.

I couldn't believe it when they caved and agreed to wear the vampire duds to the rehearsal dinner. Mr. Victorian's inhibitions were getting cut down to size. Of course, the morning humiliation had done its part, too. Who'd have ever thought that the blue-nosed Bimbo would have the guts to stand there naked in front of all those females, and chew them out? Nope, the blue nose was history. My kid brother had developed some style.

We left home just after 4 pm in an eight vehicle convoy for the Lodge. The happy couple led the way, and the Dwyers brought up the rear. We had covered the shorts in those stick-on plastic flowers, which _really _irritated the Bimbo.

"Do you guys _realize_ these things take the paint right off your car? Rose, you may have a _lot_ of refinishing to do. Heaven help you all if the Vanquish is ruined. I promised to lend it to Charlie." Okay, so he still was a _little _uptight. Hopefully, when Bella was durable and required no sleep, he'd mellow out.

We honked our horns all the way to the restaurant. By the time we got there, we were a _short_ short. The Volvo was missing.

"Hey, what happened to Renee and Phil?" the Bimbo asked as we stood next to the shorts, "Did they get lost?"

"Maybe they stopped off somewhere for a... um, _ahem_... few minutes?" Bella suggested. I laughed my dirty laugh. I couldn't help myself.

"Huh. Well, maybe. I didn't hear anything like that, but people do tend to act on a whim. Try the cell phone, love."

I realized they were still handcuffed together. Bella by the left hand, Bimbo by the right. Bella dialled and listened. Then, she hung up without saying a word. "It's turned off." Bella pursed her lips.

"We'll give them half an hour, then try again." Edward promised. Bella nodded and stuck the phone in her purse.

Bella looked into the parked crate next to us and jumped a mile. She put a shaky hand to her throat, breathing deeply. "Who drives the hearse?" she asked.

"Eric Yorkie. Who else?" Alice shrugged.

"Since when does he drive around with a blowup doll in the passenger seat?" Bella demanded. I ducked down and looked at the doll.

"Why is it dressed like Lara Croft?" I asked. It even had the big, white sunhat. Yorkie was such an odd-ball.

"He loves Tomb Raider. He got tired of not having a companion. Bought it with his graduation money. He talks to it, actually. He has a mattress in the back, and when he wants-"

"Okay. TMI. Let's go in before I vomit." Bella looked with revulsion at the doll. I laughed.

The Vampire Domme and the Emo Sub turned to walk into the restaurant. Our group lined up in front of the door and created an archway of hands for them to walk under. Everyone was hooting and hollering and whooping it up, singing an old Dean Martin song, "Bella Bimba". Only we changed the words to Bella Bimbo:

_Don't ever cry, I'll tell you why  
You can't see the sky with a tear in your eye  
Be like the sun, smile just for fun  
And sing this happy song._

_Ma come beli **B**ella **B**imb**o**, **B**ella **B**imb**o**, **B**ella **B**imb**o**  
Ma come beli **B**ella **B**imb**o**, **B**ella **B**imb**o**, **B**ella **B**imb**o**  
(2 x)_

_Look at everywhere love's in the air  
Dance through your life with a devil-may-care  
Look in your heart then you will start  
To sing this happy song._

_(chorus)_

The giggling Domme and Bitch made it to the top of the stairs and then somebody opened the door in front of them. There stood Mr and Mrs Stanley, with Jessica and Mike. The Forks' ivy league blabbermouths gawped at the Camp Vamp Duo.

"Hi Mike, hi Jess," grinned Edward. "We've been Roasted." Mike was too blown away to answer. He was fixated on Bella's strap-on dildo. Bella and Bitch sauntered into the restaurant.

The Stanleys' eyes followed every step. When the bride and groom had passed through, the Stanleys turned to exchange a look before moving on. However, our party was now heading up the steps and they were forced to wait at the side of the landing at the top.

The next couple in line to enter was Jasper and Alice. Alice was wearing her red leather hot pants and a spiky collar, with her vampire fangs and bright red sparkly lipstick. Jasper was back on his leash, also wearing fake teeth. He had black lipstick on. The humans didn't know the leash was partly for their protection. If he thought about biting anyone, Alice would refocus him with the training collar. Getting his attention was rarely necessary, but Jasper was a tad hungry tonight. The humans were stunned. The rest of us filed in behind Alice and Jasper.

Charlie and Seth were the last to go in, with Charlie wearing his cape. As he passed Mrs Stanley, he leaned toward her and said, "grrrr". The scag backed up into her husband with a squeak. I snickered. Didn't that beat all? The Stanleys gawped through the door after us. I gave them a little wave. They turned and hurried down the stairs. Mike lagged behind.

"Wow," Mike said. Then, the tomato came back and pulled him away to her parents' car. I chuckled and bounced in after my family. I pinched Rose's minxy keister as I caught up to her. She bopped me one. Oh, _yeah_. Grrr.

The far side of the restaurant had been reserved for us. There was a little, square, dance floor in the middle. The half of the room that was closest to the door contained some regular customers. They all stared as we paraded through. Eric Yorkie was sitting at a DJ table set up at the back of the dance floor. Jasper went over to him, leaned over, and silently gave him a CD. Eric winced. What a jitterbug!

Everyone picked a spot, and the wait staff came over and started taking orders. Bottles of fine wine were opened and poured for the guests. Bedward walked around, still linked at the wrist, and mingled. Some of the locals came over and offered their congratulations. The older ones looked like they didn't know what to make of Bedward. Poor rigid dips. Charlie, Carlisle and Esme shook hands with them and chatted.

At least with no set menu, it was easier to pass for human. All we had to do was order a tray of appetizers and put it on the table near humans and it would go poof. We just had to hover and pretend to take some. The humans had proper meals, of course, but the vampires didn't bother. Before long, Bella told Edward she needed a human moment, and they asked Charlie to unlock the cuffs.

As soon as the humans were served, we got Eric to put on Jasper's music. Dancing was a valid excuse not to eat or drink. Edward immediately dragged Bella up to dance. They decided that the costumes were a pain in the butt and removed everything plastic so they could get close.

Bedward danced to _Cat People_. The great thing about Edward being able to dazzle Bella was that they became flawless dancers together. Her clumsiness just melted away. They had danced a lot in preparation for the wedding. The current dance had very isolated movements and a sense of repressed violence. It was ginchy. Seth caught every minute on video. I wondered if Bella would still blush when she saw it, or if those days were history.

I thought the song was an odd choice on Jasper's part, since neither the bride nor the groom was a Bowie fan, but then, I really listened to the words, and realized it was all part of the Roast:

_See these eyes so green  
I can stare for a thousand years  
Colder than the moon_

_Ya wouldn't believe what I've been through  
It's been so long  
_

_And I've been putting out fire  
With gasoline_

_Feel my blood enraged  
It's just the fear of losing you  
Don't you know my name_

_Ya wouldn't believe what I've been thru  
Well, you been so long_

_See these eyes so red  
Red like jungle burning bright  
Those who feel me near  
Pull the blinds and change their minds  
It's been so long_

_Still this pulsing light_  
_A plague I call a heartbeat  
Just be still with me  
Ya wouldn't believe what I've been thru  
_

_You've been so long  
Well it's been so long  
_

_And I've been putting out fire  
with gasoline  
putting out the fire  
with gasoline_

The Sub turned the Domme upside down. Everybody clapped. Then, the real music started. Jasper had picked out some of Edward's favourite 50's music. Bedward and the rest of us snuggled up to Nat King Cole's _Unforgettable,_ and Pat Boone's _Love Letters in the Sand_. Then, we all stepped up the tempo with _Rock Around the Clock _by Bill Haley and His Comets.

About a half hour into the dancing, Bella's cell phone rang. She had to shout over the music. "Oh, Mother! Thank goodness. We were going to send out a search party. Oh, crap! Are you okay? Oh, no... Oh, no. But _you're_ both alright. No, don't worry about it. Let me tell him. It'll be _fine,_ mother. Stop fussing. _No fussing_ Renee! He won't be upset. He _won't._ He'll be glad you're both okay. _Stop._ Now. I'll ask Emmett to come and get you. No, it'll be fine. Stay where you are. Don't _move_. The GPS will get them to you. Make sure it's on. _ Stay_ with the _Volvo_."

Elvis' _Don't be Cruel _was playing when the Bimbo got the bad news. "Edward, Renee finally called. There's been an accident. They hit a deer."

I gave kudos to the Bimbo for not getting bent out of shape. "Are they okay? Phil only just got out of the cast. He didn't break his thigh again, did he?" I gave kudos to the Bimbo for not mentioning the damage to his precious car. Thank goodness it wasn't the Vanquish because he loved_ that _short _way_ more than the Volvo.

"They seem okay. A little disoriented. They've been struggling to get out of the car. That's why it took so long for them to call us. They're really lucky. The deer broke the windshield." Bella was trembling a little.

"We'll go get them right now." Edward reached for his keys and turned, taking Bella's hand, to leave.

"No, they said we should stay here with our guests." Bella turned to speak to me, "Em, would you mind going to pick them up?"

"I think Carlisle should go to check them out, make sure they're okay," Edward argued.

"Look, Carlisle and Jasper and Eleazar and I will go. Carlisle can check them out, and bring them here if they're fine, and then the men and I will tow the car home."

"Don't waste the deer," warned Edward.

"I guess not," I grimaced. Herbivore was not my favourite food. _I'm Walkin'_ by Fats Domino started to play as I collected Carlisle and Eleazar, and explained everything to Rose, Carmen and Esme.

We followed the GPS tracking chip and rendezvoused with the Dwyers in less than 15 minutes. The front of the Volvo was all bent to Hell and the fairly small deer had bled out all over the crumpled hood and its plastic carnations and the airbags. The carcass was sitting halfway through the windshield. Bella's mom and stepdad really had been lucky. Carlisle checked Renee and Phil for injuries and concussions, and pronounced them fit to go to the party. He said food and sugary soda would be the best thing for them and to call him if they got any symptoms. He gave them Tylenol out of the medical stash we routinely stocked in the trunk for Bella.

Carlisle helped Renee and Phil into the Merc and they drove off. Then, Jasper slung the deer over his shoulder and took off toward home. Eleazar and I scooped up all the Volvo bits off the road, and then I picked up the front and looked at the undercarriage.

"Axles are bent, hood is crushed, engine block has moved, windshield is broken...It's a write-off." I said, dropping it with a crash and scratching my head.

"Does Edward insure it?" Eleazar asked fretfully.

"No. Fake licenses, so there's no need. We don't like paying premiums that help humans track us. The car is 3 years old so it isn't worth enough to make fixing it worthwhile."

"Oh, my. What will Edward say?"

"Well, it's gonna be a pill because that short's got sentimental value, but he'll probably suck it up. We should dispose of it somewhere where he won't see it before the wedding. We don't need him being all Emo over a car tomorrow. And when they get back, we should have a snazzy new one waiting for him."

"That sounds wise. We can't have Edward moping about a car when he should be thinking about his wedding night."

'You've got that right," I chuckled. We picked up the flivver between us and lobbed it out into the rainforest. The deer's blood would ensure we could find it without difficulty in a couple of days. After camouflaging it, we hopped back in the jeep and gunned it back to the party.

Bella's mother and stepdad no longer reeked of blood, so Carlisle must have made a pit stop at their hotel so they could change. Renee and Phil talked, and Bedward listened to the story of the accident. I went over to hear it. Scatterbrained Renee was almost as entertaining as her kid.

"-happened so fast. It was pitch black, then the damn thing came out of nowhere. Deer in headlights, for real! It flew up and we heard it bleat and the windshield broke and then we had stinky dead Bambi all over us. The eyes are really creepy when they're bulging in your face."

Bedward clucked and patted the parents. Then, Edward looked at me, "So, Em, how bad is my ride?"

"Sorry, Bimbo. Word is, the Volvo has passed away, tragically scragged by an insane suicidal herbivore." Edward looked a little pained, but hid it quickly for Renee and Phil's sake. "Jasper took said herbivore and dangled it in a tree out in the woods to drain so we can carve it up into steaks and eat it later. That shall be our revenge for its murder of your beloved pet. Happy wedding. I'm buying you a new Volvo." He smiled wanly.

"Gee, thanks Em. You don't have to do that, though. I can afford another one." Renee and Phil's eyes widened.

"Let me get you one, bro. I owe you for the kitchen fire and the Seth intrusion this week." The Dwyers' gaped at me.

"Okay. When you put it that way," he smiled crookedly.

Jasper and Alice were dancing in a most _familiar _manner. Their hands were not exactly in the most polite of places. Jasper looked rather more amber-eyed than he had earlier in the evening. The deer did not go to waste, then.

Maybe tonight was a good night for love. Hell, _any _night was a good night for love. But this party was _romantic_ despite the venue. Who could resist _Earth Angel_ by The Penguins? Or _Chances Are_ by Johnny Mathis? Not me. I carried Rose out on the floor and we billed and cooed. Something came up. She snickered in my ear and contrived to maintain bodily contact with that piece of equipment.

The vampires in the crowd were in their groove. We_ Be-Bop-a-Lula'd _and we shouted _Tequila! _Music in the 50's was so much better than most of this modern crap. I noticed Bella singing along with Edward during most of the songs. He must have played them on car trips a lot.

Phil Phillips sang _Sea of Love_, and I recognized my cue. It was nearly 9 pm, time to wind things down so we would all be ready for the morrow. I bounded up and paused the music, and stole the mic from Eric.

"Well, everyone, we hope you have enjoyed this good, old time music. Now that Bella and the Bimbo have been properly roasted, it's time to get you all tucked into bed so you won't be tired tomorrow. Time for Bedward to come say 'goodnight'. Then they can dance the last dance with us all, and get out."

Bella came over and pulled my arm down so she could speak into the mic, "In case you're all wondering, 'Bimbo' was Carlisle's grandfather's expression. It meant 'Tough Guy' back in the day. Somehow, it stuck and now everybody thinks the boys call Edward a loose woman."

"He is!" I yelled. There were plenty of chuckles at this, while Edward ducked his head shyly.

"Thank you all for standing by Bridezilla and Groomzilla through all the challenging times. And thanks for putting up with _Alice _while she put this wedding together." _Ho, ho, ho_. "We love you, please drive safely, and we'll see you tomorrow." Bella passed the microphone to Edward.

"Thanks for supporting Bella and me. See you tomorrow. Don't stay out too late. Love you, goodnight!" Then, the Bimbo led Bella gently by the hand, back out to the dance floor.

"How much longer, Edward?" she whispered as they posed.

"Eighteen hours, my love."

Elvis Time again. "Woo, _yeah!_" I clapped, then stood behind Rose with my arms around her. She leaned against me, cuddling in.

Edward danced a proper ballroom dance with Bella. Even with her in her silly duds, and him in his grey t-shirt and jeans, it was elegant. Nobody joined them. We all just enjoyed watching them shine together. Especially since he was singing along:

_Wise men say only fools rush in  
But I can't help falling in love with you  
Shall I stay  
Would it be a sin  
If I can't help falling in love with you_

_Like a river flows surely to the sea  
Darling so it goes  
Some things are meant to be_

_  
Take my hand, take my whole life too  
For I can't help falling in love with you_

_Like a river flows surely to the sea  
Darling so it goes  
Some things are meant to be  
_

_Take my hand, take my whole life too  
For I can't help falling in love with you  
For I can't help falling in love with you_

As the song ended, Edward twirled Bella off the dance floor and right out of the building. The audience just looked after them, unmoving. They were like a walking fairy tale. How could anybody beat _that_? They were steaming ginchy, too. I bet they wouldn't be in the car for five minutes before Edward pulled over to park.

Some other people were ready to waltz right out of the building, right behind Bedward. The four Denalis were disappearing through the cracks with a handful of dazzled wait staff and Eric Yorkie. I nudged Carlisle, who sighed.

"Ah, there's no controlling them. At least they're not in our house. We might as well let them enjoy themselves. After all, they're leaving tomorrow night. I don't think any of them has ever gone this long without a conquest."

"Man, it's gonna be _so dull_ after tomorrow. No Bedward, no Alice and Jazz, no Denalis, no werewolves, and no humans. What are we gonna do for fun?" I thought about taking Rose away for a few days, like Jasper was doing for Alice.

"Esme and I are looking forward to some peace and quiet. Don't jinx it," Carlisle frowned.

"Well, _I'm_ looking forward to making some noise," I grinned, waggling my eyebrows. I called Rose over, and whispered something dirty in her ear.

Esme stopped us as we were flying the coop. She made an announcement. "My kids, please remember, the boys need to retrieve Edward by midnight, and the girls need to come home to decorate and help out in the kitchen."

"Yes, Mom," I said, rolling my eyes. Shoot! That only gave me and Rose two hours!

Everyone left the restaurant. The humans stopped to chat on the steps. The Cullens all had Plans that necessitated swift departures. As we passed the hearse, we realized Eric Yorkie was having sex with Tanya in the back. It was jiggling up and down, and the windows were all fogged over. All of us looked at each other, shook our heads and left. That cheesecake had no taste.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: Testing the Vanquish**

**Caution: lemons**

**Edward speaks 1910's slang. To understand it, go to wwwdotalphadictionarydotcom/1910's.**

**I'm only borrowing Bedward. It all belongs to Stephenie. For love, not profit.**

**Bella's pov**

Edward and I skipped down the steps from the Lodge. I was giggling, and he was smirking. Something told me that I wouldn't get away with saying I didn't like dancing for much longer. I wasn't going to broach the subject. He was smug enough now, without any more compliments to swell his head.

As usual, he held the passenger side door open for me and tucked me into the car. Then, he got in, producing a CD and holding it up for me. Apparently, Jazz had been busy at his pit stop back home. The CD was the Family's rendition of _Bella Bimbo_, in 4 part harmony.

"We really should rent them out as the next Von Trappe Family Singers. Keep them out of trouble," Edward laughed and I grinned, listening to the Cullens, Hales, Denalis, a Swan and a Clearwater sing. I wondered when they had practised it. Imagine, Charlie singing. And _wouldn't you know_ the Cullens would find a song to put our nicknames in! The song ended and Edward flipped a new CD into the player. It was the one Jazz made for this evening's entertainment.

"So where are we going, Minxy?" Edward asked quietly, stretching his arm across the seats to brush back my hair, and rest his hand on my shoulder.

"I dunno. Where's a good place to make out, where we are not likely to be interrupted?"

"Neither your place nor mine. Guess we could go out and climb a tree or something."

We were on the road back to the rainforest by this time, after all of 5 minutes, when I acted on a whim. I put a hand on Edward's crotch and I squeezed it. "I bet I know what you have in mind," I crooned.

I guess he wasn't expecting it, because the Vanquish did a 540° spin on the asphalt and came to a screeching stop, facing back the way we'd come from. I realized that I'd braced myself for impact by holding onto the car door handle with one hand, and Edward's privates with the other. He loosened my left hand, carefully, and removed it to my knee. I coloured a little.

"You are the most dangerous creature ever to walk the Earth, Isabella Marie. I'm already one vehicle down this weekend. We need the Vanquish tomorrow. Do you think you could at least wait to distract me until we are safely parked?"

"I'm not sure. It depends how long it takes you to park."

"Well, we're not messing around in the middle of the highway. Constable Mark will catch us and report to Charlie."

Edward spun us about neatly and sped down the road. Before long, he found a spot where he could pull off the pavement without destroying the car's undercarriage. It was so convenient, loving someone who always knew which trails were disused. Someone with super-strength vision. Edward knew all kinds of hide-y-holes that the local teenagers hadn't sussed out.

My silky-voiced immortal put one hand on the dashboard, and leaned over me, staring with his amber orbs into my dazzled eyes. "Now, are you going to tell me what _I _had in mind?" he said dryly.

"Why bother talking? We're sympatico. Just kiss me, beautiful." Edward obliged with enthusiasm, and I forgot to breathe, as usual. He backed off, looking troubled.

"Come back here!" I demanded.

"Just be careful, love. The venom is pooling again. I guess I have to get into a certain state of mind to kiss you safely. Boy! I can't lose control, but I can't over-think it. There has to be a happy medium somewhere..." he mused.

"Edward."

"Yes, love?"

"You're over-thinking it _now_."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." Edward went back to kissing me in the way to which we had been formerly accustomed. His hands crept up inside my t-shirt and found the soft lace of my bra. He played with the lace, brushing my nipples through it with his fingers. I felt a pull from my centre. I arched back, pulling the garment over my head and then reached to remove his shirt. He assisted me, and then we were skin-to-skin.

"I like your bra," he murmured. Suddenly, it was no longer on me. It was on the rear-view mirror. He lowered his face to the valley between my breasts, licking his way around. I ran my hands down his back, enjoying the smoothness of his skin.

It had to be admitted that for all the luxury of the Aston Martin's interior, there was not a lot of legroom for this sort of thing. The centre console, although low, was still inconvenient. How did James Bond do it?

I fidgeted about, trying to find a more comfortable position. Edward regarded me wryly, "Now you see why we haven't done this before."

After a moment's disorientation, I found myself in the back seat, sitting on his lap. Our hands were busy as our bodies tangled. Edward groaned, hitching my leg around his middle. I trailed my fingers through his chest hair, and down to his abdomen where the fine hair started. He leaned back to release himself from his jeans. It was awkward thanks to the constrained space, but he managed it.

The next problem was how to get me out of my clothes, without poking out an eye. We each made a few attempts to remove my antiquated knickers, without success.

Someone was getting a little frustrated. Then there was Edward, who was getting a _lot _frustrated. "Sorry, Bella, but these have to go _now_." He took hold of the back seam of the ridiculous pants and ripped them to shreds effortlessly.

I looked at him with my mouth open. "How am I supposed to go home?" I demanded incredulously.

"I'll fetch something for you when we get there," he shrugged.

"You'd better get us home without getting caught. I don't want to be seen in a garter belt and fishnets and nothing else," I warned.

"Mmm. If you insist."

"I do."

"Isabella?"

"Uh huh?"

"Stop over-thinking it."

Well, there was no point in interrupting a hot moment with arguing. "Okay."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?|

"You can say 'I do' as many times as you want, though."

"Okay."

"Do you want me to do this?" he asked, playing with my clit.

"Oh, yeah. I do."

"Want to touch me?"

"I do."

"Want to cum for me?"

"I do."

"Ride my hand, love. Pretend it's my dick. Come on, Bella. Come ride me," he moaned.

"Yes, Edward. I love you. I want you." He pressed on my g, bringing waves of heat. I ground myself onto his fingers again and again until I climaxed. He smoothed my wetness onto his shaft, groaning softly. I picked up his hand gently, holding it in both of mine. Then I leaned forward onto his chest. I grabbed him and held his dick flat, and carefully positioned myself so I could rub my clit against his length.

Edward gasped and his eyes turned flat black, "Careful, Bella!"

"We can't get pregnant."

"No."

"And there's no venom in your ejaculate."

"No," he answered reluctantly.

"Then why not let me rub on you?"

"I might get carried away."

"Just a little. Let me do it just a little. Please? Let me feel you on me. Do you know you get surprisingly warm when you're with me like this? It's amazing. So... fascinating. I can't wait to be joined with you. I want to know how you feel inside me." He moved his hand to cover the head of his dick, and pulled my hip gently until I was back in place. His other arm enfolded me lovingly.

I put my hands on his chest, and slid back and forth while he watched me. His eyes did their smouldering thing. I rubbed along him until his legs started quivering and his hands tightened on my arms.

"Bella, stop, that's enough." He held me immobile.

"I don't want to stop," I murmured shyly.

"We've waited nineteen months, love. If you keep that up, we're not going to make it 'til tomorrow. I'll take you now."

'That's sounding pretty good at the moment. It would get all the nerves out of the way. Make tomorrow easier." I chuckled.

"That's not funny, Bella. Waiting was your idea, remember?"

"I know." I looked down, confused. The rejection washed over me.

"Oh, love. _Don't_ be sad. Do _not _be sad. I couldn't _bear_ it tonight. Maybe you're right." He eyed me worriedly.

"No, you're always right, beautiful." A tear escaped me despite my best efforts to suppress it.

"Oh, no, Bella. No! _No,_ love. Stop crying. I love you. _Hush._ Hush, love." Edward nuzzled my neck and then suddenly he had manoeuvred himself into position under me. He was going to take me. A hundred feelings flooded through me, good and not so good.

"Bella? Yes or no?" All this time, all the love I felt for him, and I still couldn't make a decision. The man I wanted for all eternity waited while I dithered like an idiotic kid, like someone who didn't know what they wanted in life, like someone who wasn't sure she was loved, like a tease.

He waited, and the frustration of not knowing what I was thinking built in his eyes. And then he set his jaw and pushed his glans until it just barely penetrated me, and held still, waiting for my command. I felt pins and needles. My palms were slick. I felt a thrill. I couldn't tell if it was fear or anticipation.

"Last chance, love." He stared at me, his eyes pits of black boiling lava.

"What do you want?"

"It is not about me. It's about you." He wrapped his hands around my backside, gripping me firmly. "Decide!"

I wasn't sure this was a good idea. But there were few drawbacks to waiting. I had to be sure. "NO!" I cried.

He hurled me to the side and he hurled himself away, throwing himself right out of the Vanquish into the pitch black night. I rocketed out of the vehicle after him, cursing myself.

"Edward!" I screamed, scanning the darkness for him everywhere. It was too dark. My eyes were too weak. My breath was sawing in and out of my chest hysterically. I walked a couple of metres from the Vanquish, searching frantically. "Edward! Come back! I love you! Don't leave me!" I sobbed.

A husky voice broke the silence, low to the ground and much closer than I expected. "Hush, love, I'm right here. I'm not leaving you. I just needed some space."

I threw myself into his arms, weeping all over him. So much for giving him space. My love held me while I poured out my self-loathing, "I am _such _a bitch. I am _nothing _but a tease. You should hate me. I'm _so _awful."

"Oh, hush Bella. It's alright. Shhh! It's alright. You are my _love_, and everything's fine. Don't talk badly about yourself. I'm kind of relieved, actually. You were right. It's better to wait." Edward rocked me and patted me consolingly.

"I just _stopped _you at the _last possible _second, and you aren't _angry_ with me? Any other man would be calling me names. Are you _insane_?" I sat back, gawped at him and tried to see his face in the darkness. He chuckled.

"Well, everyone's been telling me that for years, so maybe I am. Don't move while I get something."

I heard a door open and then felt the rush of air as Edward sat back down beside me. There was a click, and then we were bathed in a soft orange light. He set a small battery-powered hurricane lantern between us on the ground. Then he wrapped our travel blanket around my shoulders. A mosquito sat on me. Edward waved at it, and it disappeared into the ether. Even bugs didn't like being close to him. He scooched closer to me, keeping them outside our circle of two.

"Bella, I wasn't thinking just now. I got carried away. You mesmerize me. I put your pleasure above doing what we both know is right. Had we gone through with it there would be regrets, and an eternity to ponder them in. The finish line is in sight, after all, and I never quite envisioned our first time together as something rushed, or awkward, or unromantic. I don't think the back seat of a car is something I want to make an everlasting memory in. I have big plans for you, and as much as I'd have enjoyed _not_ stopping just now, I'd rather not spoil those plans. I think we're agreed that we want to wait."

I looked at him, smiling gently at me in the lantern light, and threw myself at him again, bawling. "You cannot be real. You are too perfect. Too patient, too forgiving. Why don't you ever think of saying 'no' to me? I'm getting so spoiled, you won't be able to stand me someday. I don't deserve you."

"Aw, come on. I'm just a sappy date. But my feelings for you will never change. They will always be fixed just as they are now. And maybe I _will_ tell you 'no' once in a while, just to keep your head from swelling. I'd like it, though, if you'd tell me your reason for stopping."

I blushed, and knew he would feel the heat of it. I sighed, "You know, I was thinking about lust versus love. And I thought, if we were to do this now, I would be serving my own lust, not serving our love. Not serving your needs. Betraying my own needs. We'd break your last unbroken Commandment.

"I know you said not to bring it up again, but the fact is that I _need_ to be with you in whatever existence we have after death. Immortals still die at some point. An eternal separation from you would be Hell, and I don't want to risk it. Even if it doesn't turn out to be a factor, we need to have no regrets. I will put our needs before my selfish wants. I _wanted_ to consummate our love tonight, but both of us _need _the timing and conditions to be right."

"Thank you, Bella. We're on the same page. See? Everything's fine. Come on, Minx. Let's cheer up. It's 10 pm. Only 17 hours 'til you belong to me forever."

"I came on to you, and then I left you high and dry," I said shakily.

He looked at me saucily from under his lashes, "You could fix that, love."

"Tell me what you want."

"I want to rub on you again, and then when I start to lose control, I want you to watch me cum. Then I want to drive somewhere that's still secluded, but where we can lie out and look at the stars. Then, I want to take you back to Charlie's, and snuggle with you until my annoying brothers show up to drag me away."

My mouth went a little dry. I took the blanket and spread it on the hood of the Vanquish. I lay down on it, on my stomach, and looked back over my shoulder at Edward. The hood was still warm. Edward carried over the lantern and set it on the hood near the windshield. Then, he carefully positioned his velvet covered shaft back along my labia and gently began to push himself over my clit. I put my palm under his dick and held it against me so he didn't have to hold onto himself. He lowered himself onto his right elbow and leaned against me. He embraced me with his left arm, his hand around my right breast.

Edward's breath was cool on the back of my neck. He caressed my hair with his lips, and he fondled my breasts as he moved gently back and forth. He was maddeningly in control. I was torn between hoping he would let go of his inhibitions, and fearing that he would turn animal. Of course, all the sensations were a turn on. My wetness seeped onto him, easing his passage.

He continued his thrusting until his tempo picked up and became more desperate. Then, he pulled away and moved me to sit a couple of yards back from the hood of the car.

I spread my legs wide and stroked myself to orgasm. He leaned back against the hood and watched me with eyes that were again black and smouldering. He beat himself off, growling a little, until his breath hitched and his eyes rolled back. Then, he grunted, clenched his teeth and shot his load high into the air. I moaned, and started to get up to go to him. He held up his hand, signalling me to keep my distance.

Edward lay back against the hood and rested until his breathing grew even. Then, he got up and picked up the blanket. He did a double take, then groaned.

"That will teach me!" he growled. I walked around his side to see what he was looking at. The hood was caved in where he'd leaned against it. I couldn't help giggling, and smacked him on the butt. Hadn't he told _me_ off for risking the car's integrity?

Edward sighed, rolled his eyes and walked around to reach in the car and pop the hood. Then, he placed one hand on top of the hood and the other hand beneath it, and used enough pressure to iron the metal straight. When he was finished, I could barely tell where the dent had been. My vampire, more angel than man, could do amazing things with those hands. Strong enough to crush granite, and gentle enough to give me feather-light caresses. I marvelled at him.

Satisfied with his work, he turned and guided me to the passenger side of the car and opened my door for me. I stepped forward to get in, and he gasped and froze.

"What's wrong?" I demanded, panicking.

"I... oh, Bella, I'm so sorry," he said with anguish.

"Whatever is it? I'm fine."

"I... I bruised you, Bella." He touched my backside in the area he was worried about. I tried to turn and look, with limited success.

"Edward, love, if you _did_ then I'm not complaining. I didn't even feel it. I'm fine, really. I bruise easily, that's all."

"Bella, how am I going to make love with you, when I might get carried away, when I failed to touch you safely while maintaining decent control tonight?" I heard the tears that could not be shed in his voice.

"We'll be fine. You worry too much."

"I'm overcompensating for _you_. _You_ don't worry enough. Remember the last time I lost control?"

I brushed under his eyes as though wiping tears away. "Yes, I am aware of what you can do. But you purposefully let the monster loose that time. You won't do that again."

"Bella..."

"You promised me." He huffed out a defeated sigh, dropping his head. I lifted his chin and pouted. "Weren't we headed somewhere to watch the stars?" He nodded, and handed me into my seat. Then he reached into the back to retrieve what clothes were still undamaged.

Edward handed me my t-shirt and his boxers. I retrieved my bra from the mirror and got dressed. He dressed outside before getting in the Vanquish.

As he pulled back onto the paved road, I turned the CD back on, and put my hand on his thigh. He took it in his hand and held it there.

"Why do you forgive me so easily, when I do bad things?" he fretted. He wasn't watching me, but the road. That always worried me.

"Because I know your heart and your soul. You didn't intend to bruise me, I'm just too fragile. When I join your world, we will be perfect together. You are a beautiful person, love, and you need to learn to forgive yourself for accidents."

"If I were to injure you badly, how could I forgive myself?"

"You won't hurt me. Now, cheer up. This has been a very good day, with a couple of small blips. Make the end of the day happy, so I can endure being without you until 3pm tomorrow."

Edward nodded and tried to remove the grimace from his face. He began humming along with the oldies he loved. In what seemed like no time, he pulled off onto a different stretch of road running parallel to the shoreline. Then, he pulled off at an observation point overlooking the ocean.

We got out the blanket and he swaddled me up in it and lifted me to sit on the hood. Then, he climbed gingerly up beside me and held me in his arms as we admired the view and listened to his favourite music. Too soon, we had to pack up to go home. He really wanted a last cuddle with me in the place where he had chosen to love me forever.

We pulled in the drive at 11:30pm. Edward bounded through my window and returned with some sweatpants. I pulled them on quickly, and he walked me to the door. Charlie was already snoring upstairs, so I signalled for Edward to come in the human way. He flew me up the stairs and I quickly scrubbed off my hideous makeup, brushed my teeth and donned my pyjamas.

Edward already had his shirt off. He burrito'd me up in my blankets, and put his arms and one leg around me.

"How long until your mean siblings come to steal you from me?"

"About 20 minutes. They keep teasing me that they're throwing me a bachelor party tonight. I really hope they don't. Emmett gets carried away. If he goes too far I'll just spruce off."

"Huh. Well, I'll tell them to behave. Kiss me while you can, love. I'm going to miss you tonight." I pulled his mouth down to mine, and held him as though I would never have to let go. My immortal sighed with contentment, returning my love.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: Last Minute Cuddle**

**This is a re-write of Stephenie Meyer's "BD", Chapter #2, from Edward's pov. All credit is due to Stephenie. Nothing belongs to me. I'm just in love with Edward. Please no sue.**

**I also borrow material from one of my other stories, "Leashing the Victorian", Chapter 5.**

**Edward's pov**

"I miss you already," Bella murmured between kisses. I drank her in. Her look, her scent, the rhythm of her heart stuttering in arousal, and her heat so heady that I could feel her in my flesh. Her eyes were closed. She was growing drowsy despite her determination to stay awake with me. The day had been very long for her.

How could I contemplate going away for 14 hours? This was where I belonged. "I don't need to leave. I can stay..." I kissed her again, running my tongue around the edges of her mouth, savouring the delectable flavour that was unique to Bella.

"Mmm," she moaned contentedly. Bella opened her eyes, and appeared surprised to find me watching her. She stared smugly at me, like I was the centre of her universe, and I stared back, adoring her with every iota of my body and spirit. Then, she pulled me back down to her mouth.

"Definitely staying," I mumbled, tracing the circuit of chin to neck.

"No, no. It's your bachelor party. You have to go." Bella was giving me a different message with her hands. They were around my back, pulling me more snugly against her. I chuckled.

I rested on my elbows and stroked her face with both my hands. Where I stroked, her skin raised blushing trails. It was mesmerizing. I argued with her, hoping she'd agree to skip this old wives tale so I could stay straight through with her until the wedding. "Bachelor parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their single days. I couldn't be more eager to have mine behind me. So there's really no point."

"True," Bella agreed, breathing humidly against my throat. _Great_, thought I. I am _here_ for the duration! Happy time! Bella ran her warm hands over my chest, exploring my muscles and playing with the hair there. I shuddered and sought her mouth eagerly. She ran her tongue over my lips and I sighed. Letting her breathe me in, however, had its usual, undesirable effect. Bella stopped breathing and her heart skipped a couple of beats.

Why, oh, why, did she have to forget to breathe when I kissed her? Talk about _le petit mort_! I pulled back, and her body resumed its natural rhythms. How frustrating.

"Wait," she commanded, a little annoyed. She didn't realize what danger she was in at times because of me. She didn't realize I backed off for her protection, not because I didn't want to go further. Bella gripped my shoulders and molded herself to me.

"Practise makes perfect," she said, velvet over steel. I chuckled again, smiling crookedly at her.

"Well, we should be fairly close to perfection by this point then, shouldn't we? Have you slept at all in the last month?" I examined her carefully. Her weight had gone down a bit in the past two weeks, and her eyes were looking too much like mine: darkly circled. She disregarded my question.

"But this is the dress rehearsal," she lamented, "and we've only practised certain scenes." I tensed. First, we'd done _plenty _of rehearsing. I'd achieved more intimacy with her than I'd ever thought possible. Second, I was growing anxious about the opening night. Bella already had one bruise chronicling my touch, and Bella didn't know how much intense feeling I'd been suppressing at the time. She relied completely on my good intentions, not giving weight to my body's traitorous urges. She was so innocent. She couldn't understand.

My expression of love to my mate was self-stifled and that created a confusing dichotomy. I was, on the one hand, pleased with what we'd accomplished, and thankful for it. On the other hand, I felt stilted and unsatisfied. Emmett often wondered why I was still so high strung. The truth was, I was always frustrated. I couldn't let loose all my passion. It was too dangerous. Yet I needed to love Bella.

"It's no time for playing safe," Bella insisted. Sudden stress overwhelmed me and my body locked down. My self-control, when touching her, was _so_ tenuous. Too much self-control, no joy. Relax it too far, and I could kill or maim her. And that would be my undoing. I held both our futures in a murderously powerful pair of hands. God help me.

Walking the tightrope was more difficult for me than she thought. She really had no clue how dangerous a void she was pushing us over. The pressure to be perfect was suffocating. The monster was always there on my shoulder, whispering at me to let loose my raging desires. The human part wanted her too, but differently, and he would sooner abstain than injure. And I had promised Bella to make love to her. The deadline was fast approaching, and I had no idea how to swing it. I was suddenly terrified. Would I lose her by keeping my promise? Would I plunge us both into Hell? My mouth went dry.

"Bella..." I whispered.

"Don't start this again. A deal's a deal."

"I don't know. It's too hard to concentrate when you're with me like this. I—I can't think straight. I won't be able to control myself. You'll get hurt."

"I'll be fine."

I sighed. I might as well be talking to the wall. I opened my mouth to explain to her about the significance of her bruise, about how hard I had been controlling myself. About how frustrating it was to stay cool and focused. "Bella..."

"Shh!" she stopped me with a determined kiss. I kissed her back tentatively. Then, I thought back to the conversation we'd had the day she'd restrained me, and I'd let go of my inhibitions, and I'd almost bitten her.

"I frightened you." I had said, rigid and weeping in her arms.

"That's true. I've been telling you that I trust you since day one, as a mark of my commitment to you, but I can see now that I put you under a lot of pressure by failing to take proper precautions. I made you solely responsible for my safety, and relied on you to take all the responsibility if I touched you recklessly. That wasn't fair. I finally have gotten the message. I must be careful not to carelessly cross the line. It was a good lesson. I'm kind of glad you frightened me, because now I have the opportunity to be a better partner and be less spoiled. I'm only sorry that you are so upset.

"I'm proud to be beside you. You _choose_ to be good, and there are things about the vampire that I love so much that it makes me thrill to you. You must start accepting the vampire so that you can be _everything_ you were created to be."

Bella was not a fool. She knew how perilously close she'd been to dying that day. She would never forget the experience, and she would never forget her words to me. So maybe I needed to grow up and be the best person I could be, instead of hiding behind my fear. What was it that Carlisle said? "Perfect love casts out fear". So, maybe instead of trying to be perfect _myself,_ I should try to make my love for her perfect. Damn it if I wasn't an insecure sap, though. I just had to keep getting reassurance from her.

"How are your feet?" I asked.

"Toasty warm."

"Really? No second thoughts? It's not too late to change your mind." Not about _me_, I hoped, about adopting my lifestyle and characteristics.

"Are you trying to ditch me?" Bella demanded, growling menacingly. I laughed.

"Just making sure. I don't want you to do anything you're not sure about."

"I'm sure about you. The rest I can live through."

I was hesitant to remind her of what she'd have to live through, but it would be wrong to take her human life and make her immortal if she were not fully aware of what she would lose. "Can you? I don't mean the wedding -which I am positive you will survive despite your qualms- but afterward... what about Renee, what about Charlie?"

Bella sighed, "I'll miss them."

"Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike."

"I'll miss my friends, too," she smiled devilishly, "Especially Mike. Oh, Mike! How will I go on?" I growled defensively, even though I knew she was only teasing. Mike was still having improper thoughts about her, and seeing Bella in her costume at the roast tonight had done nothing but stoke the fire.

Bella laughed, but then looked at me seriously. "Edward, we've been through this and through this. I know it will be hard, but this is what I want. I want you, and I want you forever. One lifetime is simply not enough for me."

If _only_ she knew what it meant to be unchanging! "Frozen forever at eighteen," I whispered.

"Every woman's dream come true," she smiled.

"Never changing... never moving forward."

"What does that mean?" Bella laughed. I had to let her know what I was thinking, but it was very hard to put it into words, when I'd never allowed myself to express the regret I felt. Longing for something you couldn't have was just a waste of energy. But I owed it to Bella to express my innermost thoughts to her, before we went through with the final, life-altering act.

"Do you remember when we told Charlie we were getting married? And he thought you were... pregnant?"

"And he thought about shooting you," she laughed, "Admit it-- for one second, he honestly considered it."

I didn't answer. Maybe some things were too private to share, even with your mate.

"What, Edward?"

"I just wish... well, I wish that he'd been right."

"Gah!" Bella recoiled. I _knew_ I shouldn't have said it!

"More that there was some way he could have been. That we had that kind of potential. I _hate_ taking that away from you, too."

Bella grew thoughtful. Then she looked at me resolutely. "I know what I'm doing," she said firmly.

"How could you know that, Bella? Look at my mother, look at my sister. It's not as easy a sacrifice as you imagine."

"Esme and Rosalie get by just fine. If it's a problem later, we can do what Esme did—we'll adopt."

I huffed impatiently. I was getting very frustrated. The self-loathing was strong. "It's not _right_! I don't want you to have to make sacrifices for me. I want to give you things, not take things away from you. I don't want to steal your future. If I were human--"

Bella silenced me with a hand over my mouth. "_You_ are my future. Now _stop_. No moping, or I'm calling your brothers to come and get you . Maybe you _need_ a bachelor party."

Here we were, mere hours away from getting married, and I was spending our last premarital moments arguing with Bella. "I'm sorry. I am moping, aren't I? Must be the nerves."

"Are your feet cold?"

Only about consummating the relationship. "Not in that sense. I've been waiting a century to marry you , Miss Swan. The wedding ceremony is the one thing I can't wait--" I listened. Emmett and Jasper were outside, debating whether to come in and get me. "Oh, for the love of all that's holy!" I snarled.

"What's wrong?"

I spoke through clenched teeth, "You don't have to call my brothers. Apparently Emmett and Jasper are not going to let me bow out tonight." Damn sappy dates. I didn't want to leave. Fourteen Bella-less hours! It would be torture.

Bella clutched me to her, then pushed me away, sighing. "Have fun," she said with fake enthusiasm.

_Watch out Bimbo! Zip it up. You've got company_! Emmett's fingernails scraped down Bella's windowpane. The noise made my teeth feel like they were growing longer. Both Bella and I shuddered.

"If you don't send Edward out, we're coming in after him!" Emmett hissed menacingly. _If we don't get him out, Esme and the girls will have our hides._

I briefly considered grabbing Bella and making a run for it. It would be fun, knowing that the wrath of the women folk would rain down on my brothers. But it might mess up the remaining prep time for the wedding. Hmm. We'd need to get the house and food ready. And I had to tell them what to move out of my room while Bella and I were away. Guess I'd better be a good Bimbo and do as I was told.

"Go," Bella laughed, "_Before_ they break my house."

I rolled my eyes, but got up and put on my shirt. I leaned down and kissed Bella on the forehead. "Go to sleep," I ordered. "You've got a big day tomorrow."

Bella rolled her eyes, "Thanks! That's sure to help me wind down."

I smiled crookedly at her. "I'll meet you at the altar."

"I'll be the one in white." She sounded so calm about it. I knew she wasn't.

"Very convincing." I chuckled, launching myself out the window. I landed on Emmett, who cracked his head against the turf. He called me a depraved horny bastard. I laughed again and nodded in confirmation. He was right. Emmett chuckled at that.

Bella's voice floated down. "You'd better not make him late."

Jasper sprang lithely up to the window and peered in. "Don't worry, Bella. We'll get him home in plenty of time." _Or Alice will have my balls on a platter._ Jazz floated an air of serenity up to Bella. She resisted it.

"Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you ?"

Em growled at Jazz theatrically. "Don't tell her anything!" _I still say we should have gotten him some practise. _ I leaped at him, put both feet between his shoulder blades, and drove his face into Charlie's lawn, cackling evilly. _Come on, I was kidding. Where's your sense of humour? _Back in Bella's room. Emmett was going to pay for taking me away from Bella tonight.

"Relax," Jasper commanded Bella. "We Cullens have our own version." Yeah, invented _by _me _for_ me.

Jasper had only married Alice once, shortly after they joined the family, and it had been a quiet affair. But Emmett and Rose liked getting married and having honeymoons and everything that went along with it. He'd had many, many titillating bachelor parties, that were always fraught with unpleasantness for me. No _way_ was Emmett getting me into any trouble tonight!

Jasper continued his explanation. "Just a few mountain lions, a couple of grizzly bears. Pretty much an ordinary night out," he shrugged. Yeah, because the groom refused to submit to Emmett's idea of a good bachelor party. Succubi from France, indeed!

"Thanks, Jasper," Bella said softly. I hoped she would not worry herself into a state all night. She was so strange. Hang out with monsters? No fear. Make love with me? No problem. Get married? Sheer terror. I shook my head, grinning crookedly. I guess it was a good thing for me that she didn't have a normal perspective on life.

Emmett picked himself up off the ground and opened his arms, trying to coax me away from taking up a vigil outside the window. _ Come on Edward. You don't want to jinx your future. Let Bella sleep, and let's go have some fun._

I crossed my arms and looked at him disparagingly. Jinx my future? What crap!

_Please, bro? We miss spending time with you._ Oh, boy! Guilt trip. I rolled my eyes. Well, I did kind of miss gallivanting around with them, too. I guess I could indulge them. After all, how often did we have a first-time wedding in this family? They wanted to go the whole nine yards. I sighed and nodded my acceptance, and the boys high-fived each other and beckoned me to follow. Then, they ran into the rainforest.

I whispered, looking up to Bella's room, "Good night, love. Pleasant dreams. I'll see you at the altar. _Mrs_ Cullen." I backed up a few steps, still looking in the window, hoping she'd come and peek out for a goodbye kiss, but it was not to be. I turned reluctantly, and swiftly followed my brothers into the inky blackness.

***

**A/N: Okay, I thought you guys would be all over me after the last chapter, and I didn't get one review. I figured something had to happen between the visit to the Meadow (Eclipse) and the honeymoon (B. D.) to give Bella and Edward stage fright. Please R & R:)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: Confessions**

**All belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Please don't sue.**

**Jasper's slang is from the 1880's**

**Jasper's pov**

I flew through the night, racing my brothers, dodging trees as necessary. A startled Olympic marmot froze as I bushwhacked him, and turned to hide himself in the ground-cover. I chuckled as he presented his fat, furry backside to me. He was of no interest as far as meals went. I would hunt big game tonight, in preparation for tomorrow's close contact with humans and werewolves.

One more day, and things would hopefully get back to normal. I had to believe that Bella and Edward would make a go of it, succeeding where others had failed. Edward, for all his emotional upheavals, was a hero to me in that respect. He could interact with Bella in a completely human way that I envied. I would so love to be immune to the temptation of human blood. Alice kept saying that she had _Seen_ it. Someday, I would be strong, just like the other members of the family. But she couldn't tell me _when_, and that made me think it would be a long time from now.

Edward slowed his pace to run parallel to me. It was wonderful running with him when he was running for fun. He loved to run. He got so exhilarated, that I almost got high off it. He was a spanking corker of a person, but so moody at times. And he and Bella were walking balls of nerves. I loved them both, but if I had my drothers, he'd change her as soon as possible so the angst and the anxiety would vanish.

I leaped over the Calawah and somersaulted efficiently to a landing, enjoying the stretch of muscles that had not been sufficiently challenged for too many days. Edward showed off a bit, beginning with a handspring and completing a double pike before landing perfectly, facing back the way we had come. Emmett, being Emmett, took the direct approach, hurling himself over the river and landing on Edward, knocking the air out of him.

"That's for pushing my face in the dirt at your bride's house tonight," Emmett said cockily. Edward just snickered. He put both his feet on Em's chest and levered him off. Then, he moved to lean nonchalantly against a huge hemlock, giving Em the finger.

"You came and removed me from my nice, warm, comfy bed. I had to get back at you somehow."

"I came and removed you from your nice, warm, comfy woman, you mean. If you two got any closer, we'd be doing this wedding supervised by Charlie and his shotgun."

"Nobody needs a shotgun to get me to the altar, Em. I've waited for Bella for a long time."

"We noticed. You never used to seem interested, though. We all thought you were asexual. Or maybe gay."

"Definitely not either. I just hadn't found the right girl yet. Before I met Bella, females all seemed so much the same to me. It was really dull, talking to girls, like listening to a recording of something not terribly entertaining over and over. They hardly ever cared about me as a person, they either just wanted sex or they wanted me to provide for them. Superficial, you know? And I was never into cheap thrills. Then I met Bella, and she was always doing the thing I least expected. And she was always so selfless. That's how she caught me."

"Caught in a trap, Bella's Bitch?" Emmett teased.

"I walked right into the trap. Lion caught by lamb, no contest." Waves of contentment rolled off him.

Nobody could ever say Edward didn't love Bella. Their relationship was probably as strong as mine and Alice's, and that was saying a lot. The Bimbo often said that Alice and I were so close, and knew each other so well, that it was like we could read each others' thoughts. Of course, we'd spent a lot of years in our coven of two, without any distractions. We'd had lots of time to get to know each other_ very, very_ well.

I thought back to the day that I met my wife, and how she'd changed my existence. Then, I remembered how it felt the first time we made love. Oh, I'd had other females, but the emotional element was missing. I understood why Edward rejected all the other girls' advances. Sex just wasn't the same if you didn't have that spark of love between you.

Unlike Edward, I had not had to fear for my mate's safety when I took her, and Alice had come a long way in expressing her desires since I'd met her fifty-odd years ago. Of course, I always knew what she was feeling, so I could change direction immediately if she was turned off by something. It was rare that anything turned her off, though. And lately, she'd really taken to teasing my cock with that whip.

"Too much information, Jasper. And you talk about _me_?" Edward stared at me with mock horror. The humour was reassuring. A few years ago, the horror would have been real. Edward really had loosened up.

I squatted down comfortably on the bank, and my brothers soon joined me on the ground. "Well, you and Bella generally comport yourselves like a couple of lit sticks of dynamite."

"Speaking of which," Emmett leered, waggling his eyebrows like some Vaudeville villain, "your dancing tonight was pretty ginchy. You really led her around the floor. That's a minxy girl you've got there, stud."

"Yeah, she's way too sexy for her own good." Edward ran his hand through his hair, calming anxiety. Uh oh.

"She sure likes to wear the pants, though. You're going to have to watch it with her, or you really will be the Sub."

"She's only in charge because I put her there, Em. I'm too afraid she'll get hurt." The anxious edge notched up. "Once she's more durable, I won't worry about taking charge. 'Course when we get to that point, I'm not likely to be wasting time worrying about who's in charge. I'm going to be busy doing other things."

"That'll be a switch! So have you ever taken charge?"

"A couple of times." Uh oh, the hand through the hair again, followed by a stabbing streak of anxiety.

"And?!" Emmett really _was_ direct.

"None of your beeswax, bro." Definite aura of anxiety radiating off Edward now.

"Edward, maybe you'd better tell us what you're feeling so anxious about. Maybe we can help," I offered, sending out a calming vibe.

"I don't really want to kiss and tell."

"I don't really _want_ you to kiss and tell. But let's face it, you do... uh... _kiss_. Everybody knows that."

"Yeah, you're smelling pretty strongly of eau de Bella tonight, bro," snickered Em. "So did ya go park after the festivities tonight?"

"Let's just say we don't do very well in cars, Emmett," he grimaced. A jumble of emotions were leaking out of Edward now. Frustration, self-disgust, love, longing and shame. What had he done? Was Edward in the soup? Bella wasn't _angry _when I spoke to her.

"No, she wasn't. We're talking about _Bella,_ remember? She always excuses me when I fail. Even if she's suffered at my hands. I should be putting her in the loony bin, not encouraging her. She doesn't have normal instincts. She loves me unconditionally." Remorse now, mixed with affection and gratitude.

"Tell us, Edward." I demanded. _No way _was he going back to precious little Bella without sorting this out.

"I guess you're right, Jazz. I'm not getting anywhere on my own." He ran his hand through his hair again.

"Would you two _please_ stop conversing in Jasper's head and tell me what's going on? Getting annoyed over here!" Em huffed.

Edward looked at both of us, then lowered his eyes. "I almost did something really rash tonight."

I looked at him patiently, trying to calm his nerves. _Go on, it's okay._

"Bella, well, she doesn't understand how... tempting she can be. And she kind of... said... she didn't want to wait for tomorrow to go all the way. That the day would be a lot less nerve-wracking if we weren't worried about the wedding night."

I nodded. _Keep going. Get it off your chest._

"I told her no, that we were almost to the goal, and we should wait. She took it hard. So I thought, well... I thought I should give in. Make her happy. Then she waffled. She wasn't sure."

"Did you try to force her?" I asked incredulously. Not Edward. He'd never hurt Bella that way. He was no masher.

"I'd never do that, Jazz. But I _was_ irritated, and I pushed her to decide what she really wanted. And she wouldn't make up her mind. I quite nearly made it up _for _her. She stopped me at the last possible moment."

"But you stopped when she told you to, right?" Emmett checked, serious for once.

"Yes. But it was _so _difficult. And it would have been so wrong to take her like that. I was annoyed. I was frustrated. It wouldn't have been good for either of us. I nearly spoiled everything."

"But you didn't. Was she angry with you?" Emmett asked.

"No, that's the really bothersome part. She was mad at herself for instigating the whole thing. She always blames herself, and forgives me. She doesn't accept that I deserve to be punished when I'm ... bad."

"Sounds to me like you felt teased, _not _that I'm saying she did it _purposefully_, and you got frustrated, and _almost _made a big mistake, but your respect for Bella and good communication made everything alright again," I summarized.

"I guess so."

"So what did you do then, to make things better? She was totally fine when we left her, and she's not the kind of girl who lies to herself. She was kind of anxious about the hooplah of the wedding. No fear or anxiety surrounding _you_, though. When you were with her, she was thoroughly content."

"When she asked me to stop, she was afraid I'd be angry and she panicked. I reassured her that I was kind of glad she stopped me. We, um, went about as far as we could go without going all the way. And I spent a lot of time being affectionate with her."

"Well, you made up alright, then. That's not so bad, Edward. A lot of guys, weak guys, would have gotten angry and claimed to have been led on, and then failed to stop themselves. Instinct and emotion have the power to overrule logic, _not_ that I'm excusing that kind of behaviour. Catch on? Taking her that way would have been wrong, and I'm glad you recognize that. Bella must have known that it was a possibility that you would not stop. She was conflicted, too. If she _hadn't _been seriously considering the option, then she'd still be feeling frightened or angry or repulsed. She _isn't_.

"You must have addressed the situation well, or you'd still have unresolved fallout. You made the right decision together, for the both of you. Sometimes hashing things out with your mate is very uncomfortable, but you have to do it. In this case, as long as you make it through the next few hours without breaking any promises, there won't be any more conflict about it. You'll consummate the marriage, as you both agreed, and the issue will be dead." A tidal wave of his fear hit me like a wrecking ball. It was shocking, because I'd expected my words to comfort him. Maybe I shouldn't have used the word 'dead'.

"There's still a problem," he admitted, wooden on the outside, drowning in fear within.

"This is the time to lay it out. Don't suck it up like a bimbo."

"I don't know how to strike a balance. It's too far out of my realm of experience. Be too reserved, and I'll disappoint her. Be too free, and I could kill her. Bella doesn't know how hard it is to walk the line. She doesn't know how close I come to injuring her. Tonight, I was holding back _really hard_, and she still ended up with a four inch bruise. I'm so afraid I'll hurt her." He pinched his eyes shut, trying to get himself in check.

Emmett spoke softly, "You couldn't hurt her Edward. Our entire family is agreed that your self-control has no equal anywhere."

"But that's the problem, Em! It's _not _that solid. My self-control is much harder to keep than anyone imagines. Everyone just assumes it's easy for me." A hopeless feeling oozed out of him.

"That's not true, Edward. I know exactly what you're going through. How you do it, is beyond me. I couldn't maintain the self-discipline that you do. But I'm eye to eye with Em. You would never hurt Bella."

Edward laughed, scoffing.

"Seriously, Edward. You and Bella will be fine. If you were monkeying with her, and had no qualms, I'd be concerned, because it would show you weren't giving serious consideration to the problem. But you're _always_ mindful to put Bella's needs first, so you won't get carried away. Now, she's forgiven you, so you need to move forward by forgiving yourself. You can't be there emotionally for her otherwise. Just be considerate from now on."

Edward nodded, acknowledging the logic. His spirit started to lift a little.

"If you err, then err on the side of holding back. You can be more passionate with her once she's changed. She doesn't need you to be a perfect lover for her first time. She just needs you to be gentle, affectionate, and mindful of her needs."

"Just make sure she gets taken care of," Emmett added, "and if you're worried about holding her too tight, then find something else to hold onto. Like a bedpost or a headboard. Channel your strength and divert it onto something inanimate. Who cares about the furniture? It's replaceable."

Edward nodded, cheering up. I guessed he'd find a way to make it through.

"Aren't you gonna ask us what it's like?" Emmett asked.

"Ha. Not really. I've been reading your minds for years, you know. I think I have a pretty good idea." Edward shrugged shyly.

"It's very powerful. A great joy. Almost as good as the rush you get when you drink human blood, but somehow better, because when you love your partner, it means so much to you. Wouldn't you say so, Texas?"

"Yeah, that sounds pretty accurate, Em."

"What position are you gonna use?"

"Um. I don't know. Does it matter?"

"Oh, _yeah_!" we chorused, agog. Edward would be blushing, were he capable of it.

"Good thing I asked him!" Emmett said to me.

"Yes. It's very important. Don't do anything with her facing away. It could be much more painful for her, it's tricky to perform well at first, and it's less intimate when she can't see your eyes," I advised.

"She'll have more control if she's on top, but I think most girls still like to start with missionary. You have to be careful not to be rough, but she would probably feel coddled in your arms. Put a pillow under her hips. Or, you could do side to side." Emmett's eyes got a little dreamy, and the lust started to build.

"Too much information, Emmett!" Edward growled, just as I said, "Tone it down, please!" All three of us laughed.

"May we have a change of subject, now, _please_, before anyone gets carried away?" the groom demanded.

"Feel better?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, thanks. I'm okay." He was.

"Can we go hunting now?" I demanded.

"Yeah. I'm starving. Too much stress. Let's go," Edward said, jumping up and taking off into the trees. We rushed after him. He was so blasted fast, he'd leave us in the dust if we weren't careful.

"Hey, bro? Wait up!" Em bellowed. Edward slowed down a little, chuckling. We came to his flanks and ran companionably together.

"So where are we headed? If we run too much farther we'll end up in Canada," I grumbled.

"Best not cross any borders tonight. What's fairly close to home with decent game?"

"They're reporting a big bear population near the Sol Duc Hot Springs. It's worrying the tourist venues. We can probably find some cats along the way."

"That will do. Have to watch out for the tourists, though. How close to the lodges?"

I shrugged. "Far enough."

Edward ran on, his spirits buoyed. I was glad we'd had the opportunity to chew the rag.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17: Dirty Boys' Night Out**

**Emmett's pov**

The hair was rough and scratchy on my face as I lapped and sucked the hot nectar down. I had scragged Winnie and Winnifred as they fed out of garbage dumpsters behind the resort. It was a gasser fighting off two at once. It made it a little more challenging.

When I'd grabbed the male and headed off into the woods for a rasslin' match, the female had followed. That made my life easier. I wondered if I'd ever get over hating bears. I guess I was a dip, still taking revenge for the bear that ended my human life. After all, my existence now was pretty tremendous.

To be honest, it wasn't so much about revenge. It was about the bear _beating _me. That first one beat me, and I wanted to rub it into the snout of every damn man-killing bear on the planet that I was much, much stronger than any of them now. It was a good outlet for my competitive streak, too. Bear fighting kept me from wrecking Esme's decor play-fighting with my brothers.

I uprooted a nearby sitka spruce, tipping it over to one side, and bunged the carcases into the gigantic hole. Edward came out of the trees with a mountain lion over each shoulder. He tossed his score in after mine.

It was a bang, having a whole night out with him. He was usually tied to Bella's apron strings. Not that I could say much about that, since I was tied to some, too. Not that I was _complaining_. I had the prettiest pussy on the planet. I knew, because I'd fornicated with quite a few of them before I met Rose.

"Emmett! Do you _mind_? You shouldn't refer to females that way. It's disrespectful."

"Aw, Edward, don't get bent out of shape. You know I treasure females. They were God's best invention."

"And I don't need those pictures running through my mind, brother. Save it for Rosalie."

Despite his wishes, I couldn't seem to keep my brain from running through some fornication I'd experienced in my pre-vampire days. I had been twenty when the bear scragged me, and I'd deflowered a few pussies since Mabel O'Hearn at the cat house made a man out of me at sixteen.

"Emmett, _please_?! Making me see that is practically incest. I need my dinner to stay down, thank you very much!"

"Uh, sorry Bimbo."

"Why did you guys start calling me Bimbo, anyway? I know you mean it as a compliment. I don't mind when you say it in front of family, but sometimes when you say it in front of the humans, it's embarrassing. It's not a compliment anymore, you know?"

"Well, Edward, it's just that you're so tough. You blow right through limitations that the rest of us just aren't strong enough to nix. When you started crawling through Bella's window, Jazz and I started marvelling. And then you kissed her. And, fuck, now you _French_ kiss her! We just couldn't believe how strong you got all of a sudden. You used to be so ... I dunno. Retiring. Then you meet Bella and become a bloody Errol Flynn movie hero type. The moniker for 'Tough Guy' seemed so fitting."

"Well, if you could try calling me Tough Guy in front of strangers, it'd save a lot of awkward moments, okay? Especially at the wedding. Especially if the werewolves are there."

"Okay, Bimbo, uh, Tuffy, we'll try. I'll talk to the others about it when we get home."

"Thanks a bunch, Emmett." Edward rolled his eyes.

"You're avoiding the subject."

"What subject?"

"Pussies."

"_Em-mett_!!!"

I talked at top vampire speed, to fit the message in before the bluenose stopped my mouth. "I just want you to be gentle on my baby sister, Edward. I'm fond of her. You _do_ know not to ram your way in, right? You do _know _to take it real slow, and hold still for a few seconds when you're in, 'til she's ready? Oh, and you do know what _signs_ to look for that she's ready in the first place?"

The Bimbo pulled his hair and buckled over. "_Aargh_! Emmett, if you do _not_ stop feeding me these pictures, I am going to feed you through a chipper-shredder _right now_. That would put a real damper on the day's festivities. _Kindly_ shut the fuck up. Yes, I know what to do. You do _not_ need to show me."

"But-"

"Nope!"

"But she-"

"Not!"

"Ed-"

"Don't even _touch _onthat subject!" he snarled.

I sighed, "Okay, Edward. I give up. Don't go bananas. I had to take a bash at talking to you, for Bella's sake."

"I appreciate that you want to help, Em, in a warped, unacceptable way. Now drop it."

"Okay." I'd done my duty now. "Where'd this big idea of the chipper-shredder come from, anyhow? It's your threat of choice these days."

"Bella."

"Who else? I'm so glad you're keeping her around forever, bro. She's such a gas."

Jasper skulked out of the trees, dragging a dead elk in each hand, and dropped them into our hole. Better hope the humans never moved the tree, or they'd think something really weird was going on in the natural world. We tipped the tree back upright together, and Edward held the trunk still while Jazz and I packed earth back around it.

"Things seem a little tense again, Em. What have you and the Bimbo been blabbing about?"

"He's a little mad 'cause I wanted to tell him about deflowering pussies." Unbidden, delectable images filled my mind. What can I say? It's all I think about most of the time. A chunk of dirt hit me in the mouth. I spit it out, and opened my eyes to glare at my little brother.

"Told you to drop it, _big _brother," he seethed.

"Just 'cause you were born and made first doesn't _ever _make you twenty, stud. And you are in trouble now." I reached down for a clod of dirt, and the kid started to retreat. I hit him in the back of the head. He turned around and lobbed another wad at me. I ducked, and it hit Jasper.

"Now you've done it, Bimbo!" Jazz threatened, snickering. He picked up his own handful of muck. We started chasing our brother through the black forest. He'd hide, and then we'd nail him. Then, he'd ambush us and get in another whack. Soon, we were all laughing uproariously, having a gasser. You couldn't play this kind of game with girls. They just didn't get a bang out of it. You needed brothers for this.

Around 4 am, we got kinda tired of playing. Before long, the humans who worked at the lodges, and the tourists who liked getting up to see the sunrise, would be up and about. Soon after that, Esme would be sending out a search party to get us back home. We discussed what we should do next.

The three of us were probably as filthy as we'd ever been in our lives. I couldn't imagine Jazz being much dirtier during the Civil War. We were absolutely caked on with grime.

"Esme would kill us for sure, going home like this," Edward said wryly.

"Clothes are ruined, but we should at least try to get some of the crud off," agreed Jazz.

"Back to the Hot Springs, boys?" I suggested.

"Are you _kidding_? The humans would catch us. It's too close to morning. Besides, we'd foul up the water and spoil it for them. And they'd know somebody had been there."

"Not the public springs, one of the secret ones," Edward stated.

"What secret ones?" Jazz demanded.

"What, you don't _know_ about any of the small ones? Bella pushed me in one, once. Not too wide, but plenty deep. It was great. We go back once in awhile, now."

"No guff!" Jazz was open-mouthed.

"C'mon. I'll show you." Edward darted ahead. We tagged along after him, grinning.

After about a half hour of running, we came upon a little dark copse hidden amongst old hemlocks, with a spring that was only about 3 feet by 6 feet, but deep enough to lounge in. We stripped off our duds and hopped in.

"Scrooch together boys! Make room for me." Jazz yelled, dropping in with a splash. We chuckled and splashed him back for a few minutes. That turned into a splash war, which really helped to get the muck off. Soon, we looked decent enough for company.

"Better try and wash these, since we can't streak home," Edward mused. He picked up his t-shirt and swished it around, sullying the water.

"We can always just go home in our underwear," I suggested. Both my brothers gave me meaningful looks.

"What underwear?" they chorused.

"Oh. I see. Well, best try and get these rags semi- decent, then." We scrubbed out our duds and laid them out on nearby rocks and logs to drip a little drier. Then, we sank back in the hot water for a soak.

"These are spanking fine digs, Edward," Jazz murmured.

"Yep. I can see we're gonna have to develop a system to warn each other who's using them," Edward smirked, reclining contentedly.

"So Bella brought you here, huh?" I asked.

"Don't even go there, Emmett."

"I only wondered how in the heck she found it," I protested.

"The females told her."

"The girls knew about this, and they didn't tell us?" I gaped.

"I figured they told you. That's why I didn't bother," Edward stated calmly.

"I got a bone to pick with Alice," Jasper moaned.

"Me, too. But with Rose," I said. Edward chuckled.

After we were all toasty, we got out. There was a bit of a skirmish as we tried to flick Edward's backside with our wet jeans, but Jazz accidentally connected with a sensitive spot. Edward yelped and protected the goods and begged to be left in working order for his honeymoon. We showed him some mercy after that. He'd been innocent long enough. It would be cruel to cause any more delays.

Clad in still-wet clothes, we ran north to the edge of the ocean, stopping near Tongue Point to watch the sun come up. We sat for awhile, lost in our own thoughts. Finally, Edward stirred.

"Well, boys, it's been a terrific night out. Thanks for your company, and your advice. Now, I think we'd better head for home before any of the women start to freak out."

"Yup. Time to put on the razzle-dazzle," Jasper sighed.

"Time for the romance," I grinned.

"Ladies love the weddings," Jazz smirked.

"And that's why their men-folk love them, too. Come on, Tough Guy. Your lily awaits."

"Woo hoo!" he cheered, cartwheeling into the morning mists.

**A/N: Please R & R**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18: Countdown**

**All belongs to Stephenie Meyer  
**

**Carlisle's pov**

Seven hours until my Firstborn's wedding: a day his mother and I had dreamt of for nearly 86 years. All the females we'd thrown him at! All the females who had thrown themselves at him! Not _one_ had so much as given Edward pause. And he'd told me what to do with myself, in his most polite Victorian manner. Then this accident-prone little force of nature had stuck out her baby finger and brought him to his knees. About time, too. Esme and I were as smug as cats with cream.

A bump, followed by boyish chatter, alerted us to the return of the groom and his brothers. Jasper and Emmett were joking about in the garage, chastising their wives for something. My wife and I looked at each other drolly. They'd better save any pranks for after the wedding. Esme and I decided to go and greet them.

I opened the connecting door from the kitchen for Esme, and she stepped through smiling. The smile warped into shock. I peeked around her to inspect the boys. Our three sons stood in the spot normally reserved for the Volvo, reaching to take off shoes that were so encrusted in filth that the best course of action would probably involve an empty oil drum and a match. Esme squeaked.

"What on earth have you been doing?" she exclaimed. Three dripping wet, cheeky faces looked back at her.

"We had a mud fight," crowed Edward, eyes shining.

"But we didn't bring home the mud," boasted Emmett.

"We washed up in a hot spring," Jasper informed us gleefully.

"We washed our clothes out, too, before we came home. Aren't you proud of us?" asked Emmett wistfully.

"Well, thanks for trying, boys. At least you _tried_. I'm always proud of you, Emmett. But what about your shoes?" Three sets of eyes looked down, and co-conspirators smirked and shuffled their feet. "You've left mud all through the garage. Is the driveway all sullied?" Three chagrined looks were exchanged.

"It's alright Mother, I'll sweep up after these brats," I promised. The boys grinned and tried to hug me. "No! You're all wet. Get off, foul smelly gypsies!" I beat the three giggling tough guys back. Edward and Jasper, giggling? Emmett, sure, but the others? Almost unheard of. They sounded like jocks who had just won a big game of football. It warmed the cockles of my heart.

"You'd better strip down in here and we'll bung those revolting garments into the washer right away," Esme grimaced. She waited expectantly and held out her hands for the clothing. The boys looked at her as though they didn't understand English.

"We did _intend _to strip down, Mom, but we're _not_ undressing in front of you. Go on ahead inside, and we'll put everything on to wash after we've changed," Jasper suggested.

"I notice you didn't bring down any clean clothes to put on. Do you intend to walk through the house in your birthday suits? The Denalis are still here, you know," Esme warned.

"What, they made it home after last night?" Edward asked sarcastically.

"Don't even ask." I rolled my eyes.

"Jasper, before I forget, I'd like you to be the one to pick up Phil and Renee at the hotel this afternoon," Esme stated.

"Of course, Mother, I'd be delighted," Jasper accepted, ducking his head like a good Southern gentleman.

There was a flurry of movement in the kitchen, then the door whammed open and Rosalie flew in. She was carrying a wash basket replete with tidily bundled clothing and clean shoes for the boys.

"Thank you, Rosalie," Edward beamed.

She handed the basket to Emmett, grimacing. "Where have you been? Ugh! You smell horrid."

"Aw, Darling, we've been all over the place. First we hunted, then we had a mud war, and later we went to the secret hot spring that you and your naughty sisters-in-law have been hiding from us. You are in trouble, Missy." Emmett waggled his eyebrows and glowered like a cinema villain.

"If you're very, _very_ good Emmett, I might let you punish me later. If you're bad, _I_ will punish _you_."

Emmett oohed, grinning cheekily, Jasper smacked his rear, and Edward said, "Ew."

Rosalie turned and looked over her shoulder at Emmett, and sashayed back into the house. "I'll tell Bella you're home, Edward. Boys, stay away from Alice's room. Alice is doing the Guinea Pig thing up there." Esme smiled perkily and flitted in after Rosalie. I presumed she wanted a look at Bella Wedding Barbie.

"Ooh,_ yeah_..." Edward smirked, eyes clouding over a little.

Jasper smacked him, "Tone it down, Tough Guy."

"Sorry, Jazz."

"No peeking, Edward! You promised," Rose snarled, poking her head back through the kitchen door.

"Okay, okay," he sighed, holding up his hands in surrender.

"So what did you see?" Emmett whispered.

"Alice is rubbing some sort of body scrub off Bella with a hot towel," Edward whispered back with a wicked glint in his eye.

"I'm going to tell Bella you're looking," threatened Alice, speaking at the high pitch inaudible to humans.

"Aw, give a guy a break, Alice. I only promised not to look at her_ in the dress_," Edward protested.

"Well, I don't want you seeing her all made up, either, so suck it up Groomzilla, and go do something useful."

"There are our walking papers," Edward pouted.

Jasper approached Edward and whispered in his ear. "Please, can you try to put a bit of a damper on it? That's my wife, you know." Edward looked at him in shock.

"Ew, Jasper, I can't believe you'd think I'm thinking about Alice that way just because she's touching Bella. She's my sister, Jazz. Since I'm reading Alice's mind, I can assure you that all I'm seeing is a hand. Otherwise, it would be gross. But I am _not _looking at her _purely platonic_ ministrations. I am looking at Bella and she looks really ho-"

"Please! Stifle it." Jasper wailed.

"All three of you, go and change, and then report to Esme for your To Do Lists." I shoved them back toward the yard exit and they left clods of mud in their wake. They'd be safer changing somewhere out amongst the trees than they would with the girls upstairs, and the cousins hanging about in the house.

Jasper gestured and bowed the boys toward the outside door. He and Emmett went outside. Edward walked very slowly and reluctantly toward the exit. His glinting eyes were searching upward again, and he was wearing that signature crooked smile that none of us had ever seen before Bella came along. I offered up a silent prayer of thanks for Bella. Jasper stepped back inside and manhandled Edward out. Edward nearly tripped over a trash bin in his reluctance to leave.

"C'mon, Tough Guy! If we don't get our chores done, my hard-working Prima Donna is gonna call off your wedding," Jasper reminded him with arched brows.

"I hear you," growled Alice.

"What are they saying?" Bella demanded groggily.

"Never mind," said Alice.

I shook my head, smiling. My sons were already gone.

I retrieved some dust bane powder and sprinkled it on the floor, and easily brushed up the evidence of the boys' footmarks. Then, I went outside and insured that there was no muck clinging to the walk. I finished by brushing down the verandah, and left the broom near the steps, ready to wipe them down again later. The sun was bright and pretty this morning, and I took a few minutes to sit on the steps and bask in the early rays, thanking God for my blessings, and saying one on Edward's behalf, for _his_ blessings, while I was at it.

Ten minutes later, Edward, Jasper and Emmett were back. I pointed them toward the kitchen. They bounded in, greeting their mother affectionately. I rose to follow, unbuttoning my cardigan and leaving it on the bench inside the door.

Jasper was immediately dispatched to fetch Renee and Phil, because Renee wanted to help out with the decorating. Emmett and Edward emerged from the kitchen, carrying boxes and tape and scissors and ribbons and Heaven knows what else. They plunked the boxes down in the living room, and then started assembling rows of folding chairs and covering them in formal white linen slips, which had stiff white sashes to be turned into crisp, tailored bows on the back of each chair. The chairs looked like dainty little ladies in waiting.

The Denalis stormed in, chattering gleefully, and gave friendly hugs and kisses to us all. Tanya took a white tablecloth out of a box and laid it out over the small table that would serve as the altar today. Carmen arranged a large white candle and two tapers with brass sticks in the middle of the table. I fetched my father's cross from the landing and affixed it carefully behind it.

It looked well there. The patina would look lovely in the candlelight. The cross had not been used for group gatherings in so long. I prayed that there would be a pleasing air to the ceremony. _Anywhere where two or more are gathered, becomes a church_, I quoted to myself.

Edward looked over at me, huffed a quiet laugh, and jerked his head meaningfully at the Denalis. I felt my eyes crinkle at the corners as I enjoyed an inward chuckle. _God loves them, too, son._ Even if they did really enjoy sinning. I doubted we'd get through the day without some ... _interesting _behaviour from one of them. I hoped they would behave themselves, just for today.

Esme marched into the room with Kate right behind her, bringing more boxes, and issuing instructions left and right. The females took small, white vases from the boxes and placed them at strategic points around the room. They took wooden columns and put them in the corners, and next to the altar, and at the foot of the stairs.

Edward took one frowning look at the columns by the stairs and shifted them apart, farther from the landing. Ah. All we would need would be for Bella to knock into one on her way down. He was so careful of her safety. It was a joy to see how solicitous he was of her welfare. As long as he wasn't getting carried away, at least.

I looked out the kitchen window. The long tables we'd brought in for yesterday's breakfast had already been removed to the tent outside. Eric Yorkie was lugging about a million pieces of deejay equipment and microphones out of his old van in the driveway. He looked a little tired this morning, and a sappy smile was plastered on his face. Too much time with Tanya, I mused. Hopefully he would do a good job this evening. Funny, we'd always thought he was gay.

Uh-oh. There was Tanya, now, bee-lining for Eric. They ran into each other's arms like they were starring in one of those awful, cheesie 70's films. There was truly no accounting for taste. I wondered how long the fling would last. They were snogging now. She bent him over her arm and he loved every domineering minute of it. I hated to spoil their fun, but there was work to be done.

"Tanya?" I hissed at vampire pitch, "Would you kindly save it for later? We have a wedding to put on here, and if Eric doesn't get his job done there will be no music for the reception." Tanya let Eric come up for air, and faced me, pouting a little. "Please? If you want to make Edward and Bella happy?"

Tanya nodded wryly, and stood Eric back on his feet. He was drooling a little. She took out a hanky and wiped him off, kissed his cheek, and led him back to his equipment, asking questions about how things worked and if she could help him set up. _ She needs a baby sitter_, thought I.

Esme ducked into her kitchen to inspect the various dishes and sauces simmering away there. A two tier, elegant wedding cake sat on a tea wagon in the corner of the room. Apparently, Bella had chosen chocolate pound cake, saying the traditional raisin fruitcake was 'gross'. Another tea wagon held a coffee urn and a large silver tea pot. Bulging trays of pretty finger foods were lined up in the refrigerator. Bags of buns and large salad bowls waited to be filled. I hoped the humans and wolves would find the food to their liking.

"What is with Edward and Jasper being so communicative with each other today? Had I been their kindergarten teacher, I'd have always put 'Does not play or share well with others' and 'Does not raise his hand enough in class' on their report cards."

"Bella's influence. I expect they will both be a lot easier to be around from now on." We both turned our heads, listening.

A car pulled up: Bella's Guardian. Jazz must be back with her mother and Phil. Yes, I could here them chatting now.

"-such a lovely hotel, this is almost like a mini-vacation." Renee appeared in the kitchen doorway, squealing. "Ooh, Esme!" she enthused. "Everything looks gorgeous. And the food, heavens, it looks fit for royalty."

"Here, Renee, be my taste-tester, would you? Phil, you too!" Esme handed spoons to the future in-laws, who were as thrilled as baby birds to take bites of anything she offered. They exuded praise. Everything was under control, I figured. I headed back to the living room.

My kids and the cousins, save Tanya, were now transferring boxes from under the staircase to the main part of the room. These were overflowing with hundreds and hundreds of fragrant white flowers. Some were loose blooms, others were arranged in large white pots. Each arrangement had a card with a number on it.

Jasper produced a floor plan with corresponding numbers on it, declaring where Alice wanted everything to go. Jasper ordered his troops where to place each item, and string the garlands, and sent the Denalis outside with more. Then, it was out with the loose blooms. Alice had a drawing detailing what flowers and greens were to be placed in each vase. Some were also to be woven into wreaths. There were even little circlets to go around the candles.

Instructions given, Jasper told the troops to start filling vases. Emmett snatched up a white iris, which fell to pieces in his hand. He squeaked and held up the denuded stem, trembling. "What do I do?" he whispered in a panic. "Alice is gonna scrag me!"

"It's okay, Emmett, I ordered extras just for this eventuality," Alice said consolingly. Emmett huffed out a sigh.

"What eventuality?" mumbled Bella.

"Never mind, sweetie. Just relax."

"Mmm," moaned my almost-daughter. Edward was looking at the ceiling again, tongue practically hanging out. The air was so thick with his desire that a cutting knife was becoming necessary. Poor Jasper.

"Edward, focus!" I reminded him. He started, and walked over to Emmett, removing the useless stem from his fingers.

"Now Em, if you want to help, you need to pick up the flowers really gently, see? Like this. And then you set them in here without jamming them together. You try."

Emmett gingerly picked up a new flower, holding it like it was made out of glass, and transferred it gently to the vase. He beamed. He took another flower and added it to the vase, getting more and more chuffed. Edward patted him on the shoulder.

"Well done, bro. I'm surprised you haven't done that before, though. Don't you ever pick wildflowers for Rose?"

"Rose isn't really big on smelling flowers in our room, Edward, since the guy who scragged her sent her flowers every day. I was surprised when she said Alice could use roses and violets today."

"It's okay Emmett, you can give me wildflowers if you want to," Rose said, appearing in the doorway with Bella's lunch tray, "but don't ever buy me any formal arrangements, or bring me any in a box. And no roses. But wildflowers? I think I'd like those from you.

"Oh, did you arrange those? They look really pretty." Rose touched the blooms delicately, sniffing them. Emmett looked shy and pleased. Rose gave him a peck on the cheek, and took the tray up to Bella.

"Mmm," Bella moaned an especially long, gutteral moan. Edward gawped at the ceiling again.

Emmett laughed, and elbowed him. "What's happening now?" he whispered.

"She's getting a massage. With coconut oil and one of those furry mitts."

"Oh, that's hot, Tough Guy. Hope you packed some of those do-hickeys for the honeymoon."

"Edward!" hissed Alice.

"Sorry," said Edward, sounding anything but. He adjusted himself, and cleared his throat, and started on another vase. Upstairs, we heard Rose present the tray of food, and Bella sit up to thank her. Edward went all glassy-eyed again. I decided an intervention was in order.

"Edward, may I speak to you outside a moment, please?"

"Uh, yeah, okay," he said, eyes still fixed on the ceiling.

"_Emmett_? Would you _stop_ encouraging Edward to cheat, _please?_" In her annoyance, Alice forgot to modulate her speech for Bella.

"Huh?" said Bella.

"Nothing, nothing. No worries. Eat up, dear, you need your strength today."

I dragged Edward out to the front porch, and prepared to conduct an embarrassing conversation with him in my head. Edward was definitely off camping somewhere in _his _head, and he was busy pitching a tent for Bella. He looked at me, like any seventeen year old would look under such circumstances. _You need to take care of that before the ceremony starts_, I told him. _Several times, if necessary, until you can keep your head._

Edward gaped at me, laughing incredulously. "Did _you_ just tell me to do what I _think_ you just told me to do?" he demanded.

"Clear out, you delinquent." _And don't come back until you're thinking with the right head._ He squawked, shaking his head in disbelief. I pointed out to the trees and told him to scram. _Do you want to stand up in public like that_? He paled a bit, waved and turned to walk away, looking back every so often, still incredulous. _Boys! _thought I, returning to the fray.

Inside, the house was rapidly transforming into a faerie garden, perfumed and ready for the story to begin. It was breathtaking. It was marvellous. The kids were standing around, admiring their work. Eleazar, however, was frowning, with his fingers on his chin.

"It wants for something," he mused.

"Nonsense! If you've done the job properly, it is perfect," said Alice.

"Huh?" asked Bella.

"Don't worry your beautiful face about it, darling. Go back to sleep," suggested Alice.

"Kay," sighed Bella.

"Let's go check on Renee and Phil," I said. We all paraded through to the kitchen. Those who had not seen it, admired the cake and the other foods being prepared. The sun had gone in, it was now overcast and threatening to rain. We kept going, out the kitchen window, down the tree, and around the back of the house.

Renee and Phil were chatting with Tanya and Eric, who were melded together at the long tables under the tent.

"So how long have you two been dating?" asked Renee. Uh-oh.

"Since last night," squealed Tanya enthusiastically, nuzzling Eric in a sideways embrace. He leaned over and licked the side of her face. Ew. There was truly no accounting for taste, I reminded myself. Renee looked very taken aback.

"Oh," she said faintly.

Suddenly, footsteps sounded, and Angela Weber came around the back of the house, dressed in jeans, with her hair beautifully braided, carrying a garment bag over one shoulder. "Hello everyone, I thought I heard you out here," she smiled. I rose and made the introductions.

"Why don't you go and see how Bella's holding up?" I suggested.

"How long has she been here?" Angela enquired.

"Since 7 am," I told her.

Angela chuckled, "I bet she's a little tired of being Guinea Pig Barbie by now."

"Guinea Pig _Wedding_ Barbie," I corrected her. She chuckled again.

"So where's the groom?" she asked, looking around.

"I sent him off on an errand. He's so hyper and distracted that he was getting underfoot."

"Edward. Hyper and distracted? That's not like him. He's always so controlled. He must be over the moon."

"I dare say that's a fitting description," I agreed.

"So where do I find the girls?"

"Alice's room, second floor."

"Thanks. I'll go see if Bella needs a tranquilizer now."

"Just don't make her dopey. We don't need her to fall," warned Emmett with a wink. Angela waved and took her leave.

"So where is Edward?" Emmett asked.

"I sent him off to get his head in order," I said smoothly.

"Which one?" smirked Jasper.

"Both of them. So how was he last night?"

"Pretty nervous at first," said Jasper, "but he settled down after we discussed it a bit."

"Good. I'm glad he's in such a ... positive mood today," I smiled.

"Me too," Jasper smirked, "He's just so happy to be tying the knot, he's forgetting to be anxious."

"Shy baby brother Edward. Who'd have thought he'd ever come out of his shell!" mused Emmett.

"Bella's fault," stated Jasper.

"Thank God!" Emmett said with an eye roll.

Rosalie came streaking across the lawn. Her hair was all fixed into an up-do, and she was barefoot and wearing her bathrobe. She slid to a halt in front of our table.

"Alice says to tell you all to get inside and primp yourselves up. There are only two hours left and the photographer will be here soon. She says to tell the men that you are going to suffer most seriously if you fail to put in some effort to look elegant. She does not want scruffy louts in wedding photos. Wait. Where's the groom?" Rosalie looked around, panicking.

"Speak of the Devil, and he shall appear," intoned Edward, swaggering into the yard. He was definitely calmer. One might say, he had himself in hand. "Wow. Look at these decorations. You guys did great, it looks stunning."

"Thanks, everyone has worked hard. Be sure and thank Mother as you go through, and you should see how well the living room turned out."

"I'll be sure to check it out on my way upstairs. Alice still holding Bella hostage?"

"Don't expect to hear from her 'til the ceremony," Rosalie growled. "And no peeking."

"What's Alice up to, anyway? Surely she can't fill two whole hours yet. Bella looks lovely all the time. Why would Alice need this much time to make her up?"

"Don't even go there. Although it does seem to be helping Bella's nerves. Alice has been working a lot of relaxation techniques into the preparations. And she's getting carried away. She's behind schedule. I'm going to go up and offer to do Bella's hair."

"Rosalie once worked in a Paris salon," Edward told Renee. She nodded appreciatively, not realizing it was a slip. Rosalie was passing for a 21 year old, and could barely have completed training as a hairstylist, never mind find work out of country. But Renee didn't catch it. Edward headed inside, humming.

I set the wheels in motion. "Well, people, it's time to get the show on the road. Be back out here at two o'clock, to meet the photographer." Everyone rose, murmuring, off to get themselves washed and dressed. The time was getting close.

"Aaargh! Tanya!" Edward bellowed. I hurried in behind Tanya as fast as humanly possible.

"Yes, dear cousin?" Tanya asked nervously.

"These decorations have nothing to do with this kind of ritual, okay? Please collect every last one."

"You must believe me, I had nothing to do with this," Tanya said seriously.

"Who put these out?" asked Edward, bemused, holding one up.

"I am sorry, cousin. It was I. When you said this was to be a romantic day, I thought a little boost would be in order."

"Thank you, Eleazar, but _no _thank you. Please remove every last dildo from the decor, and put them in your room before Renee sees."

Eleazar nodded and went to work, cheerfully collecting the sparkling, white, be-ribboned sex toys that had been discreetly added to all the decorations.

"Okay, people, I'll be down at 2 o'clock for pictures. See ya!" Edward bounded up to his room.

"He didn't even freak out," I said incredulously.

"If he were human, he'd be comatose," Jasper whispered in my ear.

**A/N: Over 1000 of you have now read this story, and I only have 26 reviews. Please take a moment and tell me what you like, and what you'd like to see happen in the upcoming stories. I answer every person who writes to me. Please gimme some love. I'm lonely.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19: Warm Feet**

**Caution: Lemons. Edward needs to get married. Soon.**

**Edward belongs to Stephenie. I can't have him, but _maybe_ he can be borrowed temporarily ;D**

**This chapter refers to the Biblical story of Onan.**

**Edward's visit to the hot spring with Bella takes place two weeks before the wedding, between their return from Niagara in "Minibusted", and the first chapter of "Leashing the Victorian".**

**3 hours before the wedding**

**Edward's pov**

I couldn't believe that I made it through an entire night without Bella. I couldn't believe I made it through an entire night with _Emmett and Jasper _and didn't want to kill anybody. I couldn't believe I wasn't dying of anxiety right now. I couldn't believe what a lucky sap I was.

This was not normal. Chalk it up to one thing: Isabella Marie Swan was going to be Mrs. Edward Cullen in less than 3 hours.

I had decided, during my night out with my brothers, that I would accentuate the positive and avoid spoiling my own day by dwelling on my fears. Nothing to fear but fear itself, I told myself. Despite everything in our history, Bella was not afraid. She trusted me. So I thought maybe I should try trusting myself for once. After all, I was hardly the man I used to be. I had learned to be gentle in so many ways. This was just the next level up of self-control.

We'd done about all the practising we could do, and the test runs didn't go as badly as I expected. I thought I had a fairly good idea now of how much physical pressure I could safely exert. Bella was always right. I was always wrong. Everyone who loved us was certain I'd keep her safe. In my heart, all I wanted to do was keep her safe. So, I would do it. End of story. All I had to do now, was stop over-thinking it.

The problem now, in that insanely zig-zagging world inside my head, was that my feelings had ricocheted too far in the other direction. Bella was upstairs, and seeing her was taboo, and I wanted to see her very, very badly.

We were getting out the chairs, and I could see Bella, from inside Alice's head, getting rubbed down with a fluffy towel, her skin rosy and warm from the friction. Her delectable backside quivered as the towel buffed her body, and she moaned contentedly into the bedding on the massage table that Alice had set up. It was all I could do not to run upstairs and take her right then like an animal.

But I had demanded marriage, and I was going to have my ring on Bella's finger first, no matter what that meant sacrificing. And to enable me to do _that_, my entire family was frustratingly focused on keeping my mind above my waist. And in my illogical state, I didn't want to oblige them, even though they were helping me get what I asked for in the first place. However, I was so thrilled to be getting my way about the wedding that I couldn't feel annoyed. What a muddle.

A short time later, Bella was getting a massage from Alice. Considering how shy Bella was, despite her repeated exposure to my insane family, I was surprised at the level of trust she displayed to Alice. Whatever Alice was doing, it was working to annihilate Bella's stress. That took a lot of stress off me, too. And I was managing not to peek too much until Alice broke out the oil.

Then, I could not help myself. Alice had obtained one of those furry pink mittens made out of wispy, feathery-looking stuff, and she was running it up and down Bella's front, using it to apply massage oil. And Bella's breasts were glistening with the warm oil, flushing pink and perfect while she relaxed upon the table. I was fixated. Dead and gone to Heaven. Edward Cullen is taking a brain vacation. Do not disturb.

Carlisle took it upon himself to step out of his own dignified, very British shell and remind me where my priorities should be. I couldn't stand up before an altar with a hard on, for goodness's sake. It would be embarrassing for everyone, especially Bella and me. And I wouldn't be thinking about pleasing God, which was sort of the point of the whole wedding. I was preoccupied with carnal thoughts of pleasing Bella and having her please me. So it had to be dealt with. Pronto.

But I still couldn't believe that it was Carlisle, not one of my brothers, who told me to go and get my rocks off and my thinking cap on. I looked back at him a couple of times as I walked away from the house, flabbergasted. My father was resolute. He didn't even squirm when he ordered me off. Nobody would ever believe it. I didn't get it on tape.

Once I cleared our drive I took a short run to the east, just far enough out that I was certain nobody would stumble upon me and nobody could hear me. I walked through the misty, verdant woods, soothingly cool in the humid August heat. Maple, sitka spruce, redwood, sequoia, oak, birch. I was immersed in the earthy forest scents that were a longtime source of comfort. The canopy of leaves was high, its shade pleasant as the leaves whispered to me. I wandered through the forest, absorbing peace.

I loved the Olympic Rainforest. It was the best place I'd lived since the change. Dark, jealous of its secrets, hushed and comforting as the womb. It was difficult to remain keyed up here, away from the bustling house and the proximity of Bella. But I had to be able to behave myself once I went back there.

I found a secluded spot, one that would be nice for a picnic with Bella. A massive fallen tree was lying almost flat, supported by rocks and vegetation. I touched the bark, wondering at the span of its life. It had stood here for centuries, adding to the goodness of the world. Perhaps it was as old as Carlisle. And now it was gone, as all things are fated to pass.

Back in time, when I walked in the sun, people didn't do this. They didn't touch themselves. They thought it sinful. Onanism. Onan sinned by spilling his sperm, and God struck him dead. As a boy, I believed that was why he died, because that's what I was taught. It was how I was raised. We were repressed, I and all of my peers. And I'd had to unlearn that teaching. Historians would have said that I came from the Edwardian Era, oddly enough. They didn't know my parents. Mother and Dad raised me to be Victorian, through and through.

Being a basically insecure sap with a tendency to over-think everything, I had had to do the research before I could do the deed. What I discovered was a new interpretation of Onan's sin, one that I found much more logical than what my father told me. Onan wasn't killed for spilling his seed. Onan was put to death because God told him to get somebody pregnant, intending a certain seed to make a certain human, and Onan pulled out and murdered his kid. It wasn't the sex act that offended, it was the purposeful destruction of that specific individual that God wanted born.

But I was a Victorian, and I was afraid my interpretation was wrong. I'd done terrible things in my 105 years, because I'd thought everything hopeless. Then, love came along and bit me, and I had to consider the possibility that I wasn't damned already. I was a God-fearing monster. Accent on the fear. So I didn't want to take any chances on offending Him anymore than I'd already done just by continuing to breathe after my number was up. Well, not _breathe_, exist. So I thought I'd better ask to be excused for all the lecherous thoughts surrounding me today, even if I hadn't said a prayer for myself in about 80 years.

Now what should one say to the Almighty at a time like this? I paced as I thought. Memories of rote prayers I'd said as a boy just didn't seem to fit the situation, and I really couldn't remember how to make up a prayer. The past was too murky. I'd have to wing it. I guessed it wouldn't hurt to get on my knees.

"Hello, God? Please forgive me for being a monster all these years. I'm hoping that I still have a soul and that you'll let me come to your Heaven with Bella someday, even if I am a mass murderer. I don't do that anymore. And on account of my attempting to be good and pay attention to You and to my promises during the ceremony, please do not send me to Hell for jerking off, because I am trying to keep the monster under wraps. Sincerely, Edward. Oh, and please don't let me hurt her when we have sex." I got up, brushing moss off my black jeans. Oh, I forgot something. I got down again. "Amen."

I hoped that would be good enough for Him. I felt sort of like I'd taken out an insurance policy on my life, not knowing whether the salesman was reputable. And the wording wasn't very good. Oh, well. What more could I do? Better get at it before I ran out of time and somebody came looking for me.

I pulled myself up onto the log and lay down, admiring the faint light filtering through the lacy leaves above me. I bent one leg and put my foot flat on the log, and let the other leg dangle off to the side. Not the most comfortable couch, but pretty. A sanctuary. I concentrated on breathing in and out, relaxing.

Not long after we got back from Niagara, when touching her was still new and I hadn't mastered much self-control, Bella told me we were going out for the day, and gave me coordinates on a map, and a compass to follow. She carried a knapsack and wouldn't let me peek inside. Two weeks ago. Only two weeks ago, I had not yet touched her most sacred parts. Two weeks ago, I was still afraid of losing my mind and biting her. I had only actually gotten far enough past the fear of killing her to penetrate her with my hand six days ago.

Two weeks ago, Bella had clambered onto my back, and I had transported us both to the hot springs. The one we now habitually frequented had been just behind the trees where I set her down. She had led me over, and pushed me in. Emmett had wondered how a little human girl like Bella had managed to push me in. The answer was simple. I was a gentleman. When a lady pushed me, I let her. Clothes, shoes and all. Yes, that had been fun. And, naturally, being a gentleman, I had insisted on dragging my lady in with me. It was polite to play when asked.

Bella had alternately spluttered and shrieked with laughter. She should have known by then that if she dished it out, she'd better be ready to get some back. Bella was incredulous to find herself waterlogged, still wearing shoes. I had laughed like a naughty schoolboy playing pranks. She smelled so amazing wet. Much more intense than when she was dry. The water ran in rivulets out of her hair, down her face and neck. There was no reason on the planet not to lick it off, I reasoned. I rubbed myself through my vintage button-down jeans, remembering.

Bella's breath had hitched. I had continued to lick downward, making contact with her nipples through the stretch cotton t-shirt. She was not wearing a bra. I spent a lot of time teasing those nipples through the fabric with the fronts of my closed teeth, and her hands were on my chest, under my cotton shirt, pinching my nipples and meandering through the hair.

I undid my jean buttons and caressed myself, thinking about how I had pulled the t-shirt over Bella's head, still floored every time I got to see those new toys of mine, which had floated buoyantly in the hot water of the spring, making themselves wonderfully visible to me at all times. I had helped Bella to remove my shirt. She had been the one to undo the buttons. I would have torn them in my haste. That day, I had worn khakis with a zipper, thank goodness, and it had taken little effort on her part to coax me out of them.

Her string-cinched shorts had been easily disposed of, and we kicked free of our shoes and rubbed up against each other in underwear that had turned transparent. The crystal clear water hid nothing, and we moaned as we traced the outlines of our mate's anatomy through the feeble barrier of clothes. She had run her thumb over my cotton-covered glans, licking my collarbone, and I had pressed my face into her fragrant hair.

I copied her now.

She had rubbed me until I drizzled pre-cum through the cotton, until it became slippery and moist despite the water surrounding it.

I was wet, rubbing the moisture over my glans with my thumb.

Bella had rubbed me until I thought I would go mad, while I palmed her breasts in circular motions the way she liked. Then, she had released me, groaning, from my restrictive shorts. She gripped my shaft and pulled her hand down its length, milking me. Hard stroke down, flutter back up. Twice. Polish the head with a flat palm, approach from below for another hard pull. Twice. Polish the head, approach from above. Stroke. Bella repeated the pattern while I leaned into her neck, tickling it with my unsteady breaths.

I mimicked her strokes, watching the perfect memory play out in my head.

Bella's movements had become more demanding. Faster and harder, pulling down my engorged dick to thrust into her hand against the outside of her thigh. She had rested her wet hair on this monstrous shoulder, so close to my murderous teeth, while the venom flowed unstoppable and the irresistible scent of her pricked in my throat. And yet I had resisted succumbing to temptation, for love and decency.

I was getting close to climax.

I thought how I had touched her _down there_ for the first time that day, through the underwear, cupping her sex gently in a trembling hand that did not yet know how to love her gently. I had stroked her with the lightest touch I could manage, and she moaned and ground herself against my fingers as I worshipped her. I couldn't believe I was touching her privates. Say the proper names, bluenose. Her _vulva_, her _clitoris_. She had rested her soft face against my chest.

Her pulsating jugular had been so close to my jaw. I had witnessed her trust and her bravery. Suddenly, to my shock, she had cum, crying out my name as she stood before me in the hot pool. Her cries echoed up into the treetops. I had looked into her eyes, pupils so large she looked like a hungry vampire, and I had seen eternity.

I came for her then, shattering my life as usual and rebuilding it for her, and I came for her now.

I rested.

I thought about the next chapter of our life. _One_ life, linked forever. I wondered how it would be. I wondered if I could do a good enough job, balancing passion and care, to please her. I would not waste the time being afraid. I would be strong for Bella. I would be _enough_.

Bella, in a white dress. Bella, dressed for me. Would it be a sleek, classic summer gown? Sleeveless, clinging, with a juliet neckline, perhaps. Or a ballet tutu with a tightly fitted bodice? Or something more akin to my era, with a high forbidding neckline and a hundred pearl buttons down her back . . . Each picture had its appeal. I _wondered_. I wouldn't be wondering about it for much longer.

What would she wear under it? Secrets that I would be the only man to know. Oh, Hell. So much for taking care of my problem. It was back with a vengeance. Fine, let's go again, you villain.

The morning after my menfolk and I got home from that leather convention, I snuck onto the internet and did a little shopping of my own. No leather undergarments for Bella. Not yet. She was too young, and leather was too tough. I wanted something softer, something more demure, but still sexy. I found what I wanted, bought it, and it arrived the next day. It was now in her suitcase. I wondered if she would like it. I fondled myself, fantasizing about Bella in her gift.

It was black. A mini-dress that the catalogue called a chemise. It had thin shoulder straps of black velvet, and was banded around the chest with another, wider strip of black velvet. Thin ribbons of the velvet ran down the sheer black lycra bodice, hinting at restriction where there really was none. The ribbons passed the velvet waistline and ran all the way down to the hem of the short, tight skirt. It reminded me of a corset, but the pretend bones would be the only things that were not see-through. And it had a matching black, stretch velvet thong. An oldm tired joke ran through my head: lingerie made by Seymour. _See more_.

I imagined my love wearing the negligee. The ribbons would partially obscure her nipples, turning them dusky. The black thong would cover her from me. The rest would leave little to the imagination. Black strappy heels? No, bare feet. Hair up and sophisticated? Maybe not. Down, and blown about. Untamed, like her spirit. Just for me. Hair in her bedroom eyes, half-shut with desire, and hair stuck to parted lips, swollen from kissing. _Oh, yeah._

From the back, her tight ass shadowed by black mist. Running my hands up her skirt. My long fingers around her tiny waist. Kneading Bella's glutes. Stroking fingers up and down the backs of her thighs. _Unh_. And all the time, inhaling her mesmerizing scent. La mia cantante. Sing for me. Let the very strings of your heart, the fibres of your being, sing for me. And this silent heart resonates with yours. I sing for you. My heart. My life. My humanity is you.

We would twine our limbs in the sun, my alien form reflecting prisms of colour onto her face, her skin glistening with sprayed droplets of ocean water. And she would look at me like she liked what she saw. She _would _like what she saw. She loved me. She would praise me, not caring we were different. Loving me because I was made just for her, as she was made just for me.

She would straddle me, adore me, and I would run my hands up and down those hot, silky thighs. Pull down her head and kiss her full mouth. I would kiss her most intimate places. She would be moaning my name. _Yes._ For me. Outside, in the sun. The heat seeping into our bones. Together. Alone with my mate.

We would swim in the warm ocean, buoyed by the waves, and I would keep her safe. I would play with her in the waves, and chase her to the shore just like in some old movie, and take her, rolling in the sparkling surf. A place in the sun, for us. An incorruptible memory. With her head thrown back and my name in her mouth. Wearing my name. Wearing _two _of my rings, gladly. My wife. And I would wear a ring from her. Nothing else. Nothing hidden. Rings for Infinity.

My mate, transformed. Like me. Unrestrained. My match. Synchronicity. Passion. Speed. Power. Strength. Durability. Vibrancy. Untiring. Unending. Unchanging. _Fuck,_ _Yes!_ I wanted it all, and Bella, my gift, was determined to give it to me. How did somebody like me get so lucky? Maybe Somebody up there liked me after all.

Bella changed: pale, ethereal beauty, strong as diamond, soft in all the right places. Rough in all the right ways. _Oh, yeah._ Fast and hard. Wild and deep. _Grr. _Take her from behind while she screams for me. Hold her up against the wall. Bang her hard. Drive her home. _Oh, God. Soon._ Yes. _Fuck. I'm cumming for you, Isabella. Now._

I poured myself out, then I lay back on the fallen tree, panting and gasping, sated for the moment, wondering if I had poured _enough_ of myself out to make it possible to get through the day without embarrassing myself. I lay there quietly, not thinking of anything particular. Cummed out. Drugged up on whatever passed for endorphins in this body. I tucked myself back into my button down jeans and put my hands behind my head, exhaling as I drifted.

I felt lighter. The best part was knowing that being with Bella was _actually _making me lighter. Less dark inside. Responsive to the light and to life. Shunning the dark and its demons.

There was a small sound nearby. A rustling, followed by the familiar padding of hooves. I lay there, unmoving. I had gorged myself in the night, and had no hunger. I would rest for a few minutes, I decided, and then go home. Hopefully, my inadequate prayer would be heard. I ignored the step and scent of the herbivore. It would live another day.

The hooves thudded against the ground again. One animal, alone. Odd, it had not noticed me.

A patch of white glimmered in the dark shadows. _What was it?_

It stepped out of the shadows. I lay there, propped up on one elbow, in awe. It couldn't be real. It walked slowly up to me, showing no fear, and sniffed my face. It was mere inches from me. _Impossible._

It was an albino deer. I _must_ be hallucinating. Its kin had been my prey, these many years. It snuffled at my face inquisitively, and I sniffed it back.

Tentatively, I inched my hand forward and tried to stroke the deer. My hand brushed the fur on its cheek. It was real. I gasped. A living animal had not presented itself willingly to my touch these eighty years past.

The instant I touched it, the deer bucked and bounded away. It was gone.

A sign. I was certain of it. A symbol of measured acceptance for a Doubting Thomas. It would be dangerous to assume it meant forgiveness had been granted me, but I would take it as an acknowledgement that I was on the right track. A meaningful symbol for me. A reminder to appreciate what I had and who I was and that sacrifices were made for me so that I could live. A reminder to keep steady.

A profoundly personal reminder. One I might spend the rest of my days contemplating. One I would never reveal to anyone for the rest of my time on Earth. Maybe, if I were lucky, I would tell Bella about it someday in Heaven.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20: Ablutions**

**Nothing belongs to me. I'm just borrowing Guinea Pig Ken and his wedding play-set, complete with supporting toy family members and guests, from Stephenie Meyer. She owns the best toys.**

**'True Colors' and 'Halo' belong to their respective owners. Lyrics from azlyricsdotcom.**

**The wedding party's fashions are inspired by designs from the movie 'Titanic'. If you google it, you will discover lots of sites that show the original costume designs.**

**Edward's pov**

I hurried up the stairs to my room, bypassing Alice's and avoiding breathing in Bella's scent. Bella was clad in her bathrobe now. Time to stop peeking. I didn't want to see her in the dress until she came down the stairs. I wanted the full impact.

I shut myself in, uncharacteristically locking the door. There were too many visitors about, and some of them just did not seem to understand that a shut door meant 'knock before entering'. I stripped out of my clothes and shrugged into my robe. I noticed that my tux had been taken out of the garment bag. It was hanging, aired and pressed, on my hook beside the closet.

I walked to my bathroom and docked my iPod with its small speaker unit, starting Bella's Playlist. I turned on the water for a hot bath. I took Bella's shampoo out of the cupboard, along with my scrub brush and a fresh wash mitt, and set them out with my preferred brand of sandalwood soap.

Once, I had asked Bella what I smelled like to her, because vampire scents were multi-layered and complicated to distinguish. Naturally, she had pressed her face right into my neck, and breathed me in. Then, she had listed out various things that she could smell on me. I was impressed that she got so many of them right. I didn't think her nose would be so sensitive.

"Um, new leather and coffee with whipped cream. Primal, male musk. Sandalwood. Sunshine, like the smell when you lie in a patch of it beside a window in the middle of winter. Toasted almonds. Something in the undertone. . . dark chocolate? And a high-note. Spicy. Hmm, what is it . . . maybe allspice. There's more, but I can't distinguish it."

"Well, I'm pretty impressed you can smell all that. You're going to distinguish scent a lot better after your renovations. I will be curious to see how sensitive your senses are then."

"So, aside from the obvious, what do I smell like to you?"

"Aside from the obvious, which would be 'delectable human', mostly lavender and freesia. Do you know their meaning in the language of flowers? The Victorians were famous for sending secret messages to their crushes with flowers. Lavender means devotion. Freesia means friendship, trust, sweetness and thoughtfulness. Fits you to a tee. What else do I smell?

"Mmm. Linen. Silk. The earth after it rains. The strawberry of your shampoo. Chocolate lip gloss. Other primal scents that shift with your mood and state. Sleepiness. Excitement. Anticipation. Arousal. They each have their own distinct colour." Her scent had shifted, then. Deepened, as she pulled me down for a kiss.

Oh, crap. Here I was, daydreaming my way into dangerous territory again while performing the seemingly innocent task of applying shaving cream. Apparently, my mind was annoyingly preoccupied with a certain train of thought today. Well, eavesdroppers be damned. I would have to take care of the problem again before I joined people downstairs.

I picked up my old-fashioned silver straight razor and pulled it, rasping, down my cheek. Down the other cheek. Smaller strokes on the jawline. Up from the throat to the chin until all the skin was smooth and perfect. Down the upper lip, and up from the cleft in my chin to the lower lip. I splashed water to remove the last traces of foam, and blotted my skin with a small towel.

I stepped out of my robe, shut off the taps, and sank into the steaming water, listening to Cyndi Lauper:

_You with the sad eyes  
Don't be discouraged  
Oh I realize  
It's hard to take courage  
In a world full of people  
You can lose sight of it all  
And the darkness, inside you  
Can make you feel so small_

_But I see your true colours  
Shining through  
I see your true colours  
And that's why I love you  
So don't be afraid to let them show  
Your true colours  
True colours are beautiful,  
Like a rainbow_

_Show me a smile then,  
Don't be unhappy, can't remember when_

_I last saw you laughing  
If this world makes you crazy  
And you've taken all you can bear  
You call me up  
Because you know I'll be there_

_And I'll see your true colours  
Shining through  
I see your true colours  
And that's why I love you  
So don't be afraid to let them show  
Your true colours  
True colours are beautiful,  
Like a rainbow_

_So sad eyes  
Discouraged now  
Realize_

_When this world makes you crazy  
And you've taken all you can bear  
You call me up  
Because you know I'll be there_

_And I'll see your true colours  
Shining through  
I see your true colours  
And that's why I love you  
So don't be afraid to let them show  
Your true colours  
True colours, true colours  
Come shining through_

_  
I see your true colours  
And that's why I love you  
So don't be afraid to let them show  
Your true colours, true colours  
True colours are beautiful,_

_Like a rainbow._

I sighed a small, contented sigh. My Isabella loved me. It had taken me a long time to get the message. I had trivialized her feelings. Italy had changed that, permanently. And I would never forget the message, after it became clear to me. After all, I had perfect recall.

I wondered how much of my feelings for her came from the vampire, and how much stemmed from the human. Mind, Bella's soul was much more like mine than like an average human's. She was fixated on me, too. I couldn't see that changing, and before long, she would have a mind like mine, anyway.

The music shifted to Beyonce.

Vampires maintained relationships the way most humans failed to do. Maybe it was because of our inability to forget the initial sensations stirred by love. Maybe, it was our tendency to fixate on ways of being, and not to change habits. Whatever the cause, the effects were profound and lasting. Our very beings worked to serve our interests, and there was nothing more fascinating than a mate.

I would never take Bella for granted. I would never outgrow her, or be bored with her, or forget why she was important to me. She was the centre of my universe. I could _not _but love her. Everything I'd whispered to my comatose heart at the beginning had been a lie. I had deluded myself. There had never been a choice. Then, Bella, miraculously returning my interest, had whispered at that dormant heart to wake up. And I had not looked back, and would never do so.

_Remember those walls I built?  
Well, baby they're tumbling down  
And they didn't even put up a fight  
They didn't even make a sound  
I found a way to let you in  
But, I never really had a doubt  
Standing in the light of your halo  
I got my angel now_

_It's like I've been awakened  
Every rule I had you breakin'  
It's the risk that I'm taking  
I ain't never gonna shut you out!_

_Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby, I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace  
You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby, I can feel your halo  
Pray it won't fade away_

_I can feel your halo  
I can see your halo  
I can feel your halo  
I can see your halo  
Halo, ooh ooh....._

_Hit me like a ray of sun  
Burning through my darkest night  
You're the only one that I want  
Think I'm addicted to your light  
I swore I'd never fall again  
But this don't even feel like falling  
Gravity can't begin to pull me back to the ground again_

_It's like I've been awakened  
Every rule I had you breakin'  
It's the risk that I'm taking  
I'm never gonna shut you out!_

_Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby, I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace  
You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby, I can feel your halo  
I pray it won't fade away_

_I can feel your halo  
I can see your halo  
I can feel your halo  
I can see your halo  
Halo, ooh ooh.....  
I can feel your halo  
I can see your halo  
I can feel your halo  
I can see your halo  
Halo, ooh ooh.....  
Halo, ooh ooh.....  
Halo, ooh ooh, oh........_

_Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby, I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace  
You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby, I can feel your halo  
I pray it won't fade away_

_I can feel your halo  
I can see your halo  
I can feel your halo  
I can see your halo  
Halo, ooh oh.......  
I can feel your halo  
I can see your halo  
I can feel your halo  
I can see your halo  
Halo, ooh oh.......  
_

I fondled myself as I reminisced and listened to the song. Bella whispering secrets. Sharing a private joke at the expense of a classmate. Bella skipping away from me, a daisy-chain I'd fashioned in her hair. Bella shrieking with laughter, trying to play hide and seek, knowing she couldn't outrun me. Me, catching Bella around the waist as she ran, swinging her in a circle. Swinging her up in my arms to kiss her. Bella in a white eyelet sundress, dancing in circles so the skirt flared. Bella putting a finger to her mouth, playing a joke on Emmett. Bella putting a finger _in_ her mouth, teasing me. Bella flirting with me, and me pulling her back to my side, chucking. Me tickling her. Bella giving me a playful kiss in apology for teasing. Chocolate eyes laughing in the rain.

I beat the monster until he threw up. He was really very hard to manage, but I would have the upper hand, I declared.

I submerged myself in the steaming water, pulling fingers through my unruly hair to saturate it. I lathered my head, relishing Bella's strawberry scent, and dunked myself again. My eyes and ears were still gritty from the clinging evidence of my brothers' game. I scrubbed them diligently with the bath mitt until I felt clean. Then I retrieved my soap and ran it over slippery skin.

Much more presentable, thought I. And I had better hurry up and finish making myself pretty, because I had to get outside for the photographer soon. I rose from the water, pulled the plug, picked up a fluffy velour towel and patted myself dry. I donned my robe, and dried my hair. Looking in the mirror, I added Alice's styling products, and combed my hair straight, in hopes of keeping the mane relatively tame for one day. Heck, now I looked like a kid. I scruffed it up a bit. Better.

I opened the bathroom door and peeked out, listening. Nobody in sight. Nobody disturbing me. Nobody playing a last joke. Well, that was a first. I padded softly into my room and locked the door.

On went the tight, plain briefs I had chosen as an aid to stop something from saying hello. On went the grey, silky socks. I looked at my pale grey suit, feeling triumphant. I dressed with care, mindful not to break the buttons on the crisp shirt. I slipped into the lined trousers, smoothing the pleats and arranging the pale silver-blue cummerbund at the waist. Remembering one reason why the present culture was better than those past, I fiddled with the cravat until it was properly tied.

I pulled on my jacket, pleased with the sleek and classy cut. I had not worn tails since Emmett and Rosalie's original wedding in 1937. The front of the jacket was short, meeting the waist. The tails dropped straight down behind. These suits were slimming, and would make everyone look taller. I took the shiny black shoes, twins of ones I had worn in Chicago as a boy, out of their box. I guess Alice had ordered them from Italy, from one of the upcoming designer brats she fostered, because leather soles were rarely used anymore. I sat on the black leather couch, tying my laces.

There was a soft tap at the door. Carlisle. I went to admit him. Being my Best Man (wasn't he always), he was resplendent in a tux matching mine. He regarded me fondly, and I looked fondly back at him. Then, to my surprise, he pulled me into a hug and held me tightly. My arms snaked around him, and I rested my face on his shoulder. Hah. He would always be taller than me.

My chosen father did not release me. He had a message for me. _I am so glad I chose you. I'm so proud of you. You have achieved more than I ever imagined you would. We had always hoped for a life like this for you, and we were afraid it would never happen. I guess everything worth having is worth waiting for. Bella is such a darling. You deserve her, so much. Your life together is going to be amazing. Everyone loves her, and everyone loves you. We don't know what we'd do without either of you. Everything is going to be fine. And we will enjoy sharing your joy forever._

Carlisle pulled my bashful face up to look in his eyes. He looked like he would be crying if he could. I felt my throat close up. "I love you, my son. You will always be my eldest _and_ my youngest."

I nodded and put my face back on his shoulder, pulling him close. "I love you too, Carlisle, and I'm glad I'm part of this family." His breath hitched, and I kept from crying with difficulty. "Now, don't get me started, or I'll be a mess down there," I blinked furiously.

Carlisle chuckled and held me at arm's length. He took something small from his jacket pocket, and fastened it to my shirt front. A large, square-cut diamond solitaire.

"Oh, Dad. You shouldn't have." I examined it. Ostentatious.

"A memento. Don't forget what I just told you."

"No, sir, I won't," I said gruffly.

"Now, we'd better get down there before Alice starts screaming," my Dad joshed.

"I heard that!" Alice warned.

"Huh?", asked Bella.

"Never mind, dear. Hold still, you're going to smear the liner."

Carlisle and I looked at each other, smirking. He put his hand on my shoulder, and guided me to the door. "Bella's being so patient today. For you. Ready for the chaos?" he enquired.

"Ready," I claimed.

Before I went out to meet everyone, there was someone special to see. I flitted down to the kitchen, and waited for my mother to look up from her work. She raised her head, and saw me there. Her hand flew to cover her mouth. Then, she gave me a watery-looking smile.

"Oh, Edward. Just look at you. Isn't he just beautiful, Carlisle? Bella is going to blush when she sees him. Oh, I'm going to cry!" _Look at his eyes. They're like glowing, molten gold._

"We'll have none of that crying, thank you Mother. I've already threatened Father to keep it under wraps. You two are going to get me going." Esme came over and touched my cheek, brushing my collar as she chuckled self-consciously.

Esme reached back to the kitchen island, and picked up a clear plastic box. She opened it, presented my boutonniere, and pinned it to my lapel. I noticed that it had the kind of pin you find on a brooch, one that closes and protects the sharp tip. No straight pins for this wedding party. Heaven help any bleeding guests!

I ducked my head shyly to smell the flowers. Red rosebud, a pair of tiny white orchids, and baby's breath. They spoke Victorian to me: Everlasting love, pure and lovely, a love with beauty, refinement and fertility. Well, the last bit was rich! An inside joke from Alice, without a doubt.

Esme pinned Carlisle's boutonniere to his lapel, and kissed him sweetly.

"Two o'clock," Carlisle said, checking his ancient pocket watch. "Picture time. Are you coming, Esme?"

"Oh, yes. Just let me shut off a couple of things." Esme bustled about the kitchen, turning down elements and checking her ovens. She untied her pinafore and threw it down on the counter, smoothing her hair and her skirt. Her dress was the prettiest colour I have ever seen on a redhead, sort of a salmon-tinged pewter. I wondered what the colour was called. The off-shoulder short sleeves seemed to collect and drape fabric around the bodice. It was long-skirted, with an over-skirt and a pleated underskirt like my mother Elizabeth used to wear. The under-skirt was pale salmon in colour. Esme wore strappy white heels under it.

To keep the humans in the dark, we took the front way out and walked around to the back garden instead of taking the speedy route out the kitchen window. Outside, Angela was the first person I saw, looking splendid in her silvery blue long dress. Angela noticed us and pointed us out to Ben, who was wearing a sharp black suit.

The vampire groomsmen turned from their conversation with the Denalis, who were also now dressed to kill, and regarded us with approval. _Looking good, stud! _ Emmett looked bigger than ever in the tux, and Jasper's long legs looked even longer. We looked so snazzy, if I did say so myself, that it was worth the risk of appearing in pictures to preserve the moment.

Renee and Phil came up and she hugged me and clucked like a mother hen. Phil shook my hand and thanked us for sending Jazz to get them. He held Renee's purse, which I asked Emmett to take in and put on her chair in the living room. Renee pulled out her own camera and had Phil take pictures of us.

The photographer took pictures of the male half of the wedding party, and pictures of me and my brothers, and pictures of me with my parents, and pictures of each family member, and Heaven knows what else. I got him to take pictures of me with Ang and Ben, and one of Ang and Ben on their own. He took pictures of Renee and Phil, and pictures of me with Renee and Phil. Carlisle had pictures taken of the Denalis, in groups and separately, and with all of us. I don't think there was anyone present who didn't get in a picture. Holy cow! The girls hadn't even been in one yet. Renee talked the entire time, snapping photos. Wow. She was wired.

Oh, there was Rosalie, greeting everyone. The photographer grabbed her, and took pictures of her, and pictures of her with Emmett, and pictures of her with my parents, and pictures of her with me. The photographer seemed to really like taking pictures of her.

By 2:30 pm, guests were starting to arrive. Charlie, looking dapper, brought Mr and Mrs Weber and their twin boys, who chased each other around on the lawn after a ball. More pictures:the Cullens and Charlie. Charlie was not impressed with posing. Carlisle got him a 'Vitamin R'. He probably figured Charlie needed to calm down.

Mike and Jess came to say 'hello', and Seth brought Sue and Billy over. I greeted Seth in a friendly manner, my hand on his shoulder. More pictures. Then, Seth went to play ball with Angela's brothers.

Dad's administrative assistant and her husband came to chat. Then, his supervisor and the head of the hospital shook hands and started shop talk with Carlisle. Dad's nursing team also came, looking strange to me in normal clothing. Tyler arrived with a new girl named Tandy whom he'd met at his summer job. She had just moved to Forks. Austin came solo.

Everyone had cameras, and they were all using them. Holy cow! I'd never been in so many pictures in my life. What must movie stars feel like, under those flashbulbs all the time?

At ten of three, Rosalie got Em and Jazz to start herding people toward the house. A few minutes later, Mr. Weber came up and put his hand around my arm. "Ready to do this, Edward?"

"You bet, sir. Let's go." Finally! Thank God! I led the way, with a spring in my step.

**

* * *

A/N: okay, we are nearly there:D **

**The next chapter will be Charlie's pov, just to let everyone in on his thoughts as his baby girl steps up to the altar. After that, we will hear from Edward once more.**

**The actual wedding will take place in the next story in the series. Better to break this monster up into manageable chunks. I find 40 chapter stories unwieldy, although "Little Angel" may attain that number.**

**Angela is poking me for attention, she has been neglected for a month and she is frustrated to tears. Her fans have been quite vociferously requesting an update, so if you want E & B to get married, kindly whine until I comply. The squeaky wheel gets the grease:)**

**Review, and tell me what you are looking forward to reading, and I will integrate some ideas and give you credit. I answer every review. Reviews are love.**

**jmolly**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21: Father of the Bride**

**All belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Events taken and quoted from Ch.3 of BD. Please don't sue me, we've waited a long time to see Edward and Bella get married, and we love them. **

**In case anybody's wondering, Bella says it was a mistake to have Alice as her only bridesmaid (BD, page 47). I have corrected that mistake. Why? Because I am arrogant:D**

**For the processional, my pick is "A River Runs Through It" by Yiruma. You can find it on YouTube.**

**With thanks to justmereading for suggesting that we hear from Charlie again.**

**Charlie's pov**

At 7am, Alice arrived and whisked Bells out the door. I have no idea what time Bells got up this morning, because pancakes were waiting on the table for me when I got up at six. So, I had the chance to have a last breakfast date with my girl before she stopped living under my roof forever. I kept repeating to myself that I was gaining a son, not losing a daughter. And as son-in-laws went, if I had to have one, Edward was a pretty good catch.

I'd be glad when this whole wedding ordeal was over. Too many of the females around here were giving me grief. First, there was manic Alice, ordering me around and over-scheduling Bells and Edward to the point they were worn out and anxious. I was glad they'd spent Wednesday night with me. It felt surprisingly good, having the boy here. Too bad I hadn't figured that out a long time ago. I'd have had a lot more time with them both.

It seemed like since Renee got to town, I'd been fielding anxious questions from her. Not that I wasn't fond of her, but I was getting kind of tired of calming her down. I guess her night at the Cullens didn't turn out so well. The kids, bless them, had played practical jokes on her. I bet Edward was feeling a little smug about that, because he hadn't been happy about giving up his room.

First Renee wrecked his car, then she complained to me about his crazy family. Well, the Cullens were good people, and I never had a lick of trouble from those kids. Not like the other jokers in town. Anyway, the latest from Renee was a worry about whether she was going to get any grandchildren. I guess Edward had made some remark about most of the family being sterile, and Renee had freaked out.

Edward had told me pretty much the same thing. He wasn't expecting to have kids of his own, but I knew how important family was to him. After all, he wanted to settle down at 18 like me. Unlike me, he was marrying somebody dependable who wouldn't walk out on him. Anyway, I could see them adopting kids once all their schooling was done and they were older. Edward idolized his father and I could imagine him following in Carlisle's footsteps. That's what I told Renee, and she had been satisfied. Who'd have ever thought flower child Renee would be anxious to be a grandparent? God knows, she hadn't been the most responsible parent, not that I'd done much better I suppose. I dunno how Bells turned out so well.

Bells was awfully jittery this morning. I eyed her sternly over my pancakes and cereal. I needed a lot of energy to get through the day so I figured a big breakfast was a good idea. Bella fidgeted in her chair and bounced her knees up and down impatiently while I ate.

Bells reminded me to pick up Mr. Weber at 3pm. I really knew she was nervous then, because the wedding was set for 3pm and I was supposed to pick him up at 2:00. I didn't correct her though. I didn't want to make her mood any worse. She was looking really drawn and pale. I had observed her enough on Wednesday, though, to know she was excited to be marrying Edward. Bells glowed when they discussed it. So, it was obviously a case of nerves because she was going to be the centre of attention today. She'd fretted a couple of times that she would fall down their staircase. I'd suggested she buck tradition and wear flat shoes or sneakers, like other girls were doing. She reluctantly admitted that she wanted to look her best, even if she was being a danger magnet.

As I finished up my cereal I couldn't avoid looking at my fishing gear. A whole Friday off work and no way to fill half the time. Bells caught me looking.

"Dad, no fishing today."

"I've got nothing to do this morning, kid. How am I going to pass the time?"

"You have to make yourself presentable, Charlie. Alice and I will have your hide if you show up looking like you threw on your new suit at the last minute." I grimaced. I knew she was right. Maybe there'd be a game on TV that I could watch.

There was a brisk knock, and Alice appeared in the kitchen. I guess Bells had unlocked the door. Her hair looked pretty. It was all smooth and curled around her face like one of those 1920's movie stars. Trying without benefit of long hair to keep to the theme, I guess.

"Hey, Charlie!" she sang. "I hope you're fed and ready to go, Bella, because there's a lot of work to be done." Bella rolled her eyes.

"I'll get my purse. Don't be too rough on me this morning, sister. I didn't sleep all night with Edward gone," she grumbled. I eyed Bells anxiously. Sure enough, she had black circles under her eyes. Hopefully, Alice wouldn't wear her out this morning.

"Bye, Dad. See you at the Cullens'. Three pm. Don't forget."

"Sure thing, Bells. You have a _relaxing_ morning now, hear me? Alice, you take care of my girl."

"Of course, Charlie. Bella's happiness is my top priority today."

"Good. See you later girls." Bella kissed me on top of my head and I harrumphed, blushing.

They left so fast you could feel the air rush through the room, and I was left sitting in the kitchen wondering what to do with myself. Dishes, for a start.

I had just put the pan and the breakfast dishes in hot water when there was a honk in the driveway. Who could it be? I peered out the kitchen window, then rushed to the door in delight. The Vanquish was sitting in the driveway and Edward's brother Emmett was standing at the door with his hands in his pockets.

"Well hello, Emmett. How are you on this fine day?" I shook hands with him. They were cold, like his brother's. No surprise there. They had the same condition. I ushered him into the living room.

"Morning, Charlie. I'm great. Everybody at our house is really excited, though. Especially Edward. I'm glad I got to step out." Emmett grinned at me and sat, looking too big to belong indoors. I was certainly glad he was a nice fellow, because I'd hate to have to deal with him if he were a delinquent.

"So Edward's feeling upbeat today, huh? Bells was pretty nervous and tired this morning. I don't think it's cold feet, she just doesn't like the attention."

"I'm so glad she's gonna be my little sister, Charlie. She's a gas. Life was dull before she came along."

"I can relate to that, Emmett."

"Edward is over the moon this morning. I don't think he slept all night, he was so hyper. He didn't think this day would ever come."

"So did ya get him to go to his bachelor party?"

"Oh, yeah, but it was pretty tame. Not like mine. Dad said he'd flay me alive if I did anything to embarrass the kid. We took him out to the hot springs for a relaxing evening."

That was a relief.

"Quiet kid, isn't he?" I mused.

Emmett grinned, "Yeah, the complete opposite of me. But he's also high strung."

"You don't say," I smirked.

"Yeah, we're hoping Bella will mellow him out a bit."

"I think that might actually work. Edward relies on her a lot, doesn't he?"

"Yup, but she relies a lot on him too. I think they'll be well-balanced once he gets used to the idea that she'll be around all the time."

There was another honk from the driveway. Emmett turned around and looked out the window. His monstrous jeep was out there.

"Oh, here's Rose. She's gonna drive me back home." These Cullens sure did appreciate their wives. It was reassuring to know there was a proper respect for women in that family. Edward seemed to worship Bella.

"Hello?" Rosalie called from the doorway.

"Come on in, young lady, and let's see you," I called. Emmett rose to his feet as his lovely wife entered the room, beaming. As always, I was struck with the movie star beauty of her. She was like a 1940's ingenue, with that curtain of blond hair. Emmett and Rosalie sat together on the loveseat.

"Hello, Charlie. I'm afraid we can only stay a couple of minutes. There are a lot of chores to do at home. Did you give Charlie his stuff, Em?"

"Oh! I almost forgot to give you the keys to the short, Charlie. Here ya go. Don't drive off and get lost today, though, okay? Bella would not be impressed. Carlisle got you this cell phone. It's easy to use. This is on, this is off, see? Don't hold the end button too long or the phone will shut right down. This is your phone number. You have to buy these little cards to get airtime. There's a $50 credit on it now. It's all set up for you. Here are the instructions and warranty."

"Gee, Emmett, that's really good of Carlisle. Now I feel bad. I don't have a gift for him or Esme."

"You're family, Charlie, so expect surprise presents once in awhile. And Carlisle's taste is really Spartan. He's also richer than the queen of England, and he likes to spoil people. If you thank him for the gift with a little enthusiasm, he'll appreciate that the most."

"Well, he doesn't need to spoil me, but I do appreciate this. Bells has been bugging me forever to get one of these, but shopping for one just seemed such a hassle." I pocketed the phone and put the booklet down on the coffee table.

Emmett eyed his watch. "Well, Charlie, I suppose we had best get going. Have fun with the short. Edward hopes you'll enjoy it, but he says not to get caught speeding, Chief. Guess he doesn't want Mark to throw your ass in jail." I chuckled.

"That surely would be embarrassing. You give my love to Edward and Bella, and I'll see you just before 3 o'clock." I shook hands with the young people again.

"Bye, Charlie. It's going to be a wonderful day," Rose smiled.

"I'm sure it will. Alice will murder anyone who tries to spoil it," I joked.

Emmett and Rose took their leave. I turned and looked at the sink of dishes. They could wait, I decided. I took the keys and virtually ran to the Vanquish. This was going to be fun.

I popped the locks, which snicked back smoothly, and climbed into the sumptuous leather seat. I sat in it for a moment, rubbing my hands together in anticipation.

"The name is Swan, Charlie Swan," I said to myself, and turned over the engine. The baby purred like a kitten. Bond had Pussy Galore, so I could nickname the Vanquish 'Kitten' while I had it, right? I pulled out of the drive, waiving at neighbours walking their dogs, and headed for the road to La Push. I'd get Sue and Seth, I decided, and take them for a spin.

I pulled up in front of Sue's shortly after 9:30 am, and knocked on the door. Seth answered it, wearing nothing but cutoff shorts. He had major bed head.

"Hi Charlie," he smiled, perplexed, "What brings you here so early?"

"Edward loaned me the Vanquish. I wondered if you and your Mom wanted to go for a drive. Maybe we'll grab a quick lunch in Port Angeles if she likes."

"Sick! Mooooommm!" Seth bellowed, running for Sue.

Sue came out shaking her head ruefully at the young pup. "Hi, Charlie. You're out and about early. Thought you'd sleep in on your day off."

"Well, you know how it is. You get used to waking up at a certain time of day, and your body refuses to acknowledge weekends and holidays."

"Yeah. It's painful. So what's up?"

"Edward loaned me the Vanquish, and I wondered if maybe you and Seth wanted to go to Port Angeles for the morning. Have lunch, on me. Then I'll bring you back here so you can get ready for Sam to pick you up."

"That's a lot of running around, Charlie, considering you have to pick up the Webers and Sam has to pick up me, Seth and Billy. Why don't Seth and I bring our stuff to your place, and get dressed there? It will save a lot of running around, and Sam can pick us up there after he has Billy. We'd be able to take more time in Port Angeles."

"That's a great idea. Where's Leah? Would she like to come with us?"

"She's out with friends. I think she'd rather be on her own today, anyhow. She's not going to the wedding. Can we get a takeout, and eat outside at the port?"

"An even better idea. Go get your stuff," I ordered.

"Come on, Seth. And don't forget to brush your hair." Sue said as she retreated down the back hallway. Seth rolled his eyes, looked at me meaningfully as if to say 'women', and hurried to his room. I sat down and had a look through Sue's magazines. _Eliminate clutter. Redecorate your bathroom._ Nothing entertaining. I heard Sue call Sam to alter the driving plans.

Fifteen minutes later, Sue had her purse, make-up case and garment bag, and Seth had an armful of clothing. Sue chastised him and made him hang up his dress shirt and pants on a hanger, looped his tie around the neck of the hanger, and added it to her garment bag. Then, she dropped her dress shoes in the bottom of the bag. I took it from her and put it in The Kitten's trunk.

As I came back in, the phone rang. Sue picked it up.

"Hello? Billy, hi. What's up? ... You what? He what? Oh, Billy! Hey, Charlie! Jacob is coming home. He called Billy this morning." Sue's eyes were shining. I hadn't seen them sparkle since long before Harry passed away.

I whooped and ran over to Sue, and picked her up and gave her a quick kiss on the mouth. Then, I stole the phone right out of her hand. She stood under my arm, fingers on her lips, looking stunned. Seth said something like 'ew'. I barely registered it. I was busy firing off questions at Billy, who sounded as joyful as I felt.

Ends up, Jacob had been invited to the wedding by Edward, and even though he didn't think he could stand to go to the ceremony, Jake was considering dropping by during the reception. Billy said Jake had been wandering around somewhere in Saskatchewan, Canada. Jake was in transit and not expected to be home until close to suppertime.

Billy was still planning on going to the wedding. He said he wasn't going to sit around waiting for Jacob. Since I had to pick up four of the Webers and drive them to the wedding, Billy had arranged for Sam to pick up Sue and Seth and drive all three of them to the wedding. I'd drive them home after the reception.

Angela had the family car for the day, since she had to be there early and it didn't make sense for the rest of her family to be there hours ahead of time. And Ben would drive himself so he could take Angela home late, after her family left in their own car.

I said goodbye to Billy and told him how happy we were for him. Then, I hung up Sue's phone and swung her around in a circle. She hugged me, and then stepped back shyly. Gee, it was good to see the sparkle back in her eyes.

Sue grabbed some cans of pop from the fridge and bunged them into a cooler bag. We chattered about Jacob as I added the bag to the stuff in the trunk. Seth approached me with a slightly anxious look.

"Um, Charlie? If I bring my ball, would you mind throwing it around with me?" Gosh, he looked like he was scared I was gonna reject him.

"Sure, Seth, go get it. There's nothing I'd like better. There's nobody to toss one around with at home."

Seth grinned delightedly and ran to fetch his ball. Soon, we were ready to go. Seth squeezed into The Kitten's minuscule back seat, and Sue joined me in the front, and we were off.

It really was pleasant spending time with them. Sue fed me so often, with Bella out so much, that I took the chance to treat her back whenever possible. Sue was pretty easy company. She was quiet, but she knew some funny stories. And she wasn't hard on the eyes, either. Today, she had on a right pretty white t-shirt and jeans, and her shining hair was pulled back smoothly in a clip.

I held the door as Sue got in the car. "Thank you, Mr. Bond," she said. Fancy her knowing what the Aston Martin meant. The drive was great. I took a sneaky look around when we got to the straight stretch of road coming into the town, and floored the accelerator. Sue and Seth grabbed onto the handles, shrieking with laughter. I joined in, and after a mile I glided smoothly back down to the speed limit.

We pulled into Port Angeles around 10:30, and I found a place to park. We spent a little time window shopping, with Seth running ahead of us like a frisky puppy. At 11:30, we went into the Italian restaurant and ordered a lunch to go. Sue and I got broiled chicken sandwiches on crusty panini buns, with salad for her and calamari for me, and Seth ordered a cheeseburger and fries.

We took our food down to the Port, and pulled up at a picnic bench to eat it. The sun was out for once, and we made the best of it. Sue relished her sandwich. The pop from the cooler was ice cold.

"You know, Charlie? I could get used to this."

I looked at her, considering my reply more carefully than seemed necessary. "Me, too, Sue. It's been a terrific morning. We should do this every weekend. Sundays, maybe."

"It's a date, Chief. I'll hold you to it."

"You won't have to coax me, ma'am. It's an honour to escort you places."

The sun retreated behind the clouds, and it got a little misty. We cleaned up our containers and walked them to the trash cans, and Seth took a few fries to feed to the gulls. Then, I threw the football around with him for awhile. Kid had a powerful throw. He was really enjoying himself. So was I. Good entertainment for Sue, who sat clapping and whooping at Seth and teasing me when I missed the ball.

"Holy cow, Charlie! Look at the time. It's almost one o'clock!" Sue suddenly exclaimed.

"Holy smokes! Good thing we brought a sports car. We'd better get a move on." I scooped up the cooler and grabbed Sue's hand. Seth caught up and hurried along beside me.

We sped back to Forks as fast as I dared, and then I unloaded their stuff into the house. I hopped into the shower while Sue got changed in Bella's room. Then, I took special care shaving and styling my hair. I even used the stupid hair mousse that Alice left for me. At least it wasn't gloppy or crunchy like the crap we used in the 80's. I hurried into my room to get dressed. There was a tentative knock at my door.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Charlie, can Seth have a quick shower? He's a little sweaty from playing ball."

"Sure, but tell him to rush. We have to be out of here in 15 minutes. Sam will be here and Reverend Weber will be waiting for me."

"Thanks."

By the time I was dressed, Sue was waiting in the living room by the fireplace. She was looking at the pictures of Bella and me. She turned, quietly, to look at me.

"Wow, Charlie. You look amazing," she stated.

"You took the words right out of my mouth," I replied. Her dress was a soft yellow brushed silk, with a little matching jacket, and her hair was loose around her shoulders. She never wore it down ordinarily. Wow.

I stood quite close to her, admiringly.

"Charlie, can you do me a favour today?"

"Sure."

"Don't tell Bella or the Cullens that Jacob might be coming."

"Why not? Bells will be glad."

"Charlie, Jacob is impulsive, and he's very likely to change his mind about going. You don't want Bella looking for him all day, and then being disappointed. Bella has assumed Jacob is gone for good. She let him go. Let her concentrate on Edward today."

"Jacob's been suffering."

"Jacob was immature. Bella has been very direct with him for ages. She told him flat out that she only wanted to be friends, that she loved Edward Cullen, and that Jake's attentions were not welcome. He refused to accept it. It was extremely disrespectful."

I grimaced. "Well, that's sort of my fault. I encouraged Jacob because he's Billy's boy, and I didn't accept Edward. Edward has magnanimously forgiven me. He's a good young man." Sue looked at me a little warily. They still didn't trust the Cullens at La Push.

Sue regarded me seriously. "It was not your fault. It was Jacob's, and only Jacob's. Bella didn't know how to discourage him, and she was too soft-hearted for her message to penetrate that stubborn skull."

I nodded, accepting the logic. "Okay, Sue. It's Bella and Edward's day. I'll keep it secret. We'd best warn Seth not to say anything either."

Seth came storming down the stairs in his white shirt and dark pants, tie in hand. He had white sneakers on. "I can't do this up!" he yelled in a panic.

"Come to Mother." Sue smoothly tied the tie. I wished I had not done up my tie already.

I clued Seth into the plan to keep Jake's return hush-hushed for the day. "Edward will probably secretly be glad if Jake doesn't show up, anyhow."

"That's not true, Charlie," Seth piped up. "Edward says he has no hard feelings about Jake. He feels sorry for him. Edward would be glad if Jake showed up. It would please Bella."

"Edward is a saint," I decided. A car honked outside. "Alright, you two. Sam's here. Ready to go?"

"Sure, Charlie." I escorted my guests out to Sam's truck and greeted him and Billy. Billy's eyes were bright and he had a hopeful smile plastered on his face. I wished him a happy day. Sam got out so Sue and Seth could climb carefully into the back seat of the cab.

"Thanks for spending the morning with me, I enjoyed it," I said, leaning into the cab so Seth could see I meant it.

"The pleasure was ours, Charlie. Thank you for taking us," Sue said.

"See you shortly at the Cullens." I turned to go, then turned back. "Sue? Save me the first dance?"

Sue blushed. Holy cow. The colour on her skin was beautiful. She nodded shyly at me.

Let's get going before Alice freaks out." I waved and raced over to The Kitten. I gunned the motor and whipped onto the street.

Before long, I pulled up in front of the manse. Mrs Weber, Reverend Weber, and their twin boys hurried down the walk to the car. The wife and kids crawled into the back seat and squished up, and Mr. Weber got into the front.

"Thanks for picking us up, Chief Swan. It made Angela's day much easier."

"Call me Charlie," I ordered.

"Only if you'll call me Aaron. This is my wife, Beth, and my sons Isaac and Joshua."

"Hi Beth, Isaac, Josh."

"So Charlie, it's the Big Day. Are you ready for it?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," I muttered.

"Edward is a remarkable young man. And your daughter? Very wise for her years. It's been a treat doing their premarital counselling."

I eyed Aaron with surprise. "They did counselling with you?"

"Six sessions with me are mandatory before I'll do a wedding. We don't want unprepared people jumping into marriage, do we?"

"No, we don't. Bells never mentioned this to me." I felt a little hurt.

"Probably embarrassed. A lot of my couples don't tell anyone. They consider the subject private."

"Oh."

"Anyway, I don't think I've ever met a couple that is more compatible or more dedicated to making a healthy marriage."

"Well, that's encouraging, Aaron," I admitted.

"Yes. I've never had a couple hand in weekly essays before. Very studious, aren't they?"

"You've got that right. They're heading to Dartmouth in the fall."

"Ivey League. I wasn't surprised when they told me. But all the way to New Hampshire? You'll miss them."

"Aw, they'll be back at the end of the school year. They're going to live with Edward's brother and sister-in-law, and come home on the holidays.

"A close knit family, the Cullens."

"Yeah, well they moved a lot before they came here. They depended on each other for company, and they still do. Great man, Dr. Cullen." I stated.

"Indeed. Very philanthropic. He's paid for a lot of needs in this town. The kids give a lot to the community as well, both in donations and in service. But don't tell anyone I said so. The Cullens don't want any attention for it."

"What did you think of the Roast? Some rehearsal, wasn't it?" I smirked.

"It was a little raunchy, but hilarious nonetheless. I've had other rehearsals where they wore costumes and played sexy games and teased the couples, but the Cullens have style. I wouldn't have figured Edward and Bella would be so gracious about it, but they surprised me. It's good, because if they have a fault, it's a tendency to take life too seriously and flagellate themselves when things aren't perfect. I was encouraged when they let go of their inhibitions and had some fun."

"That was fun, for sure." I turned The Kitten into the Cullen's drive. Once again, there were zillions of strings of white twinkle lights wrapped around the trees. I wondered how they got electricity all the way out here, with all the huge tree roots and rocks around. Well, money might not be able to buy happiness, but it got you twinkle lights in the middle of the woods.

As I slowed down in front of the house, Jasper directed me to park in the garage. Holy smokes, they had a lot of fancy cars.

Jasper looked better than I'd ever seen him. Sometimes, he dressed goth, and at others he wore Western shirts and cowboy boots. But today, he looked sharp in his tuxedo. He shook hands with me for the first time. Cold, like the others. Big surprise.

"Hello and welcome, Charlie, Mr and Mrs Weber, boys," he drawled. "Everyone is out back except Alice, Bella and Esme. People are starting to arrive. Come and greet the family."

"Lead on, Jasper. How are the preparations coming?"

"There isn't much left to do but enjoy ourselves. All the hard work has paid off. It's going to be a corker of a wedding."

"Alice."

"Absolutely."

We rounded the corner of the house and I saw a fairly substantial number of people, standing around under a tent, shooting the breeze and enjoying beverages. Suddenly, I was nervous. I had to walk Bella down a flight of steep stairs in front of everyone. And Bella would be so worried about falling.

Edward saw me and drew me over to the group of people with whom he was speaking. Joy shone out of Edward like light out of a bulb. If he couldn't have kids it would be a real shame, because he and Bells would produce the most stunning offspring on the planet. I greeted Renee and Phil. Sue, Billy and Seth joined me, and after Seth had his picture taken with Edward he ran off to play with the Weber boys.

Carlisle walked over and shook my hand, and then deposited an opened beer bottle in it. It was thoughtful. I thanked him for the beer, and for the cell phone. With enthusiasm. Carlisle was pleased. After a few minutes of small talk, he wandered off to talk to some co-workers. Then, I told Edward about my morning with the Clearwaters. He was pleased that I'd already gotten some enjoyment out of the Vanquish.

Ten minutes before three, Rosalie appeared and ordered her brothers to start seating the guests. Renee dashed off, wanting to see Bella. Rosalie ordered me to go up, too. She followed me into the house and stopped at the piano to warm up her hands. Then, she started playing for the guests. Since I'd heard Bella's CD of Edward playing, I knew she wasn't quite of his calibre, but she was still very good.

The living room had been transformed into a church and it smelled wonderful with the fancy white flowers everywhere. Esme came out of the kitchen, dressed in a stunning period gown, and asked me to please get Renee to come and take her seat. She pinned a boutonniere to my jacket, and went to chat with the guests. She took her place beside Carlisle. I breathed a deep breath and climbed the stairs to Alice's room. Renee was there, bubbling over about this and that. Then, I looked at my baby girl.

Bella was stunning. I was completely blown away. Was this the same kid who went fishing with me such a short time ago? She couldn't be all grown up. But she _was_, I realized, with soft dewy eyes and a flawless complexion and a nice figure. She had grown up. I felt a lump in my throat. I cleared it, loudly, to announce my presence in the doorway.

"Hi Dad," Bella smiled radiantly.

"Hey, Bells. You look ... beautiful. Renee? Esme said it's time you got settled down there."

"Well, Charlie, don't you look ... dashing!" Renee didn't have to sound so shocked about it. Sue hadn't sounded shocked, just pleased. I couldn't help but respond a bit testily.

"Alice got to me."

Angela was standing behind Bella, admiring her. Angela looked very attractive, too, in her silver blue dress. When did all these girls grow up?

"Is it really time already?" Renee said nervously. "This has all gone so fast. I feel dizzy."

So did I. But I wasn't going to let on. Bella looked nervous enough. Her hands were shaking.

"Give me a hug before I go down," Renee demanded. "Careful, now. Don't tear anything." Renee released Bella and rushed to the door, then turned around and came back.

"Oh, goodness, I almost forgot! Charlie, where's the box?"

I stuck my hand in a pocket and came up empty. Oh, no. It had to be somewhere. Oh, other pocket. That's right. I heaved a sigh of relief and handed the box to Renee. She opened it and showed the contents to Bella.

"Something blue."

"Something old, too," I added. "They were your Grandma Swan's. We had a jeweller replace the paste stones with sapphires."

Bella's eyes teared up and she answered us thickly. "Mom, Dad ... you shouldn't have." She put a hand up near her mouth, looking like she would cry.

"Alice wouldn't let us do anything else," Renee complained. "Every time we tried, she all but ripped our throats out."

Bella giggled a little hysterically and Alice took the combs from their box and put them in Bella's hair.

"That's something old and something blue, and your dress is new. So here, that's mine and I want it back." Alice whipped a white garter at Bella. She blushed. So did I.

"There. A little colour. That's all you needed. You are officially perfect," Alice cooed smugly. Then, she rounded on Renee.

"Renee, you _need _to get downstairs."

"Yes ma'am." Renee blew Bella a kiss and disappeared. Alice sent me to grab the flowers. They were sitting in a box on Emmett and Rosalie's bed. Wow, nice room. They had a lot of old-fashioned, heavily-carved furniture that looked hand-made. I fetched the box back to Alice's room, setting it on the floor in the hall, and took the two smaller bouquets to Angela and Alice. Then, I retrieved the larger one for Bella and moved the box out of the traffic area.

Rosalie started playing the Pachelbel and Bella started to panic. "Easy, Bells." I turned to Alice. "She looks a little sick," I whispered. "Do you think she's going to make it?" Now, I was really worried about those stairs. Especially since Bella was wearing vintage-looking granny boots that looked like a cross between a pump and a boot, with three pearl- buttoned straps over the top of the foot and a two and a half inch heel. At least they weren't spike heels, I mused, or she'd topple over for sure. Bella turned whiter than death.

"She'd better make it," growled Alice. She eyed Bella beadily and grasped her by the arms, giving her a little shake. "Focus, Bella! Edward is waiting for you down there."

Angela moved to stand in the doorway, ready to line up. Rosalie started playing the next song, the one Edward wrote. Angela's cue was coming.

"Bells? We're up to bat," I said. Bella hesitated.

"Bella?!" Alice asked.

"Yes. Edward. Okay," my daughter squeaked. Bella stood up, and Alice straightened the train of the dress and fluffed up the veil and smoothed it out, lifting part of it to cover her face. Then Alice retrieved her bouquet. This was it. I took Bella's arm and tucked it under mine, and then I supported her as she lined up, trembling, on the landing behind Alice. There was the cue. Angela proceeded down the stairs after giving Bella an encouraging smile. I counted to five.

"It's my turn," whispered Alice. "Count to five and follow me." Alice took her cue and I counted to five. I smiled at Bella, who smiled tentatively back, and escorted her to the top of the stairs.

It was time to give my girl away. I gripped her firmly and we stepped down onto the top stair, listening to the rich music that my almost-son wrote for his bride.

**A/N: Just to torture you, I am doing an extra chapter from Bella's pov before we go to Edward. Ahn't I mean? Review and tell me how mean I am. But don't break my heart because I'm still getting over the H1N1 and I have bronchitis and I still wrote you this chappie. Do you have a cookie for me?**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22: Shining Girl**

**Bella Wedding Barbie and her friends and family belong to Stephenie Meyer. Edward's description of life with Bella is taken from p. 514 of NM.* Some sections are quoted from BD, chapter 3.**

**Thanks and kudos to 2old2care for an insight concerning Edward's talent, which I have incorporated here. This one's for you. Thanks to bookishqua for continuing to take the time to share scintillating analysis with me.**

**All music belongs to its rightful owners. Lyrics from wwwdotlyrics007dotcom. **

**Edward's playlist for Bella includes:**

**'Human', Civil Twilight**

**'Bella's Lullaby', Robert Pattinson's improv (hear it at RobPattinsondotcom/playlist)**

**'River Flows In You', Yiruma (processional)**

**'It's Your Day', Yiruma (signing of the register)**

**'Come On Get Higher', Matt Nathanson**

**'Comme au Premier Jour', Andre Gagnon**

**'Shine' ****The Morning Of**

**'Hero', Enrique Iglesias**

**Bella's pov**

I shuffled out to the Porsche behind Alice. She was already chattering cheerfully, having berated me for the condition of my eyes, that were bruised with lack of sleep. Normally, I guess I was a morning person, but not _this _morning. This morning, I would rather be back in my cozy bed, with Edward there to rub calming circles on my back.

That was the real problem, of course. I was unaccustomed to sleeping without him, and so I had barely gotten a wink all night. What sleep I did have, was dominated by unsettling dreams. Very odd, that beautiful toddler with the blood red eyes. I wondered what it meant. Some of my dreams seemed to be a little prescient, but I couldn't imagine an existence for the boy. In some ways, that was a relief. In others, it was sad.

So here I was, on a day that would change my life forever, feeling out of sorts. Unlike Alice, who was in Heaven thinking about all the plans that were coming to fruition today. She had mentioned me being able to sleep on the plane tomorrow. Obviously, Edward and I were going someplace exotic. Seriously. Not Antarctica as we'd joked. Not Alaska, either. Could it be somewhere warm? South America? The Mediterranean? Somewhere where making love with him would not leave me shivering, I decided.

That's when I started to cheer up. Thinking about being alone with Edward in my happy place. A place devoid of interfering siblings, bumbling friends, fifty To Do lists, and any fashionable clothing or make-up. Certainly, no clothing was to be required there. In my happy place, I could look at my mate all day long in his glorious skin. In fact, I could do more than look. I could taste every inch of him. _Sigh_.

"Alice?"

"Yes, darling?"

"Um, do you still see everything ... turning out well?"

"You're not still worried, are you? Come on, Bella. My visions are more certain with every passing minute. Both of you will be fine. Better than fine. You're going to get your 'happily ever after'. What's got you upset?"

"It's nothing, really. I had a bad dream, that's all," I said dismissively.

"Not about Edward hurting you, surely. He's going to be totally in control of his nature, Bella. You might get a few small bruises, but there's nothing to fret about."

"It's just that ... he kind of got ... upset last night because he accidentally bruised me." I chewed my lip pensively.

"Were you upset?"

"No ...well, I was upset because ... he was upset." I was being dishonest with Alice. I was upset because I led him on and then didn't follow through. I'd thought he was going to freak out. He didn't. He praised me. Definitely not a human reaction.

"He's protective of you, Bella. But you will be safe, I promise. Edward knows even better how to touch you now. And he's not anxious at all this morning."

"Really? He's not fretting?" I gawped a little.

Alice smirked at me, "No. He's not. He's ... radiant."

"_Seriously_?"

"Would I lie to you, Bella? I had a vision of him this morning, doing a cartwheel."

I relaxed back in my seat, laughing a little. I looked out my window into the misty morning, and daydreamed about Edward looking radiant, doing handsprings. Like the day he put my ring on my finger, and he knew I was going to be his, forever. Exultant. I could hardly wait to see him glowing like that again.

So, the path to forever was going to be smooth. We had jumped over our hurdles. We had walked through fire, together and apart. Being apart had broken us, and it had taken a lot of work to fix us, but we had done it. We fit together like two puzzle pieces, Edward and I. Tonight, we'd be fitting together in more ways than one. With any luck. Alice brought me out of my reverie.

"So, Bella, I have to ask. Are you reconciled to the idea of getting married?" Alice looked at me tentatively.

"Oh, Alice. It was so silly for me to behave the way I did. Sometimes, I have trouble thinking things through and I just blurt out stuff that I don't really mean. I'm trying to work on that. My stupid remarks really hurt Edward, and he deserves so much better than that. I didn't know how to reconcile my picture of Edward with a picture of a husband, or myself with a picture of a wife. Husbands just seemed so ... mundane to me, and being a wife ... seemed like it would be boring."

"Do you think Jazz is mundane, Bella? Or Emmett, or Carlisle?"

"Well, no." I admitted. I hadn't thought about it that way.

"Because they are all husbands. Perhaps you think my life is boring?"

"Of course not, Alice." I worried that I might have upset her.

"Bella, we have all been married for a long time. And let me tell you, marriage is a wonderful thing. You must never talk down about your marriage. It's the union of two beings. It's the ultimate way for two people to live. You have someone with whom to interconnect. Someone with whom to practise give and take. You will never tire of each other as humans do. You will always remember what drew you to him, and Edward will never take you for granted."

"You've been with Jasper a long time."

"Almost 60 years. And without him, I was so incomplete. It took me a lot of time to find him, you know. Over 25 years. Now, I never want to be separated from him. He is half of my body. Without him, I couldn't function. Jazz is my rock. He fulfills me."

I looked at Alice, marvelling. She had expressed my feelings exactly. "That's just how I feel about Edward," I enthused, encouraged by Alice's confidences.

"Have you told him so?"

"Yes, I told him so when we got home from Italy. But it wouldn't hurt to remind him."

"No, it wouldn't. In some ways, he's far more vulnerable than you are. Edward is only just beginning to see good things in himself. He loathed what we are for so long. He hated himself for killing so many people back in the 1920's."

"But they were bad people. Rapists and murderers."

"And who are we to judge who is beyond saving, Bella? Edward feels guilty because he has done evil, and has survived to have the privilege of changing and being good. The way he figures it, he stole the same opportunity from his victims. That's why he's afraid of God." I finally saw what Edward had been trying to tell me for so long.

"I understand now, Alice. I think it should be brought up, however, that if God gave Edward the talent to identify evil victims, He may have expected Edward to use that talent to wipe out evil."

"That may or may not be, Bella. Assuming you know what the Creator of all things intends is hubris. Cullens understand that better than anyone. Don't think I'm criticizing you. I'm identifying our struggle for you, since you intend to become one of us. Don't be offended, but you tend to put Edward on a pedestal, and he's not perfect. He's not Superman. He needs you to acknowledge that, and help him make some reparation for past sins."

I was taken aback. Was it true? Did I fail to recognize Edward's pain, by excusing his failures? Sometimes, at least, I did. And he was a living being, not a statue. He needed my reassurance as much as I needed his. I had known that, but it took Alice to really put things into words. For some reason, this excited me. Suddenly, I understood. I was, in his eyes, as a relative innocent, truly worthy of love and admiration. I had things to give him, that nobody else could.

"Alice, I finally get it. I'm not perfect and I need him to acknowledge that. And he's not perfect either. This may be the most important conversation I've ever had. Edward has often said to me that he's afraid he doesn't have a soul. The truth is, he knows he has one, and he's afraid he'll go to Hell anyhow. That's it. Now, I'm certain that I know how to give him the kind of support that he needs. _Thank_ you, Alice."

"No, thank _you_ Bella. For accepting my brother. For loving my family unconditionally. You are worthy of Edward, you know. And he is worthy of you. You are going to have a sweet and fulfilling marriage."

Suddenly, I was a grown-up. I had an important role to play as a married woman. I had a purpose as a wife. My heart took off in my chest. I had admitted some weeks ago to Edward that I was actually looking forward to marrying him, and now I was running toward that altar. Running to join my other half. To leap into the arms of my mate, designed for me, as I was designed for him.

"Why did you wait to tell me this, Alice? Why not sooner?" I whined.

"What can I say, Bella? It's time. Had I explained earlier, you would not have understood."

I digested this, and accepted it. I sometimes treated Edward as a god. Something invulnerable. Now, it was time for me to love him as a man.

"Ah, see? I was right to speak to you now. He's going to be much happier from now on."

"Alice, did you just have a vision _while driving_? I don't want to die on the way to my own wedding."

"Relax, Bella. It was very short. And anyway, we're here."

"Oh," I said pertly, "It's almost time."

"It had better _not _be time yet, Bella. I need time to fix your eyes. At least you can nap this morning while I work on you."

"It's a quarter after 7, Alice. The wedding's at 3 pm. You have 8 hours to make me stunning. It only took you 15 minutes to get here from Charlie's house. You're just like your brother. You drive like a maniac."

"Well, you're going to do it too, someday."

"Unlikely." I scoffed.

"Don't bet against me, sister."

"Sure, sure. Never," I promised. "I see you re-used the grad decorations."

"Yes. Waste not, want not."

"They do look pretty."

"Thank you, Bella. I can't wait for you to see everything." Alice pulled into the garage. It seemed so empty. The Volvo was gone, of course. So was Em's jeep. So was the Vanquish. Holy cow. Was nobody home?

We got out of the Porsche and walked up the drive. "The boys aren't back yet, are they?"

"You won't be seeing him this morning, Bella. We're doing this the traditional way, apart from the bride and groom. How do _you_ know they're out?"

"Emmett's jeep is gone. So is the Vanquish."

"No, they're just parked down near the end of the drive for convenience. Emmett is taking the Vanquish to Charlie this morning. Rosalie is going with him, in the jeep, to drive him back. They could run, but it would raise questions with Charlie."

Carlisle and Esme came out on the front porch to greet me. "How's our lovely girl this morning?" Carlisle beamed, grasping me by the arms and kissing my cheek.

"A little tired. I'll be fine. Alice the Pixie says I can nap in the chair," I grimaced.

"Hey!" protested the pixie.

"Look at you, Bella. I don't care if you're tired. You are _glowing_ this morning," Esme claimed, hugging me.

"Oh," I said lamely, embarrassed.

"Come, on, Bella, we need to get moving," my almost-sister demanded. I turned to go in the house. Carlisle spoke to Esme quietly as I passed.

"Our girl is shining today, isn't she love?"

"Yes. Just wait 'til Edward sees her."

I ducked my head, with a shy smile. Suddenly, Alice's hands were over my eyes.

"Hey!" I protested.

"You're not seeing the decorations, Bella."

"Since when does the bride not get to see the decorations?"

"Since she put me in charge. I want you to get the full impact when you come down the stairs. Now, let's go. Keep walking, I won't let you fall."

"Okay. What's that smell?"

"The flowers. Is it too much? You're the first human in here."

"No, it's wonderful." I smelled orange blossom, lilac, and roses. When we reached the landing, Alice steered me into her room and uncovered my eyes.

"So they aren't back from the bachelor party yet?" I felt disappointed. I was longing for my mate.

"No. They went on foot. And I wouldn't really call it a bachelor party. More like a quiet night out. Don't worry, darling. Edward won't stand you up."

"I think the bigger worry is that I'll fall asleep during the ceremony and miss the part where I say 'I do', and Edward will give up and abandon me in disgust."

Alice chuckled, "I'll whomp you with my bouquet at the appropriate moment."

"That'll look great on the video," I snickered.

"Yeah. Who'd have thought the young pup would be such a good hand with a camera. The Roast video is great."

"You've seen Seth's video?" I goggled.

"Oh, yeah. Very funny. I'll get the laptop and you can watch it today."

"Cool!" It would help take the sting out of missing Edward.

"Oh, and I have a gift for you. From Edward." Alice handed me a CD. I grinned at it delightedly. I had suggested to Edward that we make up a playlist for each other to listen to this morning, and I wasn't sure if he had done it. Naturally, he had done me one better. He had made me another CD. I handed it back to Alice eagerly and asked her to put it on. Had he written more songs for me?

"I think he intended it for your ears only, Bella. I can get you some ear buds for the CD player."

"It's okay. My earphones are in my purse." I fetched them out, quickly.

"I meant to bring your robe down, Bella, but I got Edward's by accident."

"Don't you dare switch them, sister. Gimme." I ducked into the bathroom and stripped out of my sweats, and put on Edward's robe. It smelled amazing. I breathed him in, relaxing. Then I went out to play Guinea Pig Barbie. Alice handed me my headphones, now attached to her player. I switched it on.

"I think we'll start with your nails, Bella."

I nodded, sticking my feet in the foot-bath Alice brought over, and presented my hand. Then I put my head back and listened. I was surprised to hear Edward's voice, speaking in my ear.

"Good morning love. I see you haven't changed your mind. I just thought you should know how essential you are to me, and what you have done to make my life complete. You are my humanity.

Edward's voice segued into "Human", by Civil Twilight.

_There's one way out and one way in  
Back to the beginning  
There's one way back to home again  
To where I feel forgiven_

_What is this I feel, why is it so real  
What am I to say_

_It's only love, it's only pain  
It's only fear, that run through my veins  
It's all the things you can't explain  
That make us human_

_I am just an image of something so much greater  
I am just a picture frame, I am not the painter  
Where do I begin, can I shed this skin  
What is this I feel within_

_  
It's only love, it's only pain  
It's only fear that runs through my veins  
It's all the things you can't explain  
That make us human  
That make us human  
That make us human (chorus 2x)_

_Oh that make us human_

Alice was right, I thought. He's still worried about his nature. Well, I could help him with that. At least, I conceded, he was claiming his humanity now. That was a good sign, right? Edward's voice came on again, while Alice finished my French manicure and started a pedicure.

My lullaby played. Alice moved me into her room. There was a massage table in there.

"You'd better give me Edward's robe, Bella. He'll be wanting it soon." Alice stated. I blushed.

"It's okay, Bella. Just climb up on your belly and I'll exfoliate your skin and then you can have a nice massage." Alice held up a towel. Oh, well. No secrets in this family. I dropped the robe and hopped up on the table, and Alice covered me up.

Rose popped her head in the door. I blushed again.

"They're back," she informed us. Esme peeked in behind her, grinning.

"Don't let him up here!"Alice warned.

"He won't cross you today," Rose shrugged.

My lullaby finished, and the piece Edward wrote for the processional commenced.

"Huh! _Sure_ he won't," Alice growled.

"So how is he?" I asked Rosalie.

"Cocky. In more ways than one," Rose said with an eye roll.

"They've been to our hot spring, the imps. All three of them smell horrible. Apparently, they had a mud fight before that," Esme informed us incredulously. "They wouldn't let me take their clothes to wash. They said they'd do it themselves."

We looked at each other conspiratorily. Yeah, right. The boys were going to strip in front of Esme. Not. "I should hope so, Mother. They're certainly old enough to be independent," Alice said.

"Carlisle said he's going to burn their shoes tomorrow." Rose grimaced, arms folded. Alice and I chuckled. Rose left the room, smirking.

Esme reached down and took my hand affectionately. "How are you doing, Bella?"

"I'm great."

Alice took the sheet off me. "Well, well. He did bruise you, Bella. It's quite large. It's starting to fade, though. Does it hurt?"

"Not really," I said awkwardly. _Right_ in front of Esme. I sometimes wondered if Alice was all there upstairs. Esme started to walk away from me. Oh, no.

"Esme?" I mouthed under my breath urgently, grabbing her hand, "You're not going to say anything to Edward, are you? He's happy this morning. And this does not matter. We've already worked it out."

"Oh, Bella. I couldn't upset him today. But maybe Carlisle should take a look at it."

"No!" I yelped a little too loudly. I lowered my voice past a whisper again. "It's only a bruise. I bruise easily. All the time. It's fine, honestly." No way was my almost father-in-law going to look at my bare butt! I could feel the heat in my face again.

"Alright, dear. If that's what you wish," Esme looked at me doubtfully.

"Yes, thank you Esme." I exhaled in relief. Esme squeezed and patted my hand, kissed me on the top of my head, and left. I continued breathing in and out slowly.

Alice applied a gritty scrub to my back and rubbed it around. She did my legs and backside. Then, she used a hot towel to wipe the exfoliating scrub off of my skin. It was so relaxing. I was glad I had put her in charge for the day.

"Flip over Bella". I decided I didn't need to go all Victorian on her. There were enough Victorians in the family already. I flipped over and Alice replaced and adjusted my sheet, pulling it down to my waist so she could work on my chest and arms. I was getting sleepy. The next piece on my CD started. It was the one Edward wrote to be played during the signing of the register.

Alice began applying massage oil to my chest with a fluffy mitten. It smelled of coconuts. _Sigh._ I was falling asleep.

"I hear you!" Alice growled.

"What are they saying?" I wondered drowsily.

"Never mind," Alice crooned. I sighed and listened to my CD.

"Before I met you, life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason ... And then, you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly, everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. * I miss you this morning," Edward said huskily. Mmm...

Matt Nathanson came on, singing, "Come on Get Higher".

_I miss the sound of your voice  
And I miss the rush of your skin  
And I miss the still of the silence  
As you breathe out and I breathe in_

_If I could walk on water, If I could tell you what's next  
Make you believe, make you forget  
__  
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips  
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips  
Just pull me down hard  
And drown me in love (repeat chorus)_

_I miss the sound of your voice  
The loudest thing in my head_  
_And I ache to remember  
All the violent, sweet,  
perfect words that you said_

_If I could walk on water, if i could tell you what's next,  
make you believe, make you forget_

_(chorus 2x)_

_I miss the pull of your heart  
I can taste the sparks on your tongue  
__I see angels and devils  
And God when you come, on  
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on  
Singin' shalala la  
Singin' shalala la  
ooo  
ooo  
ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo_

_(Chorus)_

_So come on, get higher, loosen my lips  
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips  
Just to pull me down hard  
And drown me, drown me in love_

_(come on get higher, loosen my lips) It's all wrong  
(faith and desire at the swing of your hips) It's all wrong  
(just to pull me down hard and drown me in love) It's all right_

_So, come on, get higher  
Come on, get higher  
'Cause everything works love  
Everything works in your arms _

Now that was more like it, I enthused, feeling warm all over. Maybe Edward had progressed more than I thought.

Rosalie popped in the room again. "Renee and Phil are here. You'd better hurry, Alice. Renee wants to see her soon." Rosalie left again. The song started that Edward wrote for our recessional.

"It's okay Emmett, I ordered extras just for this eventuality," Alice said consolingly.

"What eventuality?" I mumbled, nonplussed_._

"Never mind, sweetie. Just relax."

"Mmm..." I moaned. Alice's hands felt like magic, wiping away my tension. I drifted to sleep. I was floating on a cloud in my happy place. There, Edward was using his tongue on me in a most naughty, languid fashion. "Mmm..." I moaned again, too out of it to be embarrassed.

I opened one eye as Rosalie entered Alice's room, bearing a lunch tray for me. I shut the eye again.

What seemed like an instant later, Alice barked, "_Emmett_? Would you _stop_ encouraging Edward to cheat, _please?_"

"Huh?" I exclaimed, rolling over on my back. Was Edward looking at me through Alice's eyes? I stretched, cheekily, displaying my boobs. I was all slippery with oil.

"Nothing, nothing. No worries," Alice reassured me. Like I needed reassurance. What did I care if he peeked? I hoped he would.

"Eat up, dear, you need your strength today," Alice ordered. I sat up groggily and pulled the sheet up to cover my breasts. The lunch was made up of different kinds of cheese, some digestive biscuits, and fruit salad. There was a diet 7-Up, with no caffeine for the Human, and a largish dish of dark chocolate mousse. Oh, _there _was the caffeine! Yum. I dug in happily. I was hungrier than I thought, but glad that the food was not heavy and hard to digest.

"Nonsense! If you've done the job properly, it is perfect," snapped Alice.

"Huh?" I asked. It was getting awfully confusing, listening to nonsequitors.

"Don't worry your beautiful face about it, darling. Go back to sleep," suggested Alice, taking my empty tray.

"Kay," I sighed, lying back down on my stomach. Edward's beautiful voice came on the CD again.

"You are my life. My soul. I will be waiting for you at the altar, and we will be together, always," he murmured silkily. I sighed as The Morning Of began to sing:

_I step outside into the light  
The sun is bright, I close my eyes  
The summer caught me by surprise  
and now I'm left here waiting  
for you to tell me how it is  
If I could only get a kiss  
I could make you take a risk  
on a boy who wants this  
And now the sun has sunk below  
__The evening wind now starts to blow  
I catch the scent of you're perfume  
It lifts me higher than the moon_

_I'll be fine if you stay by my side..._

_Never felt this way in my whole life  
Never had this feeling before tonight  
I can't get you off my mind  
Cause you shine, Girl  
Oh you know you shine_

_Your eyes are brighter than the sun  
They make me see that you're the one  
Your smile takes my breath away  
and leaves me with nothing to say  
You aren't like any other girl  
that I've met in this whole world  
You're so much more than they can be  
__So won't you please just be with me?_

_I'll be fine if you stay the night..._

_Never felt this way in my whole life  
Never had this feeling before tonight  
I can't get you off my mind  
Cause you shine, Girl  
Oh you know you shine_

_And I'd give up forever to see the day  
Where the two of us both could just walk away  
hand in hand..._

_Never felt this way in my whole life  
Never had this feeling before tonight  
I can't get you off my mind  
Cause you shine, Girl  
Oh you know you shine_

_Never felt this way in my whole life  
(You shine)  
Never had this feeling before tonight  
(Oh you know you shine)  
I can't get you off my mind  
(You shine)  
Cause you shine, Girl  
Oh you know you shine _

I woke up. Girlish chatter was flowing. Rosalie and Angela were standing beside my table, talking about the morning. Rose was wearing her bathrobe. I realized that I had drooled all over my pillow. Alice handed me a washcloth, and Rosalie gave me my own robe. I guess she had retrieved the correct one.

"Well good afternoon, Sleepyhead," Angela teased. "How's Bella Wedding Barbie holding up?" She was wearing jeans and a pretty blouse with buttons.

I grunted and sat up, carefully. Alice and Rose hovered protectively to make sure I didn't roll off the table. "Hi, Ang. I had a nice nap. How long have you been here? Your hair looks pretty."

"Oh, thanks. About 10 minutes. Thought I'd come and keep you company."

"Oh, great," I yawned. "What time is it?" I stretched and shrugged into my robe and tied it.

"One o'clock," Alice answered.

I looked toward the door instinctively and the corners of my mouth quirked up. Only two more hours to go, and then Edward and I would oficially belong to each other. Forever.

Rose's hair was all done up in a crown on top of her head. It was beautiful. "Alice? You're running behind. I could do her hair if you like." I gaped at her. Perhaps we were going to be friends now. I smiled my thanks.

"That would be great, Rose. Bella, you'd better go rinse off in the tub, but don't wash your hair. It will be easier to style if it's not washed today. Don't be long, okay? We don't want your hair to go frizzy."

"Sure, thanks a lot Alice. I feel good." I ran a hot tub, stuck my hair on top of my head with an elastic, and washed off the oil. Much better. I pulled the plug, and helped myself to one of the Cullens' ubiquitous fluffy white towels, and then I remembered something.

"Alice? I don't have a toothbrush." The door opened, and Alice's hand appeared in the crack of the door. My toothbrush was in it.

"Thank you, Alice."

"You're welcome, Bella. Now hurry up." I brushed my teeth, feeling both relaxed and in control. I put on my robe again and dropped my towel in Alice's hamper.

Alice pulled Rose into the bathroom and steered me back into the pink chair. "I want it intricate. The veil goes here, underneath." Alice demonstrated what she wanted done with my hair, and then Rose's gentle hands replaced hers. Wow, that felt _so_ great. I slumped in the chair, sucking up the attention. This was one kind of attention I could deal with.

I started my CD player again, putting the earphones upside down so they didn't interfere with getting my hair done. "I'll see you at the altar, Miss Swan," promised Edward in my ear. One last song to play from Edward's disc: Enrique Iglesias.

_(Whispered) Let me be your hero_

_Would you dance if I asked you to dance?  
Would you run and never look back?  
Would you cry if you saw me crying?  
Would you save my soul tonight?_

_Would you tremble if I touched your lips?  
Would you laugh? Oh please tell me this  
Now would you die for the one you love?  
Hold me in your arms tonight_

_(Chorus)  
I can be you hero baby  
I can kiss away the pain  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away_

_Would you swear that you'll always be mine?  
Would you lie, would you run away?  
Am I in to deep? Have I lost my mind? _  
_I don't care, you're here tonight_

_Chorus_

_I just want to hold you (2x)  
Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind?  
Well I don't care, you're here tonight_

_Chorus (2x) _

_You can take my breath my breath away  
I can be your hero _

I purred like a big, fat cat. Didn't I have the most romantic guy on the planet? Who wouldn't want to be married to Edward? I was so lucky.

Alice appeared, humming cheerfully, with a laptop. She pushed aside beauty products with hear arm and set it up on the counter. She confiscated my music. Angela brought in a stool and sat in the corner. Alice put a DVD on. It was the Roast. Ang and I eyed each other, and then watched. We giggled and snorted through the whole thing. Alice told me to hold still in case I smeared my liner. She worked on my face without further disruption from me. I was being too highly entertained to complain about being turned into Wedding Barbie.

There was a lot of hysterical footage of the wedding rehearsal, including Edward gyrating on his knees like Billy Idol. I'd never let him live it down. My attire wasn't nearly as amusing. Next came the 'Bella Bimbo' Arch of Honour on the restaurant steps. Hilarious. Then, there were recorded comments from attendees and locals we'd seen at the restaurant, and best wishes. Finally, Edward and I were in front of the mic, thanking our guests, and then he was dancing with me to 'Can't Help Falling in Love' and twirling me out the door. I hummed along. Huh. Who was that graceful girl dancing with him? I smiled. What a great night last night had been.

The video ended and I looked at my watch. Holy cow, where did the time go? There was only half an hour left. I could hear people going in and out downstairs. Rose and Angela went to change into their dresses. Alice passed me my new undergarments and left me in the bathroom. I quickly put them on. I peeked into her bedroom. Alice appeared with my dress held bunched up so I could slip into it. Her brows arched.

I scooted into the room and raised my arms, suddenly nervous. Just stage fright, I told myself. I was afraid I'd be clumsy and embarrass myself in front of everyone we knew. _Please God, don't let me fall down the stairs. Please, please, please. _ I jumped out of my skin, since I was standing there with a wedding dress over my ears and my ass hanging out, when Rosalie flitted in.

"Ooh, nice lingerie, Bella. Edward will love it. But I'd take off the thong if I were you, and just wear the garter belt."

"He's going to take the garter off with his teeth," Alice smirked, as Rosalie snickered. Alice lowered the dress, revealing one lobster red stuttering bride. She fastened the long line of pearl buttons up my back with an obviously antique button hook.

"He's going to w-wha-? In- in- in- in front of _everyone_? Edward? _My _Edward?" I gawped, trembling all over.

"Get a grip, Bella. It's traditional. People expect it," Alice shrugged. She reached under the dress, and before I knew what hit me, my new white thong was lying shredded in the waste paper basket. I squeaked. My knees started to judder. _Please, God, don't let this dress be at all see through. Please, God! _ I hoped vampires didn't have x-ray vision. What was I saying? Jasper, at least, would know for sure. He always noticed such things. Oh, crap! Alice was _definitely _going in the chipper shredder if anybody laughed at me.

I sat down, and the satin quivered in wavelets down my legs. I fanned myself, trying not to hyperventilate. Alice put on my shoes and buttoned them. My mother came in, and started chattering about nothing important. She had noticed my panic attack, obviously. Ang joined us, looking beautiful in her dress. I focused on Renee. By telling me how Edward was passing the time this afternoon, she was restoring my smile. There was no more time to fret. Charlie joined us, gave me a present that belonged to my dear Grandma Marie, and sent Renee downstairs. Alice sent Charlie to get the bouquets, stuffed a filmy white garter way too high up my leg, and then, we were lining up to go down.

Edward was waiting for me.

**A/N: Edward would like you to review, before he gives his last minute opinions as a bachelor. He's getting married soon, you know. **

**Come and visit me on my webpage, where I have posted a few drawings relating to this series, including Bella in her negligee. httpcolon//jmollytwilightdotspacesdotlivedot com/ **


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23: Here Comes the Bride (Please read important, exceedingly long A/N at top)**

**A/N: Please note, for the sake of practicality, I am breaking up the story into sections. Really, all my stories have the same canon and subsequent works to Unforeseen Events are sequels. So don't panic when I don't post more chapters here. The next story in the series is the wedding fic, "Toasty Warm". It will begin to post right after this one does, because Edward and Bella are very impatient to get to the honeymoon. Just to torture you, the honeymoon will not take place until the following book, "The Moment I've Been Waiting For". Ahn't I mean?**

**Everything belongs to Stephenie. No profit, sadly, is being made from this work that I am putting endless hours of research into. I own nothing. But I love it as dearly as if I did own it.**

**Update: Dec 7/09: I have just created a playlist for this fic. Go to youtubedotcom/jmollytwilight**

**Music: **

**Seek Ye First (In the setting of Pachelbel's Canon) by Karen Lafferty, arr. By Gail Smith, Maranatha Music, 1972. **

I had a great deal of trouble finding a recording of this piano score on You Tube. One is "Medley in C with Jeremy", requiesctcat's channel, a duet for piano and organ. The other is "Seek Ye First-Pachelbel Canon", simsic's channel, the original solo piano piece that I was looking for, but it's not the best recording. There is a partial free download available for MP3s if you google oldtimechristianmusicdotcom/Linda Mckechnie/ Seek Ye First/Pachelbel. Lovely arrangement.

If you find a better recording, please let me know. If I could play piano better, I'd record it myself. Sigh.

**'Like a Virgin', Madonna (because a cliche this Emmett-y begs to be used to death)**

**'River Flows In You', Yiruma (Processional)**

******'It's Your Day', Yiruma (Signing of the Register)**

******'Comme au Premier Jour', Andre Gagnon (Recessional)**

**I have really loved writing this particular book. I must tell you that I've been cackling aloud with wicked glee, writing this chapter. Review me. Poste haste.**

**I've had so much fun, exchanging messages with you. Thank you to my loyal readers for sticking with me for the past 3 months. Special notice goes to blondiemarie, fruityblondpixie, Just Mione, and Vampyregurl09.**

**The following people are my muses. I love you all. Thanks to justmereading for her suggestions to make a chapter from Bella's pov and Charlie's pov. Thanks to my friend emmadtf2 for making me laugh from Day One. I love you lots like jelly tots. Thanks to bookishqua for all the marvellous discussions. Thanks to my husband, Anthony, for buying the doctor's coat and putting up with my late night writes. There's a fic in there somewhere. Thanks to 2old2care for friendship and Robsten debates. Love you, Boston! And thanks to my daughter K, who is quite the budding artist and is thrilled when I read her the portions of the story that aren't lemony.**

**Visit me on my webpage, which is linked to my profile. Drawings of the Cullens in their wedding clothes will post soon. Ya know ya want to see the dress. And I had to design one, because there's nothing vintage on the net resembling anything Stephenie made canon. I have OCD, if you haven't noticed.**

**C'mon, strangers, review me. It's the only way I know if you love me. And I'm questioning it.**

A_t ten of three, Rosalie got Em and Jazz to start herding people toward the house. A few minutes later, Mr. Weber came up and put his hand around my arm. "Ready to do this, Edward?"_

"_You bet, sir. Let's go." Finally! Thank God! I led the way, with a spring in my step._

(Chapter 20)

**Edward's pov**

There was a great deal of murmuring and thinking going on as I entered the house. A lot of remarks broke through the idle chitchat.

_Jeez, he's so gorgeous. He bulges in all the right places. Wonder if I should object? _ Jessica. Who else?

_I hope this ceremony is short. I wanna get to the good stuff. Renee looks slinky in that dress. Hope the dance music is good. _Phil.

_Congratulations, my dear. We've been rooting for you so long. You and Bella deserve every happiness._ Esme.

"Thank you," I mouthed at her.

_I guess the best man won. But I can still dream. I wonder what she's wearing under the dress... _Mike. Grr.

_I guess the best man won, but I can still dream. At least my date is hotter than Mike's. _Tyler_._

_I guess the best man won. I am so lonely. Maybe I should call Lauren. Nah. She has VD. _Conner.

Come on now! This was getting ridiculous. I'd better not mess up my marriage, or the lineup would start forming again. Mike caught my eye. I smiled at him, smugly. His answering smile looked almost genuine. _Well, if I can't have her, at least he's a pretty nice guy._ Holy crow! Give Mike a cookie.

_I wonder when I get to fuck Tanya again. Maybe we can sneak upstairs later. I hear women get horny at weddings. I'm going to break out the toys and- _Eric.

I hastily blocked his thoughts. Heaven help me, I would have to tell my family to break them up, somehow. What if they got serious and he ended up related to us? Eternity with cousin Eric the necrophiliac bum-humping pervert. Ick. Of course, if she turned him, it might not last. She wouldn't feel cold to him then.

_I can't wait to see Angela in her dress. She is so lovely. I'm glad I asked her out after Edward expressed interest in her. Angela belongs with me, and Bella and Edward are so right together. So if I hadn't asked Ang out, this wedding might not be happening. Bella and Edward owe me._ Ben smiled at me proprietorially. I swallowed a laugh. He still didn't know that I'd set him up to ask Angela out. She was such a sweet little angel. I'd wanted her to be happy, since she was always so good to Bella. And it seemed I was right. She loved him.

"I wonder if Bella will use any of my suggestions," mused Tanya.

"Dearest, it won't matter. He loves her so. He won't care if she's skilled," said Eleazar kindly.

Esme had hung lengths of neutral linen fabric over the long glass windows, and there were candles lit in translucent globes around the room. The Bride's Candle and Groom's Candle stood, lit upon the altar, with the Unity Candle waiting in the middle for our sparks to join. The room was dim and soft and romantic. Perfect for my Bella.

All the guests were seated, except Renee. Seth was videotaping from the side of the room, wriggling with joy like the pup he was. Rosalie was at my piano, playing Pachelbel's _Canon in D+._

Wait, _that _wasn't how it went. I turned and watched her, confused. A new theme was weaving in and out of the Pachelbel. How did she slip that past me? Suddenly, I recognized the tune:

_Seek ye first the Kingdom of God_

_and His righteousness_

_and all these things shall be added unto you_

_Allelu, alleluia._

_Ask and it shall be given unto you_

_Seek and ye shall find_

_Knock and the door shall be opened unto you_

_Allelu, alleluia._

One of Carlisle's favourites, that I hadn't avoided learning in my bitter days because he sang it so often around the house. I turned to him and raised my brows. He shook his head at me in disbelief and then smiled with pleasure. The hymn wove in and out with the Pachelbel.

A real surprise, this message, coming from Rosalie. She eyed me meaningfully, smiling slightly. She had never expressed any faith of her own, and here she was telling me to keep mine. So, Bella and I had her blessing and her best wishes. I felt my eyes prick and I swallowed with difficulty, nodding to her. Rose nodded back and looked down at the keys.

My breath heaved in and out of my chest. Good thing vampires couldn't pass out from excitement. The anticipation was killing me, which was killing Jasper. He rolled his eyes at me as he led my future mother-in-law to her seat. I grinned at him, unabashed.

"Ooh, there's our new son!", whispered Renee jubilantly, nudging Phil. She waggled her fingers at me and I waggled mine back sheepishly.

Carlisle, Emmett and Jazz then joined me at the front. _Tone it down, Edward!_ Jasper thought at me with annoyance. I shook my head at him, and he rolled his eyes again. My heart was about to burst, and he wanted me to calm down? Not today, brother. _Thank God you and Bella are going far away for the honeymoon. I SO do not want to be around when you combust._

Emmett, naturally, was being Emmett. Not even the teasing could spoil my mood, however. "..._Like a virgin, with your, uh... dead heart, next to mine...hmm, hmm, hmm..."_

I stepped behind Carlisle, closer to Emmett and whacked him upside the head, too fast for the humans to see. The vampires in the crowd snickered. The humans looked at the vampires, perplexed. Emmett looked at me apologetically and I smirked at him.

Thank God we hadn't decided to let Emmett perform the ceremony. I could just picture it: _Dearly beloved, we are gathered, here, to celebrate the mating of Edward and Bella. Seeing as he's a vampire and all, we really hope he won't scrag her on the honeymoon. She's such a gas._

Carlisle faced me and put his hands on my shoulders, and beamed into my shining eyes. He took my face in his hands and kissed me on both cheeks. Right in front of the humans! I kissed him back, then ducked my head bashfully. _Time to complete our family_, he thought proudly.

Mr. Weber stepped up beside me as the Pachelbel came to an end. My eyes flew to the top of the stairs as the Processional commenced. I could almost feel my heart pound. Perhaps I was hearing Bella's heartbeat and internalizing it. Thank you God! I _lived_ to see this day. Mother? Are you watching from Up There? I'm marrying my eternal love.

The first cue sounded, and Angela came into view, smiling serenely and picking her way carefully down the stairs in her old-fashioned buckle pumps and vintage-length skirt. Skirts got shorter when I was a kid, because material was hard to procure during the Great War. I _knew_ Alice would do Victorian or Edwardian. Hah.

Angela winked at Ben from behind her small, round bouquet of white flowers as she passed by, and he sat up straighter in his seat. He'd better appreciate that girl. He'd have me to deal with if he ever hurt her. Next to Ben, Beth Weber beamed and took pictures. Josh and Isaac nudged each other and whispered, smirking, when I kissed Angela's cheek as she reached the front.

Alice glided down the stairs like a ballerina, smiling radiantly. Her eyes were swimming with joy. The last time I had seen her so happy, had been the moment we got home from Italy and she saw Jasper. Alice really did love us, even if she was a naughty little pixie at times. Alice reached the front and came to kiss me. I thanked her for being my sister before releasing her to stand between Angela and me.

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, and fidgeted. My father the Best Man grabbed the back of my jacket and held me in place. The pressure distracted me long enough to make me reconsider flying up the stairs to grab my mate and smother her in kisses. _Watch it, Edward! Don't run to her, you'll blow our cover. Wait for her. She's coming to you. _I held still, staring, holding my breath.

To me. To me, _only_ to me. An instant seemed to last forever, and then a small, white shoe stepped daintily into view. An old-fashioned shoe, with a medium sized heel, high on the sides, with three leather straps crossing the top of the foot. Pearl buttons down the side to secure the straps. A vintage wedding shoe, similar to a Spectator Boot. Minxy.

She was coming to me. Coming into view. My Bella. My everything. There was nothing in the world but her. Nothing, nobody between her and me. She was coming to _me_. Just a second more, and I would see her...

Oh, God! _God! _Oh, God, thank You. Bella is so beautiful in her gown. Bella is made for me, only me. Let me lay myself down as a gift for her. God!

Come to me my Bella, my heart. Come to me, and let this soul sing again for the rest of his days. Have I been transfigured? I don't remember ever being so warm.

Love burst out of this cold body, and warmed every part of me. It radiated to Bella, and I felt it bounce back to me and make an infinity circle of fire between us. Our eyes locked together joyfully, and I feasted on her visage, triumphant.

**So do you love me? How much do you love me? *blinks mistily and pouts endearingly* Review. Then watch for the sequel, "Toasty Warm".**


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